Today, I was having dinner at a restaurant with my best friend... - FML

By CatLady - 16/6/2017 04:00

Today, I was having dinner at a restaurant with my best friend and her 18-month-old. I really had to fart, so I let one go silently, hoping it would go unnoticed. I caught a whiff of it, but so did my friend apparently, because she made a face and then held up her baby to smell her diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3413

You deserved it

1230

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Rock, hard place

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By Anonymous - 5/12/2013 19:10 - United Kingdom - Washington

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50524

You deserved it

8736

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10306

You deserved it

46376

Tweet

Share

By Werner - 2/3/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19621

You deserved it

67319

Tweet

Share

By TrophyGirlfriend - 17/8/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53747

You deserved it

3187

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/8/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40693

You deserved it

2722

Tweet

Share

By - 25/4/2019 04:00

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1950

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By ShittyWalls - 9/3/2013 13:35 - United States - Moorestown

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43638

You deserved it

16907

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36984

You deserved it

3332

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/10/2013 20:25 - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48439

You deserved it

3309

Tweet

Share

By Nanabanana1 - 7/2/2012 01:23 - United States

Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39901

You deserved it

2818

Tweet

Share

By NoorFML - 13/9/2013 13:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43822

You deserved it

7461

Tweet

Share

By - 2/10/2018 03:00

Today, at 3am, my boyfriend's phone notifications kept going off. I attempted to wake him up, but he didn't budge. When I went to silence it, I saw his Ashley Madison notification, followed by Tinder, Zoosk, and Plenty of Fish. We've been monogamous over a year... or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4055

You deserved it

284

Tweet

Share

By cryface - 7/2/2014 04:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49847

You deserved it

17714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 11:10 - United States

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45064

You deserved it

30497

Tweet

Share

By Mezzlegasm - 10/7/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "oh, like you're responsible for a whole family." She is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17041

You deserved it

51065

Tweet

Share

By nick - 24/12/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30307

You deserved it

2981

Tweet

Share

By FallCameEarly - 27/2/2014 06:21 - United States - Alhambra

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41020

You deserved it

3852

Tweet

Share

By Gabby125 - 19/9/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27538

You deserved it

4279

Tweet

Share

By Big Mouth - 13/11/2018 14:00

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3143

You deserved it

1164

Tweet

Share

By ice_dancer_jake - 20/6/2019 02:28

Today, after spending the day at work avoiding all hard manual tasks that may harm me, I had a table dropped on my foot. I broke my toe, split my nail and had to get a tetanus shot. I was avoiding injury as I was supposed to be performing in a figure skating exhibition this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1779

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By pranksonpranks - 14/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Dicks aplenty!

Today, my sister and I have been in a prank war. She spammed my phone with dozens of random dick pics from the internet. My boyfriend saw and accused me of cheating. Now he won’t talk to me, and my sister won’t help me explain things. Guess she won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1320

You deserved it

219

Tweet

Share

By regretsteachinghighschool - 5/11/2013 13:22 - United States - Rochester

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48393

You deserved it

5801

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/4/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25654

You deserved it

4001

Tweet

Share

By Allabouttheporn - 22/12/2016 00:05

Today, at dinner, I was talking to my parents about a movie quote. I couldn't remember what movie it was from. Then I remembered. It was a porno. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7899

You deserved it

3231

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2015 15:29 - United States

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28760

You deserved it

15281

Tweet

Share

By Username - 1/9/2010 00:35 - France

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30620

You deserved it

9974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 23:12 - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29003

You deserved it

8623

Tweet

Share

By Solemnwishing - 13/7/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55528

You deserved it

22391

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11275

You deserved it

2330

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/1/2018 19:00

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5441

You deserved it

392

Tweet

Share

By Jessica S. - 6/9/2012 11:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25342

You deserved it

2006

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/2/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44208

You deserved it

4449

Tweet

Share

By dirty deeds - 31/5/2020 14:00

Still better than the Cats movie

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1344

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By potatohead - 1/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3329

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By LETMEOUT! - 18/9/2017 04:30

Today, despite being claustrophobic and avoiding lifts at all costs, I had to use the lift at work to carry boxes of paper to the 3rd floor. It broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3657

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By meeeoow - 22/1/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30560

You deserved it

2762

Tweet

Share

By terrified - 8/6/2015 03:13 - United States - Union Star

Today, the amount of spiders in my house has gotten so bad that it's become routine to shake out any blankets or towels before using them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29132

You deserved it

3618

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2015 05:42 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30410

You deserved it

2518

Tweet

Share

By elisimo - 24/1/2012 08:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20484

You deserved it

35614

Tweet

Share

By Jon - 5/5/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22466

You deserved it

47252

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#7471014 - Friday 16 June 2017 4:16

So you farted and got away with it without blame? FYL indeed, OP. Hopefully next time your friend will suspect you instead of their baby.

By Talented73 | 54

#7471015 - Friday 16 June 2017 4:33

Rectum? It damn near killed 'um!

COMMENTS

By Tripartita | 44

#7471014 - Friday 16 June 2017 4:16

So you farted and got away with it without blame? FYL indeed, OP. Hopefully next time your friend will suspect you instead of their baby.

By Talented73 | 54

#7471015 - Friday 16 June 2017 4:33

Rectum? It damn near killed 'um!

By wickedgetz | 29

#7471024 - Friday 16 June 2017 5:15

atleast you got away with it

By KaIuLtLuEmRn | 8

#7471545 - Friday 16 June 2017 21:51

So someone smelled your fart but didn't even know it was you? How is that even slightly bad?

By ProperPengTing | 15

#7471656 - Saturday 17 June 2017 5:10

18? Lol just say a 1 year old

By Madrias | 36

#7471683 - Saturday 17 June 2017 7:43

Well, it wasn't noticed as a fart, so you're golden.

By js1992 | 8

#7473055 - Monday 19 June 2017 6:59

1 and a half year old. for fucks sake. do you call a 2 year old a 24 month old as well. generally after a year it usually just goes by year not months because you don't have to count by months any more...

Reply

cthvlhv | 0

#7474377 - Wednesday 21 June 2017 17:09

Calm down. It's not that serious.

By dexter420 | 21

#7645581 - Friday 8 June 2018 23:31

You were in a restaurant. What is wrong with you?