Transportation: Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well.... - FML

By bluemonday - Canada

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

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There's no helping some people

Sorry…

#1 Dad of the day

By lindsay

Unflattered

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

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By Sal - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

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By secretmisery05 - 25/5/2020 17:00

Oh, hello there!

Today, my husband and I waited until the TV shut off at 11 p.m. in the next room to signal his grandmother had retired to her bed upstairs. After doing it on a very squeaky bed, we went out naked half an hour later to go to the restroom across the hall, only to discover his Nana laying on the couch. FML

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By Emma - 17/3/2021 22:59

The heat is on

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

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By milkysubstance - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

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By Almost Fired

Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML

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By Retailhell - United States

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2020 02:03

Ouch

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

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By heretoserve - United States - Winchester

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

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By chinatownhobo - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

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By AbhorrentApplication - United States - Reston

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

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By sadgirl

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rome

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

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By bbbblt - Australia

Cheats, cheats everwhere

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

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By snitchovich - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Hagersville

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

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By walllflower - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML

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By beaverless - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in sexual activity anymore because it is getting too boring. FML

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By floggingnasty - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

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By UnluckyReporter - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

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By sweet92 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

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By wheelmaker

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

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By Sir Smokalot - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

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By thenewgirl - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

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By whatnow - United States - Carmel

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

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By Gen - France

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

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By Dana422 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

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By hihipanda - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

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By highschoolsucks - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

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By callerid - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

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By Stressed

Today, I got promoted. By promoted, I mean, given a much harder job with no training and no extra pay because someone went on maternity leave. They've already hired someone for my old position. FML

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By trappedinmyownhome

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

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Top comments

By skierguy | 0

#119689 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:03

Haha, those must have been some strange looks.

By dreams_infinity_fml | 0

#119730 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:12

lol i hate people hitting me with their stuff when i am sleeping in the train.
I once woke up cause i farted mildly loud.

COMMENTS

By skierguy | 0

#119689 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:03

Haha, those must have been some strange looks.

Reply

noobgang7 | 5

#979760 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 13:45

I think the FML is that he didn't get out of the well :P

Reply

caester9 | 0

#1559671 - Sunday 17 October 2010 6:35

hey this chick is from Calgary because I was on the ctrain when this happened

By Osakhomen | 0

#119704 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:05

LMAO! That is funny as heck! HAAHAH

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#119707 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:06

don't worry about it, you took a nap on a train... its not like your gonna see them all the time

By laughatverne | 0

#119720 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:09

why'd the lady hit you? =(

Reply

bryson9 | 0

#1210631 - Monday 9 August 2010 6:24

lol

Reply

glutgyoogle | 6

#3119087 - Tuesday 16 August 2011 17:36

4- you're stupid.

Reply

capslockisgood | 19

#4904128 - Friday 7 September 2012 2:00

Considering the apology, it was probably accidental.

By dreams_infinity_fml | 0

#119730 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:12

lol i hate people hitting me with their stuff when i am sleeping in the train.
I once woke up cause i farted mildly loud.

By Arian_fml | 0

#119731 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:13

Thats AWKWARD!
lol.
Don't worry about it too much.

By Big_Blue_Sumthin | 0

#119738 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:15

The well thing is kind of creepy. Do you maybe subconsciously aspire to be the girl from The Ring? Sucks either way!

By SofiaM_fml | 2

#119752 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:18

* "Were staring" would be better

Reply

Alicia_Raven7 | 0

#956533 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 4:21

No one cares about spelling... its the internet. people never use grammar.

Reply

NickPortrayed | 0

#984047 - Friday 23 April 2010 16:05

It's*, People*

By SuicideSaint_fml | 0

#119756 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:18

Is this the same guy who got robbed with a pez dispenser?

By nowayss | 0

#119759 - Friday 17 April 2009 20:20

lmao, haha.