Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided... - FML

By Anonymous - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14772

You deserved it

30573

Tweet

Share

Get on with it!

Paper trail

Fashion Police

By Hailey

Today, I had to awkwardly explain in a conference with HR, management, and my coworkers that the occasional bruises, cuts, welts, and choke marks are from consensual BDSM sex and NOT domestic violence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5441

You deserved it

3038

Tweet

Share

By howprofessional - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23858

You deserved it

47075

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26011

You deserved it

2122

Tweet

Share

By e11ie - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25801

You deserved it

3085

Tweet

Share

By MGDS - United States - Pine Grove

Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41116

You deserved it

3246

Tweet

Share

By Madokami - United States - Kingston

Today, a customer became irrationally angry and called me a "stupid bitch", all because she couldn't use the coupon clearly marked "30% off grocery items" on a prescription from our pharmacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6657

You deserved it

405

Tweet

Share

By Catois - United States

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25683

You deserved it

13141

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35758

You deserved it

7655

Tweet

Share

By emmmbo - Australia

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes, mine said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55705

You deserved it

5432

Tweet

Share

By Adulting

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1993

You deserved it

2590

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49910

You deserved it

5080

Tweet

Share

By brownunderwear - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27692

You deserved it

7851

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2020 23:01

Boundaries

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1792

You deserved it

208

Tweet

Share

By Shock91 - China - Beijing

Milky Milky

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1429

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By SMCHR - Ireland

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32161

You deserved it

3653

Tweet

Share

By caught - United States

Caught red-handed

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20241

You deserved it

36126

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24656

You deserved it

3614

Tweet

Share

By Mary - United States

He's trying to kill you!

Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1773

You deserved it

199

Tweet

Share

By I’m bushiest - Australia - Bankstown

Today after flying 9+ hours to meet my future month in-law I had to take a pee in the rubbish bucket from her car infront of her, I said in my very bad Japanese “so I guess we are good friends now” she responded with a confident “yes” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2065

You deserved it

361

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34857

You deserved it

3613

Tweet

Share

By HURP - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26003

You deserved it

13082

Tweet

Share

By NotSoCool - Singapore

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12456

You deserved it

42578

Tweet

Share

By run4fun - United States

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11814

You deserved it

48963

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4759

You deserved it

1006

Tweet

Share

By ohlordhelpmenow - United States

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29426

You deserved it

2673

Tweet

Share

By clop clop clopping all the way - United States

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51355

You deserved it

3960

Tweet

Share

By AtheistLookingforRoomie

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6193

You deserved it

1473

Tweet

Share

By apparentlyhesbusy - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39575

You deserved it

2858

Tweet

Share

By mandie - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28367

You deserved it

2527

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 22:59

Real life

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 16 months has had an "internet-only" girlfriend since before we got together, but she wasn't ever "real" to him, so he didn't think it would get in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

797

You deserved it

83

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 07:30 - Australia - Geraldton

Talking Heads song playing?

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

514

You deserved it

214

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cypress

Today, my mother-in-law threw bricks at my car. Her defense? I shouldn't have parked in her brick throwing spot, in my own driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7675

You deserved it

444

Tweet

Share

By probably_the_ex_now - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12917

You deserved it

97249

Tweet

Share

By bitch - Australia

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24485

You deserved it

56490

Tweet

Share

By melonhead - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34785

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By ObviousBooty - United States - Kankakee

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15821

You deserved it

3672

Tweet

Share

By Deadmeat

Throw the bill at the kid. Do it.

Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3919

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By Sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1734

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By jam - 27/7/2020 08:01

Is that even legal?

Today, my boss told me that I'm being terminated. Apparently, being pregnant means I was going to quit soon anyway, so there's no point. Now I have to get job so I don't get deported. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By bandcamp926 - United States

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11311

You deserved it

22613

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By givants | 0

#801818 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:40

hey, look T the bright side... you had sex dude, with a princess!!!

By perdix | 29

#801766 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 9:51

Did he drive you in a car, or with a golf club? Those SEALs are legendarily tough.

COMMENTS

By x805xUnknown | 6

#801713 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 9:15

(First)
Wow, that sucks, really bad. Well at least you made it to the E.R.??

Reply

#802082 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 14:18

Yeah I agree at least you made it to the ER he could have just kicked your ass and left you

Reply

lolfmlfail | 0

#803668 - Thursday 28 January 2010 3:33

ur lucky your still alive

Reply

pipp360 | 0

#803701 - Thursday 28 January 2010 3:48

I don't see why dads get so bentbout of shape about that stiff. it's natual.how do they think they got there kids?!!!!!!

Reply

natedog193 | 0

#806674 - Friday 29 January 2010 7:46

bet that was one hell of a ride

Reply

_whoops | 0

#810237 - Saturday 30 January 2010 20:47

its too bad he didnt beat you...lol well wait until you have a daughter of your own and lets see how you like it... im sure you will tell them to not stop and do it in your home ^^

Reply

rjhoney | 0

#816053 - Monday 1 February 2010 18:19

dads get mad cuz they don't want them to get pregnant or get stds,trust me,when your a dad u will understand.and alot of adults stand for abstanance(I sort of do too).

Reply

heartdeestar | 0

#977834 - Sunday 11 April 2010 16:32

ur hot

Reply

DetLions32 | 6

#3623653 - Wednesday 23 November 2011 8:32

Why would he run?

By Monkey_Man_03 | 0

#801723 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 9:19

yeah with prob more than just the broken ankle.

By xanniefiend420 | 0

#801738 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 9:24

gotta be sneakier dude... try like hiding under the bed or in the closet or somthin. or actually making it out the door.

Reply

iloveloosy12 | 0

#802126 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 14:52

and not falling

Reply

xxhappyninjaxx | 0

#802962 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:35

"and he's trapped in closet"

Reply

nkklllll | 4

#803638 - Thursday 28 January 2010 3:22

that's a win

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5635269 - Tuesday 20 August 2013 4:50

i hid in a closet once. her mom had a rampage through her room and eventually found me.. thought i was gonna die

By perdix | 29

#801766 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 9:51

Did he drive you in a car, or with a golf club? Those SEALs are legendarily tough.

Reply

pedosmurf | 7

#4118542 - Saturday 3 March 2012 18:18

They are but just because they are trained to kill doesn't mean he will beat the shit out of the kid he is still under eighteen I think

By Hanban | 0

#801785 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:13

I'd probably try to start a conversation. But then, he's a Navy Seal... FYL.

By Phallus_fml | 0

#801788 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:15

sounds as if you found this stranger girl on the street, lured her into having sex with you and blah blah blah. boring.

By givants | 0

#801818 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:40

hey, look T the bright side... you had sex dude, with a princess!!!

Reply

kaycox3 | 0

#1108570 - Monday 19 July 2010 9:00

hahaha this made me laugh more then the fml.

By Yessii | 0

#801836 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:55

haha:D

Reply

WTFjizzinmypantz | 0

#1108801 - Monday 19 July 2010 10:27

what a wierdo ^^

Reply

UmBongos | 3

#4483089 - Saturday 26 May 2012 6:32

What a wierdo? ^^

By cooly1100 | 0

#801854 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 11:11

that just sucks ass but it funny as hell though

By uhohuscrewedup | 0

#801939 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 12:36

hey atleast u don't have to run from him anymore.