Intimacy: Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a... - FML

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 324

You deserved it 9 920

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

CIA-level batshittery

By unlolable4321 - 28/04/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 279

You deserved it 5 640

By Llaurin - 24/01/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 665

You deserved it 10 755

By Karansuni - 14/10/2013 10:38 - Germany

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 024

You deserved it 3 370

By Dump Tump - 29/03/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 159

By sydysyd - 21/11/2010 23:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 433

You deserved it 53 867

By innocent72 - 19/11/2013 21:07 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 740

You deserved it 3 691

By disappoint - 08/12/2011 09:14 - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 015

You deserved it 3 762

By bob - 22/10/2011 04:55 - Canada

Today, I got into a pretty heated argument with my boss. On my way out the door I told him he would be lucky if I came back to work. Unfortunately, I left the interior light on in my truck and it drained the battery. I had to go back in and ask for a jump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 774

You deserved it 36 116

By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 20:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 292

You deserved it 3 025

By umyuck - 03/05/2015 16:55 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 424

You deserved it 2 507

By Mr. Headshot - 25/04/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 3 509

By catsonuincorns - 15/04/2018 06:00 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 225

Fault

By Bleh - 22/06/2021 05:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I accidentally let slip to my mom that I hardly remember the graduation party she threw me four years ago. She proceeded to verbally assault me for forgetting the special occasion. I had a brain complication two years ago which resulted in some memory loss. Apparently, it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 59

Earthquake

By Bolin - 17/05/2021 08:08

Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 98

By Louis - 15/11/2018 13:00 - South Africa

Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 2 877

By KaLa - 08/02/2009 16:30 - Canada

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 435

You deserved it 4 216

By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 300

You deserved it 6 655

By Dave - 07/04/2011 19:55 - United States

Today, the company I work for decided to "go green" and stopped using the air conditioner to cool down the office. It is currently 81 degrees at my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 902

You deserved it 4 864

I don't like to move it, move it

By Anonymous - 22/03/2020 09:30

Today, I realized just how sedentary both my work and home lives are after I went to the doctor with a rash on my butt and he diagnosed it as bedsores from near constant sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 1 139

By md - 25/11/2009 04:08 - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 513

You deserved it 28 299

By realitybites - 08/07/2013 17:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 891

You deserved it 7 291

By chefdujour - 15/03/2009 04:56 - United States

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 940

You deserved it 5 707

By sonotsuave - 04/03/2019 06:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 174

By Stigmamma - 13/05/2019 20:00

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 206

By mustanggt - 10/07/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 832

You deserved it 31 111

By Anonymous - 04/10/2009 01:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 164

You deserved it 5 361

By efff my life. - 31/05/2011 02:58 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 028

You deserved it 4 279

By wow - 09/08/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 3 169

Medicare for all, please

By thefirstcutisthedeepest - 30/09/2021 14:01

Today, I cut my leg deeply at the beginning of my work shift. I wrapped it up with packing tape and a thankfully sterile paper towel, and had to work 6 more hours before I could leave. I made 110 dollars at work, only to spend 120 on stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 146

By iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles - 12/08/2013 14:30 - United States - Mabank

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 802

You deserved it 4 394

By love-shot - 17/08/2013 08:24 - United States - Hays

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 973

You deserved it 7 821

By Nice Melons - 29/09/2013 21:12 - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 654

You deserved it 4 932

By Anonymous - 21/08/2017 00:30 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for our photocopier, it turns out that all faults are user errors, and it's now my job to 'idiot proof' the printer. The people I work for are all educated on a Master's / PhD level and are responsible for cancer patient treatment at a major hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 316

By elizabeth - 29/11/2012 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 1 829

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 925

Innocent

By ouch! - 22/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was playfully chasing my daughter along the waterline at the beach when the biggest, buffest, lifeguard I’d ever seen full-on NFL-style tackled me. Apparently I "looked like a creep" chasing a young girl. My ribs hurt like the devil and my daughter won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 145

Ah, young love…

By HotAsTits - 20/03/2011 20:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 891

You deserved it 10 439

Queef Richards

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 14:02

Today, I had two customers who had some questions about their phones. Walking over, my cooch graced us with an audible fart sound that I‘m sure everybody heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 18:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 038

You deserved it 5 447

By Kevin - 21/05/2019 16:02

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 199

You deserved it 387

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

ydi for actually continuing to read the whole page. sicko

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:13

well instead of waisting your energy on being "scarred for life" get out there and make your own crazy sex history, just make sure no one writes, tweet, facebook, et al about it! so in the future your kids won't be in your situation. oh and just be glad if you were not conceived that night, if yes then FYL!

Comments

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:03

that would suck!! I'm sorry.. just scar her for life;) haha

GuitarNukka520 5

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

someone knows how to get down.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:20

Well sorry you had to find out your dad was a pool cue. FYL

unidentified_sta 5

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:52

Go on now OP... No need to stop when it is just getting good...

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:09

ahh the 60's...that was where it was at

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:22

OP obviously wanted to know those things cause he or she could have simply stopped reading the page.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:15

I agree 31, not fml, YDI! retard close the damn book!

mamamiaaa_fml 12

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:20

9-hahaha. yeah. hmm. too bad there's no video of that.

AT_be 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:04

does your mom has a cell? can you please forward her details ;)?

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Thursday 11 October 2012 8:19

WHY would you keep reading?! How do you know if there was more than one story?! I could never get that far.. Once I knew it was about my mothers sexcapades, I'd slam that shit shut, not keep reading... Js

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

ewwww!

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:10

Since OP enjoyed reading the entire page without stopping, I say he take it up a notch. Bring the yearbook to your mom and ask her to regale you with tales, straight from the horse's mouth! Let us know how that goes.

sweetcheeksjvl 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 1:46

hmmm it sounds like she did porn....I think u and ur mom are gonna have a long talk.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

ydi for actually continuing to read the whole page. sicko

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:21

thts exactly what i was thinking..

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 1:23

ditto

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 3:30

haha That's What I Was Thinking About !

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Sunday 20 February 2011 17:07

um, stuff like that you just continue to read..

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:08

Now you know why all your friends like to hang out with you so much when she's home...lol

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 13:42

hahaha dirty

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:10

ask her to teach you some moves

ilikegummybears 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 4:27

lol yea

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:13

well instead of waisting your energy on being "scarred for life" get out there and make your own crazy sex history, just make sure no one writes, tweet, facebook, et al about it! so in the future your kids won't be in your situation. oh and just be glad if you were not conceived that night, if yes then FYL!

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:18

YDI for snooping, but still FYL! No one wants those images.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:23

You are literally son of a b****.

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Saturday 9 February 2013 0:29

>post is from Idaho >shedaho >mfw

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:23

So you were conceived on a pool table?

KCThaEclipse33 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:26

Damn...I Feel your Pain...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 82

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 44