Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked... - FML

By Idiot

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

749

You deserved it

2065

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Our house, in the middle of our street

Stealth dog

By crunknasty - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16997

You deserved it

61647

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

46767

You deserved it

25760

Tweet

Share

By lambeaster - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21732

You deserved it

3676

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30372

You deserved it

13962

Tweet

Share

By GuiltByTenuousAssociation - United States

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41300

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25403

You deserved it

2659

Tweet

Share

By lyssamarie316 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26628

You deserved it

4719

Tweet

Share

By snowmon06

Today, a girl on my Snapchat list posted a story asking for anybody who was awake to talk to her. Me being awake, I took her up on the request. Her response? "Sorry I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14014

You deserved it

1628

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23609

You deserved it

2190

Tweet

Share

By OweLotsaMoney - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47520

You deserved it

12200

Tweet

Share

By Melie-Melo - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26031

You deserved it

2151

Tweet

Share

By broken - Australia

Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the drive way, hurting my leg and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53292

You deserved it

10207

Tweet

Share

By DuckMan

Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1409

You deserved it

2565

Tweet

Share

By Jamie - Denmark

Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50051

You deserved it

7464

Tweet

Share

By drooooooool - United States

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25170

You deserved it

6333

Tweet

Share

By Jessica - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28885

You deserved it

3466

Tweet

Share

By BirthdayBoy - United States

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39846

You deserved it

7284

Tweet

Share

By jeremiah - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36673

You deserved it

4612

Tweet

Share

By poophead - Philippines

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29676

You deserved it

2539

Tweet

Share

By OhNo - United States - Castlewood

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40745

You deserved it

5916

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 08:06

Easy listener

Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1272

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By Nowajerk - Australia

Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29568

You deserved it

17589

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32465

You deserved it

14654

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56641

You deserved it

3869

Tweet

Share

By df22 - 3/7/2020 20:08

Graded

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1821

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47905

You deserved it

8693

Tweet

Share

By pleaseno - United States

Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55021

You deserved it

3113

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Muskegon

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31247

You deserved it

6699

Tweet

Share

By lukey101 - 11/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Most likely

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

851

You deserved it

69

Tweet

Share

By Goldar - United States

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30873

You deserved it

20270

Tweet

Share

By ditzen - United States

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31655

You deserved it

4451

Tweet

Share

By Anonyme - France - Laill

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29712

You deserved it

3454

Tweet

Share

By apparentlybutch - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47102

You deserved it

4548

Tweet

Share

By fuckthat - United States

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52417

You deserved it

3320

Tweet

Share

By Ugh

Today, I was on the bus. I have a phobia of babies crying, and recently, whenever I've been on a long journey, there's been one and I've had an anxiety attack. There were no babies on this bus, just an old lady showing her friend videos of her screaming grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

476

Tweet

Share

By K.. - 28/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Put your foot down

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1252

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By YanezIbanez - 13/5/2021 06:01

Two things that aren't the same

Today, my mother called me "wasteful" because I left the refrigerator door open and that "electricity money doesn’t grow on trees." This is the same person who lets my little sister have her light on all night, because she’s scared of the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

311

You deserved it

1125

Tweet

Share

By JayBausch - United States

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51655

You deserved it

7040

Tweet

Share

By LunaCrow - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32378

You deserved it

3109

Tweet

Share

By [email protected]

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33789

You deserved it

6436

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Chen Zhibang | 8

#7806160 - Sunday 26 May 2019 3:34

You made the rookie mistake of taking the mask off when you realized you messed up. What did you think that would do? Let you see more clearly? Next time, keep it on and scoot

By ahabsfan | 14

#7806155 - Sunday 26 May 2019 2:50

Yeah, I’m not buying it either. You’re now banned from FML too.

COMMENTS

By ahabsfan | 14

#7806155 - Sunday 26 May 2019 2:50

Yeah, I’m not buying it either. You’re now banned from FML too.

By Chen Zhibang | 8

#7806160 - Sunday 26 May 2019 3:34

You made the rookie mistake of taking the mask off when you realized you messed up. What did you think that would do? Let you see more clearly? Next time, keep it on and scoot