By mean mommy - 16/7/2019 12:30
Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after 2 of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML
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By  mssileas  |  25

So you punished everyone for something two 12-year-olds may or may not have done? They could a) be lying and b) even if they're not, that's a cue to talk to their parents about your rightful concerns. 12-year-olds who brag about having sex just do so because they've been taught by all of society and media that men sexually desiring them is their permission to exist and the ultimate goal to follow and in some cases the only kind of affection they receive.

That's sad enough, but at least you realistically taught the girls that ALL of them will get punished because you disagree with SOME of them and how they think they need to express sexuality. Instead of taking the opportunity to talk to your kid and what she thinks about their behavior and her own self-worth.

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By  mssileas  |  25

So you punished everyone for something two 12-year-olds may or may not have done? They could a) be lying and b) even if they're not, that's a cue to talk to their parents about your rightful concerns. 12-year-olds who brag about having sex just do so because they've been taught by all of society and media that men sexually desiring them is their permission to exist and the ultimate goal to follow and in some cases the only kind of affection they receive.

That's sad enough, but at least you realistically taught the girls that ALL of them will get punished because you disagree with SOME of them and how they think they need to express sexuality. Instead of taking the opportunity to talk to your kid and what she thinks about their behavior and her own self-worth.

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  mssileas  |  25

I get that concern - but you don't tackle it by going berserk.
You sit her down and talk to her about what worries you. Again, no 12 year old girl has sex because she's so ready for it, but only because it compensates for something ugly girls get confronted with all their lives, before they're ready to understand it.

Teenagers are not dumb lemmings, they have their issues and concerns but you won't know them if you have a door-slamming policy with all things that make you uncomfortable as a parent.

By  icalledhisname  |  5

Youth have sex sometimes. It can be odd but true. Whether the girls were telling the truth or not, it was best to leave them alone and just have a talk with your daughter later about the ways of life and how it may be best to wait to partake in sexual acts. She might suffer social consequences for your actions. As parents, as hard as it can be, we need to support whatever happens instead of controlling it. Nothing inappropriate happened at the party so it shouldn’t have been a big deal.

By  pins91  |  23

Maybe shouldn’t have sent them home, but given the girls parents a heads up. I would want to know if my very underage child was having sex. And if another mother knew, I would want them to tell me

By  Wisernow  |  9

I agree with all the previous comments. You kinda fucked up, Mom. I sincerely hope you didn't slam the door on your daughter sharing with you in the future. Time to approach sex subject and try really hard not to push your philosophy on her. Just the facts. Explain why you reacted. Learning your parents are human and sometimes fail can be a good lesson for kids. For the future: take your daughter aside later & let her know your views. Perhaps contact the other parents of your concern. I had a situation where a 13 year old appeared to be engaged in oral sex in our hot tub -I put a stop to it & I called the girls mother the next day & voiced my concerns. I am pleased to say both involved turned out just fine. She's now an attorney and he's a special needs teacher. And she & my daughter are still friends to this day.

By  B00K_L0V3R93  |  30

You really fudged up OP. You deserve to be hated. This was a complete over-reaction on your part.

While underage sex and sex in general is an important issue, it should be discussed in an open and loving way. Not only did you teach those children, including your own, not to share personal information with adults because they can’t be trusted, but that they should be shamed for exploring their sexuality which society will do enough for them.

Did you even consider that they were lying? Or consider just talking to the girls’ parents so they can have a conversation with them? How did you hear these girls’ confession? Eavesdrop much?

I sincerely hope you haven’t ruined your relationship with your daughter, closing the door on any open and honest communication in the future. Or for that matter ruined her life. She might very well become a social pariah with no friends, bullied, and with that can come a maelstrom of negative side effects. I hope you think through your actions in the future before you further ruin your relationship with your daughter.

By  Lydmyers  |  3

OP.... yeah, YDI.
why? because you did something really silly.
You embarrassed and essentially punished your daughter over something that was not her fault.

You owe your daughter, her friends and their pissed off parents all an apology.

By  Alup132  |  22

OP, ignore the rest of these comments. If I had a kid and their friends had sex at 12, and were bragging, I’d worry about peer pressure or them convincing my child that it’s fun, despite being way too young for it. Anyone who doesn’t understand the reason you do this for little kids having sex (lying or not) is an idiot

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  LostSoul  |  15

People who put so much weight on peer pressure are just bad parents. It is an excuse for not doing your job. Be open and honest with your kids. I spent over 11 years volunteering in the school system. I saw 1st hand the damage your kind of thinking did to the kids. I wasn't their parent, I wasn't a teacher, I was just some adult who was taking the time to help them. I had nothing to gain. Let me tell you, those kids had a lot to say. Many of those kids still chat with me as adults. Stop pushing your person issues on your kids.

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  daengh  |  14

It's a reason to have "the talk" with your daughter, not an excuse to embarrass her in front of her friends and said friends' parents who'll decide whether or not to include your child in their activities.

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  PhoenixChick  |  26

So you're saying that OP was justified in what she did entirely on the basis of saving her daughter from peer pressure?

You do know the only way to avoid peer pressure is to avoid your peers, right?

The daughter is going to face these issues, and probably these people, everywhere else in life. All mom did was choose the out of sight, out of mind school of parenting. Rather than support her daughter, she punished her daughter because *some* of her friends *might* be a bad influence about *some* things.

Next step is to lock the kid in the house until shes 18 lest she be around someone whos behavior mom doesnt approve of.

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  Sheogorath  |  4

Agreed. I get that the parents were pissed and the girls embarrassed but this mom acted out of fear, worry and concern. I don't think she did it to be hostile. I think in her own home, (hell in my own home) I would've done close to the same thing. She doesn't owe anyone an apology for reacting to a stressful situation in the best way she saw fit. Maybe I would've called just those girls parents, told them what happened, and asked for them to be picked up. And I'm sure she had a conversation with her daughter afterwards. She panicked.