Miscellaneous: Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally...

By nightwalker2253 - United States - Orange

Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29299

You deserved it

2400

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Vulture

Rock, hard place

Delayed proposal

By mvp - United States

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43824

You deserved it

3463

Favorite

By 12yearsoldapparently - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25260

You deserved it

6040

Favorite

By well okay then - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53197

You deserved it

4654

Favorite

By ozzy - United States - Campbell

Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9808

You deserved it

1123

Favorite

By Anonymous

Whack-a-Mole

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1426

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By natural selection i guess

Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12372

You deserved it

954

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34800

You deserved it

6063

Favorite

By uglyshoegirl - Canada - Brampton

Today, I sent a picture to my best friend of the shoes I want to wear to prom. She replied, "Wow those are so unique". I guess she forgot that last week she told me she only uses the word unique when she hates something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29787

You deserved it

3128

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34331

You deserved it

6518

Favorite

By killjoyx - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23736

You deserved it

3167

Favorite

By sadgf - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54625

You deserved it

6097

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41126

You deserved it

7774

Favorite

By Squeak - United States - Bremerton

It means us! Look at us!

Today, at work I put myself squarely in the lame / old people category when I foolishly asked out loud what FML meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4654

You deserved it

1571

Favorite

By gross - United States - Muskegon

Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34600

You deserved it

2398

Favorite

By boblaj - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22772

You deserved it

4008

Favorite

By come on man - United States - Sunnyvale

It's the thought that counts

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35275

You deserved it

7387

Favorite

By AkaiKitsune - Canada - Victoria

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4862

You deserved it

231

Favorite

By downer - United States

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40180

You deserved it

58568

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54328

You deserved it

6129

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36050

You deserved it

4902

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4704

You deserved it

223

Favorite

By Snow White

Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3963

You deserved it

400

Favorite

By Getmeoutofhere - Australia

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4261

You deserved it

1044

Favorite

By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01

Oh, hi grandma!

Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1100

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60503

You deserved it

6051

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46324

You deserved it

4407

Favorite

By Eet- - United Kingdom

Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36102

You deserved it

4227

Favorite

By ZPyRoGoDz - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39320

You deserved it

2550

Favorite

By PositiveElectron - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22575

You deserved it

1500

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - York

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46708

You deserved it

3984

Favorite

By eemp - France

Today, I got sent to detention for saying, "That's what she said" after a girl in my class said, "Push a little harder" while dissecting a frog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33629

You deserved it

28156

Favorite

By Lulu - United States - Imperial

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41154

You deserved it

2367

Favorite

By Em - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

I agree, your life sucks

60432

You deserved it

20798

Favorite

By Sunshine56 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I sold cigarettes to a woman who promptly told me that she smoked meth. It's only my second night working this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9423

You deserved it

764

Favorite

By sickness and health my sphincter - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my 2-year-old daughter and my 27-year-old husband both woke me up in the early hours of the morning. Their complaints were the same: they'd both wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39271

You deserved it

3026

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Omaha

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52065

You deserved it

7049

Favorite

By kam3221 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23833

You deserved it

54165

Favorite

By Nadaz - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25247

You deserved it

13513

Favorite

By hatemyjob - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37453

You deserved it

6656

Favorite

By ThatGuy24

Booming economy!

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

You deserved it

370

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By writerchic85 | 25

#6462883 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:50

Buy them all pacifiers at the next pit stop

By Steve95401 | 49

#6462888 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:52

These 26 year olds sound more like Middle Schoolers.

COMMENTS

By ruckfules85 | 34

#6462874 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:45

Why'd she come if she's scared of water?

yeahsciencebitch | 7

#6463031 - Monday 16 November 2015 20:29

To be fair, no one said she's afraid of the water. There could be lots of reasons.

helptheorphans | 17

#6463092 - Monday 16 November 2015 22:03

Probably just a spoiled brat... (I know they are 26 but some people never change)

MrConfusion | 21

#6463424 - Tuesday 17 November 2015 6:14

Just to rain on their parade

nobody3597 | 6

#6466136 - Friday 20 November 2015 20:30

To most likely show off her bikini.

Naatya__fml | 25

#6620384 - Friday 3 June 2016 12:51

She is not scared of water, he just ruined her makeup, that's all ^^

By Fyrepower | 23

#6462875 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:45

oh, well that went swimmingly...

UnluckyLatina | 22

#6463466 - Tuesday 17 November 2015 8:09

Just keep swimming OP

By WolfsScar | 15

#6462878 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:48

Should've splashed her again.. nobody would've known she was crying.

By w0nderwh4t | 14

#6462879 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:49

Immaturity ftw

By oiler | 21

#6462880 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:49

Atleast you didnt push her in?

JustinJK | 21

#6462912 - Monday 16 November 2015 18:16

I would have after that

JazzHandsFML | 28

#6462935 - Monday 16 November 2015 18:42

she was floating IN the water

Mossyoak_kw | 28

#6462989 - Monday 16 November 2015 19:54

@24 No, she was floating ON the water.

By pd2902 | 22

#6462881 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:49

Hopefully the trip wasn't much longer, but that sounds quite childish of them :/

By writerchic85 | 25

#6462883 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:50

Buy them all pacifiers at the next pit stop

By Waxwell | 21

#6462884 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:51

She wasn't used to water, you're from California after all

killigan | 12

#6463195 - Monday 16 November 2015 23:49

What a savage

King_of_Cha0s | 12

#6463673 - Tuesday 17 November 2015 17:18

Ouch, that one stings

xTommytheGUNx | 15

#6464711 - Thursday 19 November 2015 1:59

ill get the burn ointment

By dramaelf | 37

#6462886 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:51

Why? Is she the Wicked Witch of the West?

By bella_nana347 | 23

#6462887 - Monday 16 November 2015 17:52

Plot twist: She's the Wicked Witch and was scared she'd start melting