Miscellaneous: Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

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Taking stock

Serious times

Out of it

By lilmatchgirl - 4/5/2021 00:59 - United States - Godley

Creepy

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

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By nameless - United Kingdom

Today, I got on a bus that was so overcrowded I had to stand next to the driver with nothing to hang on to. A drunk man got on and for the rest of the half hour journey continuously fell on me, when I got off he smiled and told me as the doors were closing "the last twelve times was for fun." FML

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By samantha - 23/6/2020 02:02

Humblebrag in disguise

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

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By Single - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then 'All By Myself' came on the radio. FML

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By gingerwhinger - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

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By o.v. - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

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By - Australia - Frankston

Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML

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By meep

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

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By Oreo

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

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By dumass - United States - Columbus

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

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By caltech - United States - San Jose

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 19:02 - United States - Saint Paul

Stress level: 2020

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

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By sadlife - Canada

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

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By Robert - 6/2/2021 14:00 - United States

Shitheads

Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML

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By Adam - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

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By Garchomp - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

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By babasheep - Canada

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

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By Sleepless Dreams - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

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By A bit cowardly?

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

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By alliobamy - United States

Today, I found an old friend of mine on Facebook. After adding her, I suggested friends for her. She ended up adding every single one I added, but not me. I later saw her ask one of those friends who the hell I was and how I knew all of them. We used to eat lunch together everyday. FML

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By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Ammerndorf

The cheek!

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

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By farmvillefail - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

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By ShamefulShoop

cringe intensifies

Today, I took my mother grocery shopping. From the opposite end of the snack aisle, she yelled, "They don't have my darkies! Ya know how I like my darkies!” She was talking about dark pretzels. I don’t think the appalled black couple next to me knew that. FML

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By Tytonic - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

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By sighoutloud - United States

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

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By malcolmXXX - United States - Savannah

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

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By - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

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By tired individual - United States - Dickson

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

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By Laurita

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

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By adogg18 - United States

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

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By IcedTaco - Ukraine

Today, the guy I was dating told me he thought I was a good person. His reasoning? I'm not ugly enough to be a bad person, but I'm not pretty enough, either. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss reached over and yanked up my shirt right above my breasts while she said, "I'm all for flaunting it if you've got it, but don't reveal that much cleavage, there are dirty old men that work here." FML

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By Solo coffee

Today, it's my last day of work at my job of 2 and a half years. I organised to have coffee with my coworkers at a cafe. Only I turned up. I had my farewell coffee alone. FML

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Top comments

By ObsessedWithGays | 7

#4716143 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

That blows.

By rhysfucker | 24

#4716207 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:23

Clark? Clark Griswold??

COMMENTS

By sola123 | 0

#4716133 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:05

First comment....umadbros.. Umad?

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4716142 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

Yes.

Reply

SkoomaKi | 27

#4716154 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:08

Mods please change the first comment. I think #1 deserves to be humiliated.

By YourMomxD | 8

#4716139 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

Time to call a tow truck?

Reply

PlastikSeraph | 2

#4716239 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:37

Dualies ftw

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#4716281 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:59

Time to pull the jack out of the truck to lift the trailer. No broke window.

Reply

kikiwi_fml | 9

#4716551 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:56

AAA all the way.

Reply

hqbrat | 8

#4717609 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:23

#20 your picture scares the shit out of me

By ObsessedWithGays | 7

#4716143 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

That blows.

Reply

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4717633 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:35

And all the family goes AAAAAAAAA all the way home!!

By ILoveFluttershy | 3

#4716151 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:08

They deities are not allowing you to have a vacation.

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4716229 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:30

Who?

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#4716247 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:43

They deities.

Reply

nickhowa | 0

#4716287 - Saturday 21 July 2012 13:00

in other words, the gods. i believe Hindus are the ones who refer to them as deities.

By sexaaydino | 14

#4716179 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:15

Damn that suxks

Reply

P374RD3D | 9

#4716203 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:21

How can you tell?

Reply

b0ngs | 7

#4716245 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:40

Apparently so do your spelling abilities. *Sucks

Cheerio!

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#4716264 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:49

Good thing "c" and "x" aren't close together on the keyboard, otherwise I'd say that you're wrong about 7's spelling abilities, the mistake was simply a typo, and you're trying to make someone else feel stupid for no good reason.

Reply

b0ngs | 7

#4716494 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:37

this is FML, deal with it

By emmama19 | 15

#4716205 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:22

A series of unfortunate events... Sequel?

Reply

UberNova | 18

#4716266 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:50

I don't think that they have a crazy uncle trying to forcefully marry one of them/kill them, now that WOULD be and FML.

By rhysfucker | 24

#4716207 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:23

Clark? Clark Griswold??

Reply

rahrah765765 | 11

#4716433 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:22

Clark Kent.

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4716485 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:35

10 yes! 28 no...

Reply

hqbrat | 8

#4717614 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:24

#29 your picture scares the shit out of me O.o

By gracehi | 31

#4716221 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:27

Wow! You sure must have pissed off that bitch, Karma, somewhere along the line!

By b0ngs | 7

#4716227 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:30

Maybe it's a sign from above that your vacation wasn't meant to be. Hopefully you got another tire somehow

By legitkitty | 11

#4716231 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:33

Well atleast you had a spare tire in the first place

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4716523 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:48

Yeah totally. That did them so much good.