Today, I was finishing a bowl of ramen while watching a video.... - FML

By Ew-dles

Today, I was finishing a bowl of ramen while watching a video. As I scooped up the last bits, I realized the clump of seasoning I had been saving for last was actually a dead fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3347

You deserved it

598

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Caught red-handed

Zoom this, bitches!

By FirstWeekFail

Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying "that woman needs to get laid" I heard hysterical laughing behind me. I turned. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1216

You deserved it

2926

Tweet

Share

By Master Debater - Australia

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26954

You deserved it

39948

Tweet

Share

By SlothyMolly - United States

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34684

You deserved it

4137

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41180

You deserved it

3557

Tweet

Share

By unlucky - Canada

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28603

You deserved it

3342

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 05:00

Moving

Today, I realized timing really is everything. I met the man of my dreams less than a month before I’m relocating for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1294

You deserved it

98

Tweet

Share

By SkeetinKeaton - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71083

You deserved it

6528

Tweet

Share

By CarrieBerrie - 14/8/2020 17:01

Fire in the hole!

Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1228

You deserved it

477

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/3/2020 01:13

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1679

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By Normal - United States

Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31913

You deserved it

3824

Tweet

Share

By katieemw95

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1284

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By suckstobeme - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks

163514

You deserved it

10649

Tweet

Share

By crushed - United States - Raleigh

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44185

You deserved it

3539

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26396

You deserved it

3466

Tweet

Share

By A. - United States

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42186

You deserved it

3576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44801

You deserved it

2525

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27102

You deserved it

5556

Tweet

Share

By Anon. - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72625

You deserved it

14511

Tweet

Share

By Allen - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46674

You deserved it

3175

Tweet

Share

By Danielle - United States

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37062

You deserved it

4314

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7098

You deserved it

51877

Tweet

Share

By mylifesucks

Today, I laid in bed all night texting my drunk boyfriend and drunk best friend. They were at two different parties, neither of which I was invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34102

You deserved it

5696

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28087

You deserved it

2449

Tweet

Share

By mild banana - United States - Cedar Hill

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11853

You deserved it

1074

Tweet

Share

By Loveless - United States

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

246951

You deserved it

15334

Tweet

Share

By DeeElleGee - Canada

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35155

You deserved it

6075

Tweet

Share

By animallover - United States

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34474

You deserved it

5276

Tweet

Share

By Thithien1 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53718

You deserved it

12604

Tweet

Share

By Butqhy

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13367

You deserved it

1820

Tweet

Share

By CollegeStudent

Today, after being excited and trying to make plans with all my friends, they all turned out to be busy. After watching Netflix most of the night, I check my Snapchat stories only to see them all hanging out without me at one of their houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11231

You deserved it

781

Tweet

Share

By kirsty - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35329

You deserved it

9342

Tweet

Share

By indianaxx - France

Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a wash-cloth over his crotch and said "look! this place has cotton loin clothes" in front of my wedding party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31827

You deserved it

2431

Tweet

Share

By Animeislyfe - United States - Stockbridge

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20097

You deserved it

7567

Tweet

Share

By oops - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53405

You deserved it

10796

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18243

You deserved it

44776

Tweet

Share

By idiot says pussy - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49238

You deserved it

7857

Tweet

Share

By fucked - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21983

You deserved it

40352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 20:01

Twinned

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1194

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By Neckbruise101 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11527

You deserved it

847

Tweet

Share

By Crystal - United Kingdom

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13864

You deserved it

51787

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Papercrane | 5

#7539395 - Saturday 9 September 2017 20:17

That username is epic!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7539422 - Saturday 9 September 2017 22:31

Ramen gives you wings.

COMMENTS

By Papercrane | 5

#7539395 - Saturday 9 September 2017 20:17

That username is epic!

By exileonmainst | 16

#7539399 - Saturday 9 September 2017 20:28

It could be both! :D

By TheUnbreakable55 | 16

#7539414 - Saturday 9 September 2017 21:39

At least you realized before you put it in your mouth!

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7539418 - Saturday 9 September 2017 22:05

How did you not notice? I've never had the seasoning stay clumped up.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7539422 - Saturday 9 September 2017 22:31

Ramen gives you wings.

By jediloader | 12

#7539429 - Saturday 9 September 2017 22:44

You sure it wasn't chicken fly rice?

By [email protected] | 28

#7539451 - Saturday 9 September 2017 23:43

"Crispy flies noodles" by Oishii Tako ?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7539456 - Sunday 10 September 2017 0:03

Probably the most nutritious part of whole ramen thing!

By jfsiv | 17

#7539477 - Sunday 10 September 2017 2:11

That's one way to get protein in your ramin.

By owlishes | 24

#7551624 - Thursday 12 October 2017 0:54

At least you saved it til last!