Intimacy: Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the...

By HansonLUVR - 12/03/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 232

You deserved it 79 182

Intimacy

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Same thing different taste

By oneloveliz - 17/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 1 560

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 667

You deserved it 6 757

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 511

By killmyself - 23/01/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 351

You deserved it 47 155

By LovelySB - 21/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 705

About last night…

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 20:08

Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 961

Classic lineup

By Phoellie - 28/08/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 261

You deserved it 5 216

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 141

You deserved it 91 451

By Jonnygiant - 14/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 262

You deserved it 70 086

By Dirty_Mind_69 - 20/07/2013 08:35 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 198

You deserved it 9 920

Tenantry 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:36

I never new that many people eat food naked till I started reading FML.

waywardson 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:57

Who watches **** on a bar stool?

Comments

horyo 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:09

At least you weren't "fully naked."

bobnorris 0

Tuesday 22 June 2010 17:25

did **** make your butthole hurt? If so, relocate to an area far away from your roommate. He might be gay.

adins1997 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 14:38

hahahahahaha that's hilarious!!

Rookemace 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:13

Haha, at least your roommate had the decency to cover you up.

beckorw 0

Friday 29 October 2010 12:22

his room mate didn't cover him... the lettuce from his sandwich did?

Cryptix 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:14

5 words, Laughing My ******* Ass Off but that sucks

WSUlife19 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:23

WTF hahhaha

Tenantry 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:36

I never new that many people eat food naked till I started reading FML.

oohay 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

AnnStarfire 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:54

... If you know there's a possiblity your roomate's coming home soon, why are you watching **** naked? dumbass.

waywardson 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:57

Who watches **** on a bar stool?

deadkenn8 0

Saturday 17 April 2010 18:50

hahahaha that made me laugh more than the fml.

joeyl2008 29

Thursday 17 March 2016 14:02

It's the best if you turn the stool upside down

Tehalon 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:20

Who watches **** while eating lunch?!

Jancho 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:36

I agree with #5 This story is just stolen from a movie. I have heard it years ago! This is just FAKE! Go get a life, don't you have anything better to do, than making yourself look like an idiot?