Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

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Intimacy

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Generosity

Near the knuckle

By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

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By Lizofsmeg - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

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By last night king

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

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By PiMan - United States

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

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By OfficeSlave - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 08:01

When pranks go wrong

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

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By Paicked - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

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By AshlynnPrime - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML

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By soljaboy - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

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By Confused - 23/9/2020 17:01 - Australia - Perth

Suspicious

Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

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By pencilskirt

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

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By Darkness162000 - France

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

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By littelace - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria's Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, "I wish I looked like that." He replied with, "Me too." FML

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By figgy - United States

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

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By WhyM3¿?¿

Today and so far not a good year. I'm still taking care of my mom who is sick from cancer and I seem to be the only one to help her (I'm the youngest btw). I pay the bills, clean, cook, work, bathe and feed my mother I'm exhausted I'm only 18... But it's not that my sis called me SELFISH Today...FML

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By Darin Greenwood

Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML

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By doomeddaddy - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

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By dre_bro11 - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

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By hdat - Canada

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

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By jriese444 - United States

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

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By anonymous - United States - La Pine

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

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By poop - United States

Today, I asked my ex-boyfriend how things were going since our breakup. We broke up because he admitted he was questioning his sexuality, and wanted to play for the other team. He took the conversation as an opportunity to talk about his new, amazing girlfriend. FML

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By Jennyfromdablock - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML

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By bregaja - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

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By anahira6 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss' son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

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By DCarreon - United States - Ceres

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

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By Rejected - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

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Top comments

By shakethat | 10

#1806794 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

ydi for actually continuing to read the whole page. sicko

By zattele | 3

#1806860 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:13

well instead of waisting your energy on being "scarred for life" get out there and make your own crazy sex history, just make sure no one writes, tweet, facebook, et al about it! so in the future your kids won't be in your situation.
oh and just be glad if you were not conceived that night, if yes then FYL!

COMMENTS

By lefeverh3 | 0

#1806738 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:03

that would suck!! I'm sorry.. just scar her for life;) haha

GuitarNukka520 | 5

#1806752 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

someone knows how to get down.

brightnite | 0

#1806923 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:20

Well sorry you had to find out your dad was a pool cue. FYL

unidentified_sta | 5

#1807224 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:52

Go on now OP... No need to stop when it is just getting good...

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1807468 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:09

ahh the 60's...that was where it was at

untoward | 0

#1807499 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:22

OP obviously wanted to know those things cause he or she could have simply stopped reading the page.

folfg7 | 0

#1808236 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:15

I agree 31, not fml, YDI! retard close the damn book!

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1808526 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:20

9-hahaha. yeah. hmm. too bad there's no video of that.

AT_be | 0

#1808699 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:04

does your mom has a cell? can you please forward her details ;)?

528Alice491 | 3

#5029990 - Thursday 11 October 2012 8:19

WHY would you keep reading?! How do you know if there was more than one story?! I could never get that far.. Once I knew it was about my mothers sexcapades, I'd slam that shit shut, not keep reading... Js

By xxsmilee4xx | 0

#1806762 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

ewwww!

starile | 19

#1809490 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:10

Since OP enjoyed reading the entire page without stopping, I say he take it up a notch. Bring the yearbook to your mom and ask her to regale you with tales, straight from the horse's mouth! Let us know how that goes.