Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so... - FML

By uglyone - 13/1/2010 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

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Thanks, I'm cured!

Trip Advisor says no

Mr Sensitivity

By klyoung5 - 3/1/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

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By kelly - 21/3/2011 07:07 - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

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By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - 10/2/2015 18:05 - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

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By TBaggins00 - 21/6/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2017 14:00

'Cause I'm a Criminal

Today, I woke up to find both of my bank accounts frozen. My bank informed me that the IRS had ordered a freeze on my assets because of back taxes owed, and would not unfreeze them until the money is paid. The amount? $2.47. FML

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By JellicleCat - 24/4/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

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By romancocks - 9/5/2014 20:31 - United States - Palatka

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

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By RyanTheMan15 - 31/10/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house watching a home makeover show with her and her mom. The show's host had a giant portrait of himself on his wall and then I said, "I hate it when people do that, it's so stupid." Her mom stared at me and pointed to the portrait of my girlfriend on the wall. FML

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By leem - 27/8/2014 21:21 - Belgium - Zoersel

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2011 15:11 - United States

Today, I had a bunch of friends over for a party. My mom came stumbling into my room, crying about how she was officially menopausal, and that I was going to "die an only child." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 13:03 - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

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By zaneey - 17/1/2009 18:41 - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

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By Janice - 7/11/2011 05:12 - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

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By AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - 24/9/2014 17:17 - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

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By [...] - 12/12/2013 14:28 - France - Vaulx-en-velin

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

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By lefthandspanker - 27/8/2015 16:34 - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

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By Nice - 1/5/2012 13:58 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 18:19 - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 20:06

You're so vain, you probably think this FML is about you

Today, my daughter is so selfish, she did her makeup in her hospital room so she could take a selfie with her newborn son in the background BEFORE she had even held him for the first time. Yes, BEFORE. My grandson spent his first hour of life waiting for his mom to be ready for a photo op. FML

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By mizzy - 19/11/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

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By StantheMan93 - 2/2/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

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By Katsura - 19/7/2016 00:43 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

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By FMLdude - 18/8/2013 23:23 - Australia - Bexley

Scammed

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2011 06:04 - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

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By Fat_abott - 5/1/2012 20:40 - France

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

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By noway6000 - 3/3/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

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By purple - 29/1/2010 11:22 - France

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

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By ginkobiloba - 29/11/2016 11:01

Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML

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By anonymous - 7/2/2012 09:27 - United States

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

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By Cop-er-Pot - 16/10/2017 16:00

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

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By ouch - 20/12/2011 12:46 - Australia

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

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By Awks - 30/11/2012 06:30 - Australia - Bendigo

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

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By lifestinks - 5/4/2009 04:17 - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

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By belladonna - 26/2/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2019 12:41

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2015 05:13 - United States - Corona

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

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Top comments

By noclevername | 0

#772392 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:47

Don't let the opinion of old drunk guy with no-one to talk to (or he could have said it to them and not you) get you down. And depending on his age, he was raised when it was a woman's duty to look pretty for men. Either way, hope it didn't bother you too much.

By kerrygirl | 13

#772349 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:18

ah.......she's a girl......she was going out with a friend thats also a girl........as in not girlfriend.........

COMMENTS

By WallyTheWombat | 0

#772343 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

kerrygirl | 13

#772349 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:18

ah.......she's a girl......she was going out with a friend thats also a girl........as in not girlfriend.........

Reply

qazaq | 1

#4072910 - Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:49

It says she's female stupid

By JackDark | 0

#772356 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:26

And she got called ugly?
If she's supermodel-gorgeous, it could just be comparison. Noone compares to supermodel-gorgeous, but I'm sure you're still pretty m'love.

By willzy | 1

#772358 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:27

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By WallyTheWombat | 0

#772360 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

shadowkiss13 | 0

#772767 - Thursday 14 January 2010 0:28

i dnt think soooo i like hanging out with my hot friends so we can get picked up by guys (;

Reply

Htimsdrof | 0

#773233 - Thursday 14 January 2010 4:49

is that cos u cant get any1 by ur own merits?

Reply

ColdRoxas | 18

#6481415 - Thursday 10 December 2015 2:02

Don't you mean she gets picked up #41 and you just tag along ?

By meisangry2 | 0

#772368 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:33

HA yr UGLY :L

By CallMeHush | 0

#772369 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:34

Alcohol is truth serum.

Reply

ccangel1001 | 0

#772491 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 21:43

i nd2 @ #8

By yupishi | 2

#772387 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:45

to be fair, you live in essex.

Reply

tudor_fml | 0

#981098 - Sunday 18 April 2010 0:30

fair shout

By noclevername | 0

#772392 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:47

Don't let the opinion of old drunk guy with no-one to talk to (or he could have said it to them and not you) get you down. And depending on his age, he was raised when it was a woman's duty to look pretty for men. Either way, hope it didn't bother you too much.

By cookies_for_you | 0

#772409 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:56

he didn't call you ugly, did he? just said that there was one ugly one.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder, anyway. this isn't an FML.

Reply

V_S234 | 0

#772813 - Thursday 14 January 2010 0:59

Yes it is. It's on the site.

Reply

lexi050 | 0

#2600797 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:31

That picture of pancakes looks really good if u take of the bananas.

By Crysta_fml | 3

#772426 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 21:03

He wasn't neccecerily tlaking about you.
how LOW is your self esteem to assume that?!!?!?!!

YDI for thinking about yourself as ugly and not even wondering who he was talking about.

attrectiveness is relative.