Love: Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is... - FML

By not-so-young-shortie - 18/02/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 804

You deserved it 5 070

The smell detective is on the case

Masterchef 2020

You BARBARIAN!

By unlicensed - 01/08/2012 16:20 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I drove 45 minutes to take my full driver's test. At the end of the test, the instructor told me I'd done everything perfectly, but had failed before I left the parking lot. I didn't see the "one way" sign at the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 122

You deserved it 9 398

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 03:30

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 225

By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:51 - United States - Seattle

Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 097

You deserved it 2 439

By jquaw - 28/09/2014 17:12 - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 6 154

By dinosaur - 10/01/2011 10:35 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 147

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 21:50 - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 675

You deserved it 18 766

By lindsey789 - 07/10/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 695

You deserved it 3 021

By Anonymous - 24/03/2013 10:30 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 14 640

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 17:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 089

You deserved it 3 982

By mypelvishurts - 23/02/2013 07:32 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 098

You deserved it 6 610

By woahlaura - 14/02/2016 16:26 - United States - Houston

Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 678

You deserved it 3 363

By Noname - 26/02/2009 15:30 - United States

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 930

You deserved it 475 094

Pampered

By really karen?! - 29/09/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I had to place a call home because a student was late every single day. The mom rudely replied, “Yeah well she doesn’t really like getting up in the mornings. Can’t you just wait and start class like 30 minutes later?” Now I have to have a conference with this spoiled brat and her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 73

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 338

You deserved it 3 621

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 203

You deserved it 31 616

By Anonymous - 03/07/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 508

You deserved it 220

By sunil - 13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 549

You deserved it 9 897

By mandapanda - 02/02/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work in the aftermath of a terrible blizzard that came through my area last night, a lady slid through an intersection and hit my car, totaling it. I called my boss and told her what happened, only to have her tell me that we were closed due bad roads. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 054

You deserved it 4 844

By Username - 08/01/2011 07:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 842

You deserved it 44 264

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 08:51 - Australia - Donvale

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 573

You deserved it 5 723

By anonymous - 06/11/2010 22:37 - Canada

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 196

You deserved it 26 774

Priorities

By Earths_Venus - 19/11/2009 22:31 - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it - and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 771

You deserved it 35 637

By doubleCoupon - 24/06/2014 18:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 465

You deserved it 5 547

Kids…

By Satan'sChildren - 28/04/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 515

You deserved it 3 244

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 134

You deserved it 4 746

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 08:00

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. Later, police turned up because mom thought she was underage. I had to desperately prove to some very angry officers that I met my girlfriend at university, and she’s almost a year older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 16:43 - United States - Erie

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 002

You deserved it 3 534

By ...loud noises...urgh... - 02/11/2011 16:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 188

You deserved it 51 181

By Nohouseforme - 07/10/2016 05:38 - United States - Tempe

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 464

You deserved it 1 439

By Anonymous - 11/05/2017 02:00

Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 645

You deserved it 501

By KnowWhereYourTowelIs - 14/08/2013 07:13 - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I won a year's supply of bath bombs in a competition. I live in a tiny flat by myself with only a shower. I also have to find somewhere to put the bath bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 774

You deserved it 6 102

By mstar - 24/09/2012 17:01 - United States

Today, I realized how lonely I am when I got excited over receiving my daily weather update from the Weather Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 565

You deserved it 2 814

By mommyopps - 26/03/2016 02:14 - United States - Madison Lake

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 847

You deserved it 3 544

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 003

You deserved it 5 857

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 01:26 - Israel

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 10 280

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Spicy

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 021

You deserved it 2 580

Make it so

By MissArizona - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 884

You deserved it 4 101

By supersmashpika - 18/07/2015 06:01 - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 143

You deserved it 9 723

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 04:00

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 188

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 153

You deserved it 7 056

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Top comments

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Thursday 19 February 2009 2:54

He loves you. Ask yourself this. He is handsome enough for people to randomly flirt with. He is with you. This means you are very worth his time and his love. Be proud. Height is irrelevant.

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Thursday 19 February 2009 2:50

It's happened to me too, hon. ETA: and the above replies are assholes.

Comments

Thursday 19 February 2009 2:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 6:21

why are you such a douchebag you douchebag?

youngboss_fml 2

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:22

i have to admit your comment is ...i dont know...incredibly stupid? how the fuck do u answer that?

