Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a...

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

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Intimacy

Compassion

Goodbye Bill

Headache

By kerensa - 15/7/2012 05:51 - Australia - Mornington

Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML

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By whatever - 24/11/2012 07:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my long distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be expecting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

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By dynomyte - 11/2/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

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By OfficeSlave - 25/8/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

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By m - 22/8/2012 01:59 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 20:00

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

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By Myriam - 18/6/2012 16:05 - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

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By aireeahna - 20/5/2016 06:04 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

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By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

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By tracelee - 3/3/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

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By SapphireRaven - 7/9/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

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By lp525252 - 20/3/2013 10:59 - Australia - Miranda

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

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By DaisyMay - 4/4/2011 19:47 - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

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By ant_hater - 28/8/2011 18:18 - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

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By Konstantine - 5/10/2009 13:55 - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

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By Kerkie - 24/1/2018 19:30 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my 12-year-old stepchild told me he’s been deliberately wetting - and sometimes crapping - the bed because he’s too lazy to get up and knows it’s someone else’s problem to clean up after him. It’s been going on for years. FML

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By TheSickness - 28/5/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

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By lapines01 - 12/8/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML

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By cam96 - 15/10/2017 13:00

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

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By llozano715 - 13/9/2010 05:41 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

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By peeepeee. - 3/6/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

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By Mommy - 26/6/2011 20:47 - United States

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

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By Noname - 17/2/2009 08:30 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2015 14:19

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2010 07:25 - United States

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2013 19:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2013 16:06 - United States

Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML

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By RosesAreRed - 14/2/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

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By Matt - 3/6/2012 14:21 - Australia - Tyabb

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

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By Danielle - 6/6/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

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By thestudent - 18/2/2011 09:30 - Philippines

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2020 02:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Nokia 3310 FTW

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

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By Spooked - 6/3/2011 19:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2019 18:01

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

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By spitball101 - 12/1/2014 05:26 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2012 04:24 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

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By Random - 31/1/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is marrying my ex, and that my mother set them up. FML

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By Andrew - 23/8/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

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By reconnect - 27/12/2010 06:30 - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

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Top comments

By shakethat | 10

#1806794 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

ydi for actually continuing to read the whole page. sicko

By zattele | 3

#1806860 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:13

well instead of waisting your energy on being "scarred for life" get out there and make your own crazy sex history, just make sure no one writes, tweet, facebook, et al about it! so in the future your kids won't be in your situation.
oh and just be glad if you were not conceived that night, if yes then FYL!

Comments

By lefeverh3 | 0

#1806738 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:03

that would suck!! I'm sorry.. just scar her for life;) haha

GuitarNukka520 | 5

#1806752 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

someone knows how to get down.

brightnite | 0

#1806923 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:20

Well sorry you had to find out your dad was a pool cue. FYL

unidentified_sta | 5

#1807224 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:52

Go on now OP... No need to stop when it is just getting good...

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1807468 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:09

ahh the 60's...that was where it was at

untoward | 0

#1807499 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:22

OP obviously wanted to know those things cause he or she could have simply stopped reading the page.

folfg7 | 0

#1808236 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:15

I agree 31, not fml, YDI! retard close the damn book!

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1808526 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:20

9-hahaha. yeah. hmm. too bad there's no video of that.

AT_be | 0

#1808699 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:04

does your mom has a cell? can you please forward her details ;)?

528Alice491 | 3

#5029990 - Thursday 11 October 2012 8:19

WHY would you keep reading?! How do you know if there was more than one story?! I could never get that far.. Once I knew it was about my mothers sexcapades, I'd slam that shit shut, not keep reading... Js

By xxsmilee4xx | 0

#1806762 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

ewwww!

starile | 19

#1809490 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:10

Since OP enjoyed reading the entire page without stopping, I say he take it up a notch. Bring the yearbook to your mom and ask her to regale you with tales, straight from the horse's mouth! Let us know how that goes.