Miscellaneous: Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

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Dangling modifier

Phantom pooper

Good boy

By quick blow - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

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By fuck the fucking cops - Belgium

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

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By wearingashirtatthepool - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I spent thirty minutes on the phone with my best friend's mom, because her daughter was too afraid to tell me that I'm no longer a bridesmaid at her wedding because I'm too fat. FML

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By nomorepetbird - United States

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

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By ohshootgirl - United States

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

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By Ana

Today, while fighting with a girl I hate, my nose piercing got a little loose and I ended up snorting it in. That same girl had to take me to the hospital for surgery. She told everyone afterwards. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

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By Nat3_2020 - United States

Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sandringham

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

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By Buzz

Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

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By Anon - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

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By marz88 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

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By Hailey - United States

Today, I took sexy pictures for my boyfriend. I am at my Aunt's house. I uploaded the pictures and after successfully posting them in a message I deleted them. I accidentally deleted the whole photo library. Now she is taking the computer to Apple tomorrow to recover the "lost" photos. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

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By foxbrat - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing hysterically and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

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By Faker - United States

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

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By SoftwareDev - South Africa - Johannesburg

Should've stayed home, basically

Today, after getting booked off work for being sick, I go to work anyway. On the way home, I stop by a colleagues fairwell, being the paranoid type of guy I make sure my car is locked about 3-4 times and head in. Later I get home to find my laptop has been stolen from my boot with my medication. FML

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By 12yearsoldapparently - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

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By hearingthings - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looks at me, then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

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By uterurist - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

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By Janet - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

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By melimelo24 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

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By MomOfBoys

Today, it's early-release before Christmas break for the kiddos, and my awesome-sauce boss let them hang out in our law office for the afternoon. So far, one has puked in the conference room, and the other has clogged the toilet. Only 2 hours to go. FML

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By chickfilady

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

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By lonelygirl - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

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By no paedo - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be funny to change my ringtone to some guy crooning "Thank heaven for little girls" and then call me during today's teacher-parent conference. FML

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By HungryGirl - United States

Today, I went to McDonalds to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 23:00

Remember socialising?

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

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By 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

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By BoobSicle - United States

Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "send" that I had sent them to the taxi driver (my last phone call) who had just dropped me off at my house. He won't stop calling my phone now. FML

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By Avdhut Joshi - India - Thane

Today, I set an alarm to wake up for a football match. I woke up after it finished. Turns out, I set my alarm to 12:15 p.m. instead of a.m. I ended up missing one of my team's best performances. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Rosetown

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

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By brotheritachi

Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML

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Top comments

By ObsessedWithGays | 7

#4716143 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

That blows.

By rhysfucker | 24

#4716207 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:23

Clark? Clark Griswold??

COMMENTS

By sola123 | 0

#4716133 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:05

First comment....umadbros.. Umad?

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4716142 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

Yes.

Reply

SkoomaKi | 27

#4716154 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:08

Mods please change the first comment. I think #1 deserves to be humiliated.

By YourMomxD | 8

#4716139 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

Time to call a tow truck?

Reply

PlastikSeraph | 2

#4716239 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:37

Dualies ftw

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#4716281 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:59

Time to pull the jack out of the truck to lift the trailer. No broke window.

Reply

kikiwi_fml | 9

#4716551 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:56

AAA all the way.

Reply

hqbrat | 8

#4717609 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:23

#20 your picture scares the shit out of me

By ObsessedWithGays | 7

#4716143 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

That blows.

Reply

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4717633 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:35

And all the family goes AAAAAAAAA all the way home!!

By ILoveFluttershy | 3

#4716151 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:08

They deities are not allowing you to have a vacation.

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4716229 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:30

Who?

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#4716247 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:43

They deities.

Reply

nickhowa | 0

#4716287 - Saturday 21 July 2012 13:00

in other words, the gods. i believe Hindus are the ones who refer to them as deities.

By sexaaydino | 14

#4716179 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:15

Damn that suxks

Reply

P374RD3D | 9

#4716203 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:21

How can you tell?

Reply

b0ngs | 7

#4716245 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:40

Apparently so do your spelling abilities. *Sucks

Cheerio!

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#4716264 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:49

Good thing "c" and "x" aren't close together on the keyboard, otherwise I'd say that you're wrong about 7's spelling abilities, the mistake was simply a typo, and you're trying to make someone else feel stupid for no good reason.

Reply

b0ngs | 7

#4716494 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:37

this is FML, deal with it

By emmama19 | 15

#4716205 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:22

A series of unfortunate events... Sequel?

Reply

UberNova | 18

#4716266 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:50

I don't think that they have a crazy uncle trying to forcefully marry one of them/kill them, now that WOULD be and FML.

By rhysfucker | 24

#4716207 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:23

Clark? Clark Griswold??

Reply

rahrah765765 | 11

#4716433 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:22

Clark Kent.

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4716485 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:35

10 yes! 28 no...

Reply

hqbrat | 8

#4717614 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:24

#29 your picture scares the shit out of me O.o

By gracehi | 31

#4716221 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:27

Wow! You sure must have pissed off that bitch, Karma, somewhere along the line!

By b0ngs | 7

#4716227 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:30

Maybe it's a sign from above that your vacation wasn't meant to be. Hopefully you got another tire somehow

By legitkitty | 11

#4716231 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:33

Well atleast you had a spare tire in the first place

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4716523 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:48

Yeah totally. That did them so much good.