Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7270

You deserved it

62303

Tweet

Share

Family values

Not gonna happen

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By lucasbeck99 - United States - Mabank

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33204

You deserved it

3819

Tweet

Share

By scruffy - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15992

You deserved it

37895

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48861

You deserved it

4283

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36835

You deserved it

5088

Tweet

Share

By TiredHomeowner

Today, I realised just how skewed my reality is when I was pleasantly surprised that teenagers threw eggs at my windows. They usually throw rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3243

You deserved it

199

Tweet

Share

By Pudgymom

Today, I ran into an old friend at the store with my infant daughter. As we caught up, she assured me that I could get rid of all my baby weight from the pregnancy. If only I had actually been pregnant. My wife carried her and looks fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11303

You deserved it

1615

Tweet

Share

By DarkChild - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22332

You deserved it

1576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22719

You deserved it

2849

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36372

You deserved it

3755

Tweet

Share

By Human fly - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25062

You deserved it

46363

Tweet

Share

By turriblebday - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32680

You deserved it

2569

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41561

You deserved it

4773

Tweet

Share

By kaylashay2k13 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12930

You deserved it

1085

Tweet

Share

By NotAThief

Swiper No Swiping!

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4872

You deserved it

286

Tweet

Share

By Deadfish - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48250

You deserved it

7116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40645

You deserved it

7150

Tweet

Share

By uthinkucandraw - United States

Today, I flew into New Zealand to surprise my girlfriend on her trip. In the New Zealand Airport I received a text message saying she wanted to break up with me. I live in Michigan and just spent $1,500 for this romantic surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

94486

You deserved it

7312

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11948

You deserved it

80400

Tweet

Share

By ___Ruby_____

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2444

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By swag papi - Australia - Perth

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang, I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21901

You deserved it

8288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 05:00

Moving

Today, I realized timing really is everything. I met the man of my dreams less than a month before I’m relocating for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1294

You deserved it

98

Tweet

Share

By UkuleleTime - United States - Garner

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32676

You deserved it

2390

Tweet

Share

By RhuLynette - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26578

You deserved it

2974

Tweet

Share

By ahh - United Kingdom

Today, the last person I invited to my birthday party called and said they couldn't come because another party "came up" and they "hope I understand". It's on December 31st. This happens every year without fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30831

You deserved it

9053

Tweet

Share

By littlespoon - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27345

You deserved it

3535

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36535

You deserved it

4121

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8172

You deserved it

55096

Tweet

Share

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/3/2020 02:00

Not that handy

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

624

You deserved it

1754

Tweet

Share

By notmyfam - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15472

You deserved it

1020

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 08:58 - United States

Ties that bind

Today, I offered to give my ex a ride home from work. He and I ended on good terms years ago, we just aren't compatible with each other. I dropped him off and not ten seconds later, he came back out looking sick. His fiancee was inside having sex with MY new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2274

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Warren

Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML

I agree, your life sucks

4180

You deserved it

569

Tweet

Share

By mushroommouth - United States

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32687

You deserved it

22635

Tweet

Share

By bubbles - United States

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14957

You deserved it

55567

Tweet

Share

By reese - 11/6/2020 05:03

The arrogance of youth

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks

900

You deserved it

491

Tweet

Share

By Rachel - United States

Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34094

You deserved it

4810

Tweet

Share

By simon - Canada

Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56055

You deserved it

11168

Tweet

Share

By jjcod - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41180

You deserved it

10163

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29014

You deserved it

12041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Surprise

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26663

You deserved it

1885

Tweet

Share

By forewhatnow - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26533

You deserved it

9745

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jomer9 | 0

#385094 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:27

What a coincidence. I happen to live in Texas and my upstairs neighbor forgot to hook up their drain hose and ended up flooding our place too! Perhaps you are my neighbor?

By Tearz | 0

#385036 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:13

FAIL, double check next time

COMMENTS

By Tearz | 0

#385036 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:13

FAIL, double check next time

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#2971670 - Monday 25 July 2011 12:09

what about the dryer? it doesn't dry and I don't think you need a drain hose for that...

By scubasteve159753 | 0

#385037 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:14

You're dumb. Where did you think the water was going to go?

By TheTrueBeautyx3 | 0

#385047 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:16

That is why I don't do things like that on my own.

By CodeMan16 | 0

#385052 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:17

fourth

By alliemi | 0

#385056 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:18

How could this not be a YDI? Seriously

By flyingpan8 | 0

#385061 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:18

yo mama so stupid, when she asked me what brand of jeans i'm wearing? and i replied "guess" she said "levis"

you sir, are dumber than your mom.

P.S. yo mama so ugly, even ripley couldn't beleive it

Reply

alex_vik | 0

#385353 - Friday 10 July 2009 22:29

Well that was the dumbest response I've ever seen on this site.

Reply

perryscherry | 0

#385355 - Friday 10 July 2009 22:30

It makes me sad how unfunny u are...really!

@ the OP: what did u not do to the dryer?

By Person1233 | 12

#385063 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:19

YDI.. Your life is still fucked for that message x]

By Dead_and_Gone | 0

#385065 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:19

dumbass

By macc55 | 2

#385076 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:21

Congratulations! Your a fucking idiot!

Reply

tounces7 | 27

#5771712 - Friday 29 November 2013 2:49

Irony. "You're".

By nattylight | 0

#385080 - Friday 10 July 2009 20:23

you are just an idiot. some guy just made easy money.