Health: Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's... - FML

By minnie - 28/08/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 668

You deserved it 6 881

Good kid

Compromises

Not a fan

By vicgal - 14/08/2009 18:33 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 904

You deserved it 10 647

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 271

You deserved it 4 016

By xsnqw - 19/01/2016 22:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 537

You deserved it 6 921

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 2 911

By bethanygirl - 29/10/2011 19:46 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my birthday party because of snow. It's October. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 638

You deserved it 5 035

By NotBeingPaidEnough - 03/03/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 323

You deserved it 1 306

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 1 277

By Slipperywhenwet - 28/02/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 575

You deserved it 48 047

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 240

You deserved it 1 776

By anonymous - 12/08/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 161

You deserved it 5 985

By heartbroken - 04/12/2013 18:39 - United States - Huntington

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 655

You deserved it 6 106

By boob sisters - 02/07/2014 17:01 - United States - Lilburn

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 707

You deserved it 29 213

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 493

You deserved it 17 464

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 897

You deserved it 3 330

Strange flex, but OK

By Jpah - 24/06/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 824

You deserved it 3 895

By Username - 09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 782

You deserved it 3 382

By Stalkerella - 08/05/2018 05:51

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 589

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 12:17 - United States

Today, I moved back in with my parents in order to help them with the mortgage, so they don't lose the house that has been in our family for three generations. I also found out that I now have a curfew, and so does my husband and our 3 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 486

You deserved it 5 078

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 23:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 802

You deserved it 2 295

By not a dick-man - 12/08/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Spicy

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 589

You deserved it 31 365

Blind love

By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 13:47 - United Kingdom

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 33 584

By Anonymous - 14/09/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, during a major fight with my boyfriend, I threw a necklace he had given me out the window, thinking it was just a cheap trinket. He then told me, for the first time, that that necklace had belonged to his now deceased grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 946

You deserved it 91 808

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 799

You deserved it 4 944

By rolled - 27/01/2018 01:30

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 187

You deserved it 479

By toyotasmash - 07/10/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 3 530

By pencilring - 04/09/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 645

You deserved it 14 279

By stutson - 04/06/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, on my airplane ride home, the woman next to me wasn't feeling too well. She pulled out the air sickness bag to throw up into and missed. Her vomit splattered all over the seat in front of her and all over me. We were both covered in puke. And that was only my first of two flights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 2 236

By radioactiveglowinthedarkthing - 10/10/2011 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 104

You deserved it 3 568

Move!

By patrickRafael - 29/12/2009 14:21 - Singapore

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 2 998

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 807

You deserved it 4 528

By Loho - 25/03/2009 02:46 - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 879

You deserved it 104 820

Make up your mind

By choke on a dick, sir - 01/11/2013 22:47 - United States - Portland

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 647

You deserved it 7 656

By pantless - 21/03/2016 18:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 412

You deserved it 1 245

By idontunderstand - 07/05/2018 19:00

Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 662

You deserved it 304

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 10 037

By ItWasHotAsBalls - 22/12/2016 00:56

Today, my mom was out of the house, so I decided to make her a gift. I went into the garage for supplies and somehow ended up locking myself in for the next 2 hours. Not only that, but I cut my hand with the rusty paperclip I used to try to pick the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 489

You deserved it 1 614

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 208

You deserved it 5 130

By bertthelamb - 17/02/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 981

You deserved it 8 457

By Me - 20/12/2010 06:22

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 882

You deserved it 5 711

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Top comments

brill 3

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:19

holy crap. that's freaking embarrassing.

djb23 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:20

so girls DO fart!

Comments

brill 3

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:19

holy crap. that's freaking embarrassing.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:50

YDI for farting

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Saturday 29 August 2009 4:35

I don't think the commenter farted.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 5:37

aww! i always think about that when i use the restroom too that really sucks though..you should've just been like "wow this girl in there is stinkin up the place!" or something like that

jellyfish_ftw 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 6:35

i would have walked out, winked at them, and then walked away. guys can fart in public, why can't girls? bathroom creepers.

Imawhalerider 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 6:59

farting while having anal sounds really interesting

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Saturday 29 August 2009 9:03

I laugh at my own jokes!

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Saturday 29 August 2009 11:50

LOL. That would've worked too!damn sorry OP.Once I went to the boys restroom on accident thankfully no one was in there but when I walked out people saw!

imaginationrox 0

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Monday 31 August 2009 5:14

Ouch! FYL. I had that happen to a friend of mine (kind of, only she was puking) and when she came out I tried to cover for her by asking her if the girl in the washroom was okay. I'm surprised that some of the ppl bought it because she looked like crap! Good job for making a memory! Thumbs up!! ;) :)

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Monday 31 August 2009 7:09

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!..... ewww

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 4:01

Lol similar situation for me but I pretended I did it on purpose when my friends saw me walk out and said "dude go look inside Cindy is getting dressed in the third stall" and since they knew Cindy was kinda slutty and really hot the three guys I knew (no names =P) went in to look and a teacher caught them and gave them CSI. They snitched me out saying I was in earlier I denied it but still got a detention which ended up becoming a CSI. FML??? lol

brookiebaby1212 0

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Saturday 31 July 2010 21:20

everyone farts u stupid fucking little girl

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 6:16

looks like we got a classic case of a "major tool" don't we mr. venuman.

JustOhSoLovely 6

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Sunday 8 May 2011 20:06

this post made my day lmao I woulda been like new record!!!

Fuzzybunny111993 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:20

aw poor baby!

BabyImTwisted 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 4:23

daaannngggggggg

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Monday 25 April 2011 6:15

wow

djb23 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:20

so girls DO fart!

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:34

Giggity

the_stereotype 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 5:00

this is like the one where the girl farted and the two other girls in the bathroom waited for her to come out

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Sunday 29 January 2012 6:29

Yah common misconception girls fart but don't poop

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:20

lol idk why people find it interesting.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:21

omg, thats soo embarrassing. but these boys must be immature or something to do that, they know they will be embarrassing the girl who comes out. but anyways , it still made me laugh. XD

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Saturday 29 August 2009 5:29

maybe they were hoping it was a dude in the wrong room...kinda like American Pie

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Sunday 30 August 2009 6:38

hahaha, dammit, i was gonna mention that. sounds like this chick got it straight from american pie

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:21

haha soo embarrassing!

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:23

It's not everyday that men get to hear girls fart, so that's why they were curious lol. But seriously, they should grow up and find something better to do =P

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:24

Hahah that is great! I would have laughed for hours Farting is perfectly normal, I bet that you felt much better afterwards and besides that's what bathrooms are for, although I'm sure the echo's didn't help

xiar 0

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Tuesday 29 March 2011 20:02

lmfao

lastminuteperm 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:24

Everybody farts. If you don't, something is wrong with you. True, that is embarassing but they'll forget...eventually.

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Sunday 30 November 2014 16:38

No, no they won't lol

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:25

lol i woulda done the same wtf did u eat?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 89

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 287