Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into...

By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

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Intimacy

The best cat

Hello everyone!

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 10:14 - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I've been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 20:00

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

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By lovely - 26/2/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

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By Peter - 25/11/2010 10:25

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

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By queenofthegypsys - 1/3/2020 23:00

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

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By Screwed - 7/8/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By Amanda - 13/12/2010 16:29 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

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By - 9/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

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By sockmonkey - 1/5/2012 02:21 - United States - Corona

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

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By DanniRae - 13/3/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

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By sunflowercake - 23/8/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

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By ohemgee - 11/3/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

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By KnowWhereYourTowelIs - 14/8/2013 07:13 - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I won a year's supply of bath bombs in a competition. I live in a tiny flat by myself with only a shower. I also have to find somewhere to put the bath bombs. FML

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By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

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By grossed the f out - 13/12/2010 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

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By djangle - 2/11/2010 23:34 - United States

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2020 08:00

Money Money Money

Today, as I was coming out of McDonald's, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn't until I got home later that I realized I'd accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2013 01:03 - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

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By tired of my job - 29/10/2015 08:33 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

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By Karen - 31/8/2009 14:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

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By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

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By Juiced - 26/9/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

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By footbloodfountain - 15/1/2012 10:53 - Canada

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 10:52 - United States

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

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By girlie - 4/3/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

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By screw life - 1/10/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

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By nothotforteacher - 7/1/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

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By bedrockmike - 28/1/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

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By sicky - 27/1/2016 05:02 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

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By why me? - 6/9/2014 04:25 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2017 14:06

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

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By icarlypoop - 11/4/2020 23:00

Good impressions last

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

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By Alex - 26/3/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

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By Rawf - 18/7/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

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By Ava777 - 20/2/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 14:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

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By suspended - 31/7/2016 15:39 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2015 06:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

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Top comments

By wtfCorby | 0

#154285 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:03

a zit on her tit? that's pretty gross... that sucks dude

By scorpioserpent | 1

#154281 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:01

oh gross! fyl

Comments

By scorpioserpent | 1

#154281 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:01

oh gross! fyl

Dinner | 0

#501382 - Thursday 20 August 2009 10:25

ew...

Hide_Yo_Kids | 0

#2435865 - Saturday 30 April 2011 23:29

that's hot you should've sucked on it till it
popped then liked the juices

Football_Man50 | 1

#2628559 - Monday 6 June 2011 7:25

yeah. they should have a "thats freakin nasy" button

andiecormier | 0

#3101984 - Saturday 13 August 2011 21:42

Ewww your girlfriend has pimples on her boobs??! That's just unusual and gross

By ammali | 0

#154283 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:03

Well, that sucks for both of you really. Though I have to point out that the last sentence was a little unnecessary. We got it, seriously.

Ah, teenagers. :) Don't worry... once you get a bit more, erm, experience, you'll be able to tell the difference between the two.

Saddrew | 0

#837252 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 6:57

It would have been funny if the zit popped when you where messing with it

KingDingALing | 9

#1048159 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 6:39

hahahaha then he wouldve said "oh my god! your nipple popped!"

By wtfCorby | 0

#154285 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:03

a zit on her tit? that's pretty gross... that sucks dude

By Victoria2103 | 0

#154287 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:04

That's pretty sick. Must have been a huge pimple.
And way to not pay attention, man.

By im4evaonyomind | 0

#154288 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:04

that'll kill the mood. EPIC FAIL!!!!!

bridgette5866 | 0

#879439 - Sunday 21 February 2010 19:06

INTERRACIAL PICTURE! Hahahah just had to be obnoxious and point that out. Funny, really. Love it.

LOLYUMAD | 0

#1080398 - Monday 12 July 2010 3:30

HAH THEY MAD

By ladedum | 0

#154290 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:04

ughhhh, oh god.
i just gagged a little bit.

By GlassJAwkidE | 3

#154293 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:05

I think I just threw up.... FYL for sure

By poolshark | 0

#154295 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:05

At least it didn't pop...

By redhusk89 | 0

#154296 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:05

Dude you fail. You should be able to tell the difference. If it aint growing hard you either really suck or that aint a nip. xD

By were_giraffe | 2

#154302 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:07

that and... all i can think of is ...

either that was one GIANT pimple or...

if you can't tell the difference between a nipple and a pimple, you're either too young to be touching her there, or she's too young. (or both of you are)