Miscellaneous: Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab...

By hurts - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66549

You deserved it

4969

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Dangling modifier

Stealth attack

By Fmyhair - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42157

You deserved it

38210

Favorite

By fat and broke - United States - Federal Way

Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26802

You deserved it

4582

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02

That caffeine rush

Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

633

You deserved it

326

Favorite

By itsellie27 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46829

You deserved it

20548

Favorite

By RunningMurphy - United States

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46496

You deserved it

2738

Favorite

By croleymd - United States

Today, I found my company car wrecked in a ditch. Apparently, leaving it parked on an icy hill all night was a bad idea. I have to pick up my manager from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8876

You deserved it

27255

Favorite

By Keira

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1998

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By grrr1234

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31586

You deserved it

6285

Favorite

By Anna - United States

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32951

You deserved it

4853

Favorite

By muffin - Austria

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40091

You deserved it

7401

Favorite

By JJ - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21311

You deserved it

9389

Favorite

By 2old4thiscrap - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18551

You deserved it

37112

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15867

You deserved it

69601

Favorite

By .... - United States - Modesto

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44971

You deserved it

3711

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10274

You deserved it

40665

Favorite

By f*** - United States

Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73867

You deserved it

7353

Favorite

By Xandriajoy10 - Australia

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying 2 minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21530

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By ElemTeacher

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4622

You deserved it

246

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Alfreton

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50935

You deserved it

3903

Favorite

By Trouble

Today, at work, I was informed that my manager told the owner, "Everything wrong with my department" is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4224

You deserved it

424

Favorite

By McSlave - Australia - Cammeray

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32858

You deserved it

2393

Favorite

By Poolfool

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2664

You deserved it

609

Favorite

By Océane Léana K

Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3621

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33295

You deserved it

3008

Favorite

By toobad - Canada

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42280

You deserved it

3999

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hernando

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17983

You deserved it

46228

Favorite

By StillAVirgin - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11636

You deserved it

1217

Favorite

By whyme - United States

Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16662

You deserved it

1256

Favorite

By nice guys finish last - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39284

You deserved it

5633

Favorite

By Henry - United States

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24308

You deserved it

8931

Favorite

By Alexander - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27649

You deserved it

7314

Favorite

By Joboi23

Today, I matched with a woman on Tinder with whom I'd already talked on another dating app. The conversation had died out pretty quickly, so I was surprised she gave me a second chance. Her first message was to tell me how boring I was on the other app. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3978

You deserved it

740

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35916

You deserved it

3902

Favorite

By bloodyLIP - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27164

You deserved it

14117

Favorite

By milkybear - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44764

You deserved it

15832

Favorite

By textraped - United States

Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55136

You deserved it

40515

Favorite

By justwow - United States - Fort George G Meade

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24788

You deserved it

7345

Favorite

By rhcp007 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, I went to drop my little brother off at the nursery. As I walked in, a boy punched me in the dick and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3309

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By Danny - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25318

You deserved it

3269

Favorite

By proudparent - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27325

You deserved it

6668

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By blaucha | 0

#168720 - Monday 4 May 2009 22:59

what an asshole.

By Komatose | 0

#168756 - Monday 4 May 2009 23:04

You should've stabbed him/her and then said "You're right, these dishes do need cleaning."

COMMENTS

By blaucha | 0

#168720 - Monday 4 May 2009 22:59

what an asshole.

hubbabubbba | 0

#1001784 - Saturday 22 May 2010 4:37

bitch

sircletus | 0

#1112176 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:29

she wanted to clean up the blood you got on her dishes haha. I'm glad I'm rich and don't have to clean dishes I never have never will.

OwenMcAwesome | 0

#1642801 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 6:09

That's why you don't try to do a womans job.

Shyman4ever | 0

#1840362 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 0:02

Lucky it wasn't your wrist

greekgal44 | 14

#2780502 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 19:21

agreed.

By Antonio718 | 0

#168723 - Monday 4 May 2009 22:59

You should of told her to go to hell

bpetal | 0

#2624218 - Sunday 5 June 2011 15:32

Who said it was a her?

By Adair_fml | 0

#168724 - Monday 4 May 2009 22:59

ouch!

bianchieiei | 13

#4584604 - Tuesday 19 June 2012 0:08

I thought tong was the meaning of thong...jus realised how dumb i was:/

By 666midnight | 0

#168725 - Monday 4 May 2009 22:59

can't blame them, do you know how hard it is to get blood off plates after it dries?! lmao sucks to be you tho =P

msclvr1996 | 0

#4482517 - Saturday 26 May 2012 4:35

How do you know how hard it is to get blood off a plate? Psycho.

By Zwink | 0

#168732 - Monday 4 May 2009 23:00

dude, watch out and some people need to be nmore careful with how they place things in the drainer

By aquariusbeauty | 0

#168740 - Monday 4 May 2009 23:02

# 3 - Agreed

By Hiljaisen_susi | 0

#168742 - Monday 4 May 2009 23:02

I think you need some new friends...

By andelizastrin | 0

#168754 - Monday 4 May 2009 23:04

Nice friend. What an asshole.
Sorry about your arm. I can only imagine how much that hurts :

By Shinyminey | 0

#168755 - Monday 4 May 2009 23:04

First of all, look before you want to go impale yourselves on knives. And also I agree with #4 :D

By Komatose | 0

#168756 - Monday 4 May 2009 23:04

You should've stabbed him/her and then said "You're right, these dishes do need cleaning."