Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while... - FML

By zep - 7/6/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

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Car Wars

Thanks, I'm cured!

Great speech, thanks!

By Mightaswelltutordogs - 21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

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By squirrels69ing - 22/5/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

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By NotCuteEnough - 24/8/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML

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By StinkFoot - 28/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

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By husks - 12/4/2011 04:08

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2013 09:04 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

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By why - 12/10/2015 02:07 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm no longer allowed to work the drive-thru at my job, because over the weekend, 3 dumbasses I go to school with came in and complained to my manager, saying I sounded a creepy pervert and that it scared them enough to take their business elsewhere. FML

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By justsomesummer - 26/1/2016 18:09 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

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By catherine - 17/6/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my camera into water. The good news is that it's waterproof. The bad news is I dropped it off London Bridge. All the pictures and videos of my four-month trip around Europe were on it. FML

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By assante2010 - 24/7/2011 00:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

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By cheersdaddy - 8/6/2011 14:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad was given 2 VIP tickets to see my favourite band in concert next week. You can now find them on eBay. FML

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By bossproblems - 17/10/2016 18:47 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML

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By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

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By Belle - 8/4/2016 18:11 - United States - Berwyn

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

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By I Have Failed - 2/4/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

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By Deedee - 28/3/2017 00:00

Today, 15 minutes before the end of the day, my boss asked me who I was training to replace me. He then said never mind, that it was his job to choose someone. I hadn't indicated that I was planning on leaving the company. FML

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By breeeeeh - 21/6/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

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By yashmoshin1 - 17/6/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Once you see it…

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

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By bestiality? do I look like a pig? - 26/5/2013 20:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

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By WhiteLiar - 4/3/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

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By kagan - 8/8/2019 14:00

Today, the only food in the house is canned beans and vegetables that I can’t stand. My dad refuses to go to the store because, "we can't afford it." Meanwhile, my stepmom just came home with a brand new Gucci purse. FML

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By lsta - 4/5/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

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By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

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By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - 2/9/2010 23:51 - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

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By Tally - 24/9/2009 16:16 - Canada

Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited until I saw they were from my good friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML

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By Betsydoll - 29/3/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

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By deven - 29/8/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

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By Freelman - 6/5/2015 14:34 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

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By fired - 4/11/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, I was fired for the second time in as many days. I received a letter notifying me that I would no longer be working for the company, effective immediately. When I did not attend work the next day, I received a phone call firing me for not turning up. FML

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By Zak - 23/3/2012 23:10 - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

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By RedHotRoses - 20/12/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

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By shastadoe - 6/8/2012 06:37 - United States - Los Banos

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

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By Seriouslynow - 22/5/2016 17:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

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By lovewedge - 9/3/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

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By useyourownbed - 18/9/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

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By Awkward - 14/4/2016 00:29 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was caller number nine on the radio, meaning I technically won the contest. I was too awkward, so they hung up on me. FML

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By JBone - 22/1/2009 07:02 - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

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Top comments

By funsize003 | 0

#278878 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:14

how could you possibly have missed that little fact haha?
didn't you check the rooms?

this is hilarious though.

By jj732 | 0

#278880 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:15

hahaha why wouldn't you check every room you dumbass.

COMMENTS

By Sjolie | 0

#278864 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:12

Did they get a good look?

Reply

McCamryn123 | 0

#1291116 - Monday 23 August 2010 19:29

today i was Hard at work..(:

Reply

MileyCyrusIsHot | 5

#3960152 - Sunday 29 January 2012 6:14

hehe

By speedydrumstix | 0

#278871 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:13

sounds like another FML

Reply

teozac | 0

#1033995 - Thursday 17 June 2010 19:48

yeah it's the same but a used condom on the bed

By funsize003 | 0

#278878 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:14

how could you possibly have missed that little fact haha?
didn't you check the rooms?

this is hilarious though.

By jj732 | 0

#278880 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:15

hahaha why wouldn't you check every room you dumbass.

By huggles87 | 0

#278887 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:16

Hahaha sucks for your friends though least you could make up a story or something still awesome haha

Reply

Thesacred | 0

#843979 - Thursday 11 February 2010 8:28

FAIL

By DreMaMa | 0

#278911 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:21

Just say, they broke into your house and threatened you to let them have sex in thier room

By chapmmel | 0

#278912 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:21

Of course it is #2, thats why its on here...

Oh :( I guess you didn't remember to check the bedrooms? It must of been more awkward for them instead of you because you didn't know :P

By LchTessMnstr | 3

#278913 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:21

Please tell me some pictures went up on myspace/facebook/etc. Well at least your friends weren't conscious to see/meet your parents. I think that'd be worse...and more awkward.

Reply

cameron194 | 9

#5157813 - Saturday 17 November 2012 10:34

Something tells me they didn't continue to let them sleep naked in their bed..

By funsize003 | 0

#278922 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:23

#8, haha I think #2 meant that it sounds like one that has been on the site in the past. :)

By BikerMike | 0

#278940 - Sunday 7 June 2009 16:29

That is why you never have parties at your parents house. You have to worry about what they are going to break, stains in the carpet, and you have to get rid of all the evedence (alcohol, clean up the mess, rubbers and cum stains and passed out people). now your parents will not trust you.