Thursday 19 February 2009 2:50

yea 4'11 is pretty short, i think thats a legal midget

shortymcsharon 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 2:45

4' 9" is a midget. not 4' 11"

weepingangel_fml 7

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Thursday 20 October 2011 8:28

Actually, 4'11" is the maximum height to be considered a legal dwarf. I should know. I, too, am 4'11". I'm proud of it, too!

weepingangel_fml 7

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Thursday 20 October 2011 8:34

I meant by the age you are 18 and are 4'11" you are considered a legal dwarf.

suzyrobertsxo 7

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Wednesday 5 September 2012 3:21

It's okay. My boyfriend of 1 year is 6'5 and I am 5'1. It's a huge difference, but who cares what others think :) it was unfortunate that she flirted with your boyfriend though. I would have stood up to her and kicked her in the shins.

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 19:22

Same. My bf is 6' 2'' and I'm 5' 2''. Was weird in the beginning for me too, but I'm used to it now. The waitress was an obvious b*tch though. Although I'm very shy, so I'd ask my bf to shoo her away instead xD

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Thursday 25 April 2013 22:11

Actually, 184, 4'11" is legally a midget. I would know...

Capriciousfox 27

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Sunday 12 October 2014 7:07

I'm 4"10 but I'm not a midget

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Thursday 19 February 2009 2:50

It's happened to me too, hon. ETA: and the above replies are assholes.

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Wednesday 1 May 2013 16:50

That's when you stand up, smile sweetly at the waitress, sit on your boyfriend's lap in public, and start making out with him.

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Thursday 19 February 2009 2:54

He loves you. Ask yourself this. He is handsome enough for people to randomly flirt with. He is with you. This means you are very worth his time and his love. Be proud. Height is irrelevant.

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Friday 16 July 2010 23:47

haha. OP...if the shoe fits....but i mean, i heard shorter people live longer...and theres nothin wrong with bein short. plus, she prob new u were his gf and wanted to put u on blast

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Sunday 31 July 2011 9:30

that's cute!!! yeah my boyfriend is exactly a foot taller then me

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Thursday 19 February 2009 2:54

holy shit how many 4'11 ppl are in this world

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Friday 30 July 2010 12:57

mee:p

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 15:18

a lot.

What_Willis_is_t 1

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Tuesday 19 April 2011 16:09

Everyone under the age of 11 I believe

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 9:25

242 - Soo untrue. My cousin's daughter is 10 and she is 5'7

JuggaletteKlown 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 22:22

I'm a little less that 4'10. 0.o my boyfriends around 6'-something. it's not all that uncommon to be short, and many guys prefer short girls..

hsRoseTyler5 14

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Thursday 27 September 2012 18:28

My aunt is 4' 11" and she's in her late 30's.

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Sunday 28 October 2012 10:46

come visit Miami FL, theres a lot of short people here, me included 5'3.

shelbylove115 7

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Friday 10 May 2013 4:17

I am thanks.

theinfiniteend 21

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Tuesday 13 October 2015 3:42

Me

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Thursday 19 February 2009 2:55

Way to make fun of someone's height, people above me. But damn, that was cold of her. Get her fired. =/

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Wednesday 1 May 2013 16:52

That's a tad harsh.

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Thursday 19 February 2009 2:59

#9 she made a mistake, some people do look very young. People have thought i am much younger then my rl age. It happens. It is a double thing. She looks younger then her age, this is a plus in my book_^- getting someone fired over a misunderstanding which she didn't' even insult or do anything intentionally is meaner then anything that happened above. Her loosing her job may put her in the streets etc. that is evil.

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Thursday 13 May 2010 3:54

But...even five years olds are out of high-chairs. They, my friend, are puny. Although I suppose the average infant is around 4' 11". Oh yes.

JuggaletteKlown 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 22:28

I'm pretty sure it was clear she didn't need a highchair therefor the waitress was just being a bitch, even if she did genuinely believe she was his child. now, when people go on dates, it's normally pretty obvious they are on a date/together. I doubt she missed that. for being a bitch, it's only fair karma f*cks her over and causes her to loose her job, preventing her to further flirt with men on dates with their girlfriends.d: poor OP.

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Thursday 19 February 2009 3:03

no im pretty sure its under 5'

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Thursday 13 May 2010 3:56

No, it's way less than five, and they are additional parameters as well, such as proportion.

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Monday 25 June 2012 4:40

I've looked this up before because I wanted to see if I qualified as a midget. The legal midget height is below 4' 10".

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Thursday 19 February 2009 3:04

It also matters how old the girlfriend is

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Thursday 19 February 2009 3:05

I'm 4'11" too! Well, rounded up. And my boyfriend is 6'1", and he's only 5 months older than me. 4'9" is the legal height for being a little person, I think. There are taller little people but I personally am not, I just am short, but in proportion. One of my best friends is 5'1" and her fiance is 6'5".

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 40

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 36