By Tcake - United States

Smells like victory

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50128

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7824

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Cats

Animals

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

Facts over feelings

Pompous twat

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49461

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7092

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By unsurprised - United States

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

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25667

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3203

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2021 20:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Our house, in the middle of our street

Today, I realized I could say nothing in my home without being interrupted, talked over, or the subject derailed into a 30 minutes monologue by my housemates. And they wonder why I'm so quiet all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks

988

You deserved it

104

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33406

You deserved it

2715

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By sykotoaster - United States

Today, I spend two hours inside a bar talking about how I never worry about my boyfriend cheating on me when he travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to have such a great relationship. When we all decided to go out on the patio for a smoke, we saw him making out with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61811

You deserved it

10497

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By thedeadone

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2293

You deserved it

189

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By itsplashedeverywhere - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

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21712

You deserved it

2191

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By weddingsalwayssuck - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35561

You deserved it

2832

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By Crombinator - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

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33309

You deserved it

4019

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Today, a guest at my restaurant asked me what a tip was. I had to awkwardly explain to him that servers don't make hourly wages, and we rely on tips from customers to make money. After I finished, he laughed at me, called me a sucker, and stiffed me on a $120 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2683

You deserved it

274

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By moikristine - Norway - Fagerstrand

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44584

You deserved it

3193

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By Gears

Close shave

Today, I had dinner at a local fast-food joint. There's an employee there that I usually talk to and flirt with, so I thought maybe it was time to ask for her number. After a small conversation and almost getting to the point, she told me, "I'm 17." I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1876

You deserved it

648

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By IcyWinter - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45543

You deserved it

6479

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By fmylife. - Canada

Today, while I was out of the house, my 6 year old brother stole my new waterproof camera, dunked it into the toilet holding onto the wrist strap, and flushed repeatedly to see if it lived up to its "waterproof promise." It didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30452

You deserved it

3729

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By heya - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35304

You deserved it

2530

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By tomandjerry - United States

Grades go both ways

Today, I was scolding my 8 year-old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight "A"s like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair. When I asked why, he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19891

You deserved it

66376

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I finally found out why my graphics card in my PC had been overheating recently. My brother disconnected the card's fan because it was too loud when he was gaming. I guess I can always spend another $750. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23085

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1839

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By noosher0990

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20791

You deserved it

2747

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36691

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6086

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35706

You deserved it

2645

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrence

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16430

You deserved it

28424

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50918

You deserved it

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By obnum - United States - New York

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39101

You deserved it

45747

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By loon - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70693

You deserved it

9715

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By dammit - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30245

You deserved it

2395

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By burnswhenipee - Canada - London

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36033

You deserved it

5510

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60508

You deserved it

6051

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By soljaboy - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13087

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152331

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By toxic waste - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34029

You deserved it

7241

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By anon - United States - Chappaqua

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

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40082

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5755

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By thanks ma - 29/5/2020 02:00

Today, on Judge Judy…

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

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1941

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By maggie2014 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

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37260

You deserved it

28740

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By that'sokay

Deception

Today, I found out the guy I have been sleeping with didn't actually break up with his girlfriend. She just moved for a few weeks during quarantine. They are now living with each other, and I'm alone and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1683

You deserved it

457

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By jitiizer - Netherlands - Leeuwarden

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34830

You deserved it

2302

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By Joey

Today, I stepped outside my house for the first time in a year, trying to socialize again. I broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2581

You deserved it

297

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30145

You deserved it

6278

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By anonbob - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50300

You deserved it

3206

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By kb10

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16153

You deserved it

75233

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By dadyoureacunt - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40280

You deserved it

7415

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By Anonymous - United States - Davenport

Today, the guy I really like asked me if I'd like to go to a hockey game this weekend. I said I'd love to go, so he said, "Then you'd best get a ticket soon before they sell out." I still don't know if I have a date or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48852

You deserved it

4441

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Top comments

By jonnymohio | 2

#211406 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:16

LOL! Something like that happened to me. I smelled cat pee all day, checked my shoes, my car, washed my hands continually. Turns out the cat had peed on the sleeve of my jacket.

By BlerbFace306 | 0

#211468 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:44

this happened to me, except it was a sweatshirt...dont feel too bad

COMMENTS

By hpodity | 0

#211364 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:03

Now that's what I call a sticky situation!

torch433 | 1

#4363424 - Saturday 28 April 2012 2:21

epic fail smh

By Ldy_S_FTW | 0

#211379 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:06

Smelled ... not spelled.

By plethora | 3

#211381 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:06

YDI for leaving towels where the cat can sit on them.

By plexico | 3

#211399 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:12

With your cat's pheremones all over you, you're sure to get some pussy now!

By rukusrazor | 0

#211403 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:14

That's hot?

By jonnymohio | 2

#211406 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:16

LOL! Something like that happened to me. I smelled cat pee all day, checked my shoes, my car, washed my hands continually. Turns out the cat had peed on the sleeve of my jacket.

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#211417 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:18

be thankful it wasn't a lump of cat shit.

By 24788 | 6

#211420 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:19

Dou have to match out for bats.

By freemuffins | 0

#211446 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:26

:(

Should've noticed how crusty the towel was.

By NuclearWinter | 0

#211450 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 16:28

Are you kidding me? This FML gets accepted (with spelling mistakes and all) and the few I have submitted (hundreds of times worse and/or funnier) have never been published.