Intimacy: Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into...

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 105

You deserved it 43 712

Intimacy

Commando

Batman

Tinder surprise

Graded

By HDcashier - 24/04/2020 17:00

Today, while cashiering, I rang out a father and his son who looked about eight years-old. The dad jokingly told his son that I was a 10/10 in looks. The son then looked at me for a few seconds and said, "No, probably more like a seven." Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 176

Sticky situation

By CodyS - 03/09/2013 05:03 - United States - Rocky River

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 166

You deserved it 11 243

By Catholicguy - 20/12/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 156

You deserved it 4 519

By Anonymous - 30/12/2018 06:00 - Australia - Carlton

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 377

By StephiLynn - 09/05/2016 04:33 - United States - Hibbing

Today, my coworker told me when we got to work that she purposely left her phone at home. I then had to suffer 8 hours of listening to her constantly whine like a toddler about how much she missed her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 001

You deserved it 1 173

By Anonymous - 21/07/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 776

You deserved it 2 009

By kklaucen14 - 06/08/2012 01:15 - United States - Connersville

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 931

You deserved it 3 247

By fartypants - 18/06/2015 22:53 - United States - Winter Park

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 032

You deserved it 4 394

By no - 07/06/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 339

You deserved it 14 658

By Unloveable - 13/06/2016 16:32 - United States - Priest River

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me over video chat. Two days before I was to move across the country to be with him. All of my things are already shipped. He said he thinks of me as a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 333

You deserved it 1 075

By Anonymous - 31/03/2014 11:49 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 3 683

By textraped - 16/03/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 155

You deserved it 40 531

By Megara - 15/03/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 138

You deserved it 13 137

By hungry - 15/08/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 938

You deserved it 2 183

By Howhardisittoclosethefuckingdooryouidiot - 05/01/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 640

You deserved it 442

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 921

You deserved it 103 611

By ccgundum - 01/02/2014 07:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 223

You deserved it 3 985

By Nomoretexting - 01/11/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 321

You deserved it 2 581

By "fraz206" - 18/03/2019 16:00

Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. 20 minutes till I was able to clock out some kid pukes all over herself in the playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 153

By constantine - 29/08/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 544

You deserved it 36 046

By Anonymous - 30/06/2017 02:00

Today, I caught my 29-year-old brother-in-law scratching his poison ivy with a handful of forks before putting them back in the drawer. I called him on it and he huffed, "You've never said anything before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 800

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 18:16 - France

Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 745

You deserved it 15 713

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 006

You deserved it 38 701

By SebastianCT - 19/08/2015 17:44 - United States - Tampa

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 056

You deserved it 2 081

By Anonymous - 19/04/2015 14:04 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 791

You deserved it 3 573

By KHAAAAA-RMA!! - 10/05/2014 21:32 - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 787

You deserved it 6 177

By Ishowet - 31/05/2017 12:00 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 902

You deserved it 448

By sickandtiredofit - 24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 187

You deserved it 3 090

By Baikal - 12/05/2013 04:09 - Singapore

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 917

You deserved it 3 605

By notpayedenoughforthisshit - 21/07/2014 21:15 - United States - Boone

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 656

You deserved it 3 422

Brotherly love

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 11:00

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex with the girl from next door, whom I’ve been in love with for years, but alas she isn’t a lesbian. She’s entitled to date whoever she likes, but my brother knows how I feel about her and seduced her anyway in our shared flat, which was a real douche move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 369

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 789

You deserved it 6 175

By Aries_gurl - 23/10/2018 08:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 773

You deserved it 470

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 21:59 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 915

You deserved it 3 795

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 957

You deserved it 5 977

By krisx3ftw - 11/01/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 247

You deserved it 5 725

By lola1313 - 18/09/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 527

You deserved it 41 030

By Female - 12/02/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I went to a conference for work. When I got there I sat beside a woman about my age. She immediately got up and moved to the opposite side of the room. We were the only two there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 600

You deserved it 6 158

By wellthatsawkward - 30/12/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 430

You deserved it 4 330

Not funny anymore

By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s that had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 1 761

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Top comments

wtfCorby 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:03

a zit on her tit? that's pretty gross... that sucks dude

scorpioserpent 1

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:01

oh gross! fyl

scorpioserpent 1

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:01

oh gross! fyl

Dinner 0

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Thursday 20 August 2009 10:25

ew...

Hide_Yo_Kids 0

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:29

that's hot you should've sucked on it till it popped then liked the juices

Football_Man50 1

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Monday 6 June 2011 7:25

yeah. they should have a "thats freakin nasy" button

andiecormier 0

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Saturday 13 August 2011 21:42

Ewww your girlfriend has pimples on her boobs??! That's just unusual and gross

ammali 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:03

Well, that sucks for both of you really. Though I have to point out that the last sentence was a little unnecessary. We got it, seriously. Ah, teenagers. :) Don't worry... once you get a bit more, erm, experience, you'll be able to tell the difference between the two.

Saddrew 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 6:57

It would have been funny if the zit popped when you where messing with it

KingDingALing 9

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Tuesday 29 June 2010 6:39

hahahaha then he wouldve said "oh my god! your nipple popped!"

wtfCorby 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:03

a zit on her tit? that's pretty gross... that sucks dude

Victoria2103 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:04

That's pretty sick. Must have been a huge pimple. And way to not pay attention, man.

im4evaonyomind 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:04

that'll kill the mood. EPIC FAIL!!!!!

bridgette5866 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 19:06

INTERRACIAL PICTURE! Hahahah just had to be obnoxious and point that out. Funny, really. Love it.

LOLYUMAD 0

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Monday 12 July 2010 3:30

HAH THEY MAD

ladedum 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:04

ughhhh, oh god. i just gagged a little bit.

GlassJAwkidE 3

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:05

I think I just threw up.... FYL for sure

poolshark 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:05

At least it didn't pop...

redhusk89 0

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:05

Dude you fail. You should be able to tell the difference. If it aint growing hard you either really suck or that aint a nip. xD

were_giraffe 2

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 20:07

that and... all i can think of is ... either that was one GIANT pimple or... if you can't tell the difference between a nipple and a pimple, you're either too young to be touching her there, or she's too young. (or both of you are)