Transportation: Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love... - FML

By GrLifeusx - United States

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

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Sick burn

Extreme cooking

Time to run

By TractorUWG - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

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By abbshows - United States

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

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By nopissleft - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

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By JTinNJ - United States - Parsippany

Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML

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By brit - United States

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

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By Boar - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

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By tax-man - United States - Chapin

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

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By wmhh26

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I've been "spending too much time at the bar." I've been sober for 2 years. FML

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By Lord Buttfuck IV - France

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

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By AsianSensation - Canada - Toronto

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

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By Dumbdumb - United States

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

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By icyrebel25 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

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By blk8764 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 05:01

That's… a strange coincidence

Today, my boyfriend of three years hooked up with a girl who got herpes from a Michigan football player. FML

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By poorman - Canada

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

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By Anonymous - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

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By BoohooBouquet

Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

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By kumcat - United States - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

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By arknvl - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

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By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

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By The Cat Tickler

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Egg mode

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

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By EveOnRoad

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

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By IGOTIT - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

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By - 12/2/2020 14:00 - United States

Almost father

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

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By Tupac

Today, I got a new title at work. My boss hyped it up and made it sound amazing, so I accepted. Come to find out it pays 20k less a year and is twice as much work. FML

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By vanessa_d15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

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By wtf - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

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By outoflove - United States - Rockport

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

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By Anonymous

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

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By Mkimmi - United States - State College

We can tell

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

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Top comments

By Yunie_fml | 0

#21216 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:23

Should've brought your wand.

By zachhh | 0

#21235 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:54

stupid muggle.......

COMMENTS

By Yunie_fml | 0

#21216 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:23

Should've brought your wand.

Reply

Straka | 0

#940082 - Friday 12 March 2010 21:18

see this is why people shouldn't be so nerdy, dressin up like a magical English fart, WTF

Reply

FYL_hardd | 0

#1058208 - Saturday 3 July 2010 16:28

118 - It's not being "nerdy". The convention was themed Harry Potter, therefore the visitors were to dress as a character from the book. They're just really into it..

Reply

yuop77 | 0

#1106272 - Sunday 18 July 2010 14:07

ya, nerdy

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#1227736 - Thursday 12 August 2010 10:23

hehehe!! this made me giggle xD

Reply

kappaaa | 12

#1293309 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 4:49

#118 your a dick. People like to do that sort of stuff, doesn't mean there a 'nerd' fuck stick.

Reply

Lucidium | 0

#2316994 - Saturday 9 April 2011 2:22

yeah it does

Reply

lenor_fml | 7

#3210615 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 9:16

Or better yet, should've taken the knight bus my friend

Reply

moonpiglet | 4

#4549865 - Sunday 10 June 2012 22:13

"English fart"? I'm English! We're not all "farts"!!

Reply

Rohit281 | 13

#5717130 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 15:56

More like he should have "used" his wand. Spell is "reparo".

By Assmilk | 0

#21219 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:27

You didn't bring your flying broom with you? Idiot...

By loser_fml | 1

#21220 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:28

Agreed with #1

Reply

xiaoxaio | 5

#3655583 - Tuesday 29 November 2011 1:48

neeeeerrrrrddddd!

By k649 | 0

#21223 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:39

If only you were the real Harry Potter, you could have flown there.

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#862914 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:13

he said he was Ron not Harry
and I LMFAO at this, in my lit class.

Reply

luluk854ever | 0

#1742690 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:55

Ron is totlly nmuch better. I don een like harry

Reply

Sansa_fml | 38

#6362892 - Monday 27 July 2015 10:53

should've taken the night bus

By gqduck | 0

#21233 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:51

Aren't you allowed to change into your outfit when you get to the convention?

By zachhh | 0

#21235 - Sunday 8 March 2009 12:54

stupid muggle.......

By Shippicus | 0

#21240 - Sunday 8 March 2009 13:02

ok. stupid motherf***er change when you get there. also. google. taxis. use them

By Tehalon | 0

#21243 - Sunday 8 March 2009 13:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By My_Little_Pony | 0

#21245 - Sunday 8 March 2009 13:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

iHaveADream_ | 0

#2065808 - Thursday 10 February 2011 8:29

I do , i like all the characters

By ubbernoob | 0

#21267 - Sunday 8 March 2009 14:00

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

spaerro | 8

#3534910 - Thursday 3 November 2011 6:03

You sir, need to die.

Reply

ashleyyyroseee | 16

#6445007 - Monday 26 October 2015 12:56

This wingman in particular portrays a huge role in the storyline