Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/7/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

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Car Wars

Reliable

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 7/3/2015 19:05 - United States - Brandon

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

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By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2016 10:04 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

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By SleepyKirsty - 9/6/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

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By crap - 19/6/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

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By cherrycokeee - 6/2/2010 18:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

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By Awahso - 16/10/2013 21:42 - United States - Buford

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

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By Lorky - 8/5/2020 02:00 - United States

There goes the neighborhood

Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

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By Adrian James - 9/7/2019 12:00

Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 14:59 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

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By bertiebeth - 2/8/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

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By Liah12 - 5/3/2016 13:52 - United States - Holt

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

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By babydoc - 3/7/2020 23:00

Friendly advice

Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML

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By Crushgonewrong - 22/6/2016 21:42 - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

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By FriutlessApple - 11/10/2013 15:18 - United Kingdom

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML

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By JN5SLK - 8/11/2013 22:29 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

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By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

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By dunno why we bother - 31/3/2014 20:07 - United States - Tampa

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

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By clublulu - 10/4/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

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By just wanted nice nails - 5/8/2015 04:37 - United States - Palmer

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

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By lonely - 15/9/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby

Saturday Night Fever-ish

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

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By funnnyyyyy -_- - 1/8/2015 08:29 - Nepal - Kathmandu

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

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By TheStressComesFree - 31/7/2013 16:47 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

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By thedri11 - 31/5/2012 01:52 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I was so broke I went to Costco, not to buy anything, but to eat their free food samples. FML

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By Username - 26/9/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

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By EpicFail - 25/1/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

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By parenting_failure - 20/3/2011 16:10 - France

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

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By froyo - 26/2/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

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By KlutzyFarmGirl - 12/6/2018 14:30 - United States

Glamorous...

Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2013 16:20 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

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By no love - 1/1/2016 22:41 - United States

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

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By Go away - 10/11/2013 08:03 - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

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By grammarnazi-forareason - 3/7/2013 06:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

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By Mike - 28/2/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

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By tuggernuts - 17/7/2012 15:32 - United States

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

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By catlady - 9/1/2012 16:56 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

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Top comments

By ObsessedWithGays | 7

#4716143 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

That blows.

By rhysfucker | 24

#4716207 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:23

Clark? Clark Griswold??

COMMENTS

By sola123 | 0

#4716133 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:05

First comment....umadbros.. Umad?

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4716142 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

Yes.

Reply

SkoomaKi | 27

#4716154 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:08

Mods please change the first comment. I think #1 deserves to be humiliated.

By YourMomxD | 8

#4716139 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

Time to call a tow truck?

Reply

PlastikSeraph | 2

#4716239 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:37

Dualies ftw

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#4716281 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:59

Time to pull the jack out of the truck to lift the trailer. No broke window.

Reply

kikiwi_fml | 9

#4716551 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:56

AAA all the way.

Reply

hqbrat | 8

#4717609 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:23

#20 your picture scares the shit out of me

By ObsessedWithGays | 7

#4716143 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:06

That blows.

Reply

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4717633 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:35

And all the family goes AAAAAAAAA all the way home!!

By ILoveFluttershy | 3

#4716151 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:08

They deities are not allowing you to have a vacation.

Reply

dude1122332 | 9

#4716229 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:30

Who?

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#4716247 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:43

They deities.

Reply

nickhowa | 0

#4716287 - Saturday 21 July 2012 13:00

in other words, the gods. i believe Hindus are the ones who refer to them as deities.

By sexaaydino | 14

#4716179 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:15

Damn that suxks

Reply

P374RD3D | 9

#4716203 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:21

How can you tell?

Reply

b0ngs | 7

#4716245 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:40

Apparently so do your spelling abilities. *Sucks

Cheerio!

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#4716264 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:49

Good thing "c" and "x" aren't close together on the keyboard, otherwise I'd say that you're wrong about 7's spelling abilities, the mistake was simply a typo, and you're trying to make someone else feel stupid for no good reason.

Reply

b0ngs | 7

#4716494 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:37

this is FML, deal with it

By emmama19 | 15

#4716205 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:22

A series of unfortunate events... Sequel?

Reply

UberNova | 18

#4716266 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:50

I don't think that they have a crazy uncle trying to forcefully marry one of them/kill them, now that WOULD be and FML.

By rhysfucker | 24

#4716207 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:23

Clark? Clark Griswold??

Reply

rahrah765765 | 11

#4716433 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:22

Clark Kent.

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4716485 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:35

10 yes! 28 no...

Reply

hqbrat | 8

#4717614 - Saturday 21 July 2012 22:24

#29 your picture scares the shit out of me O.o

By gracehi | 31

#4716221 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:27

Wow! You sure must have pissed off that bitch, Karma, somewhere along the line!

By b0ngs | 7

#4716227 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:30

Maybe it's a sign from above that your vacation wasn't meant to be. Hopefully you got another tire somehow

By legitkitty | 11

#4716231 - Saturday 21 July 2012 12:33

Well atleast you had a spare tire in the first place

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4716523 - Saturday 21 July 2012 14:48

Yeah totally. That did them so much good.