Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I... - FML

By Kelavmeister - 17/4/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86969

You deserved it

6946

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Business savvy

By TheComputerGuy96 - 22/5/2010 07:56 - Italy

Today, I was locked out of my house. After hours of trying to break the door, I found out I accidentally left a window open. The door, however, still needs to be replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9570

You deserved it

32472

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/4/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49595

You deserved it

6917

Tweet

Share

By scaryhairy - 4/11/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26900

You deserved it

5151

Tweet

Share

By GottaGetOuttaHere - 9/11/2018 13:30

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2359

You deserved it

179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 05:52 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23536

You deserved it

10957

Tweet

Share

By poo4brains - 28/4/2012 04:42 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32921

You deserved it

3591

Tweet

Share

By c - 22/7/2012 04:50 - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28968

You deserved it

1747

Tweet

Share

By aziraphaleelle - 18/3/2014 08:10 - United States - San Jose

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38039

You deserved it

4321

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 18:58 - United States

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28731

You deserved it

5377

Tweet

Share

By GideonSquire - 13/6/2017 20:00

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3713

You deserved it

406

Tweet

Share

By Danielle - 2/8/2020 08:08

Crushed

Today, I was disassembling a tent after a week of camping when I felt a crunch under my bare foot. I lifted up the tarp I was standing on to find a now squashed mouse. Mice are my favorite animals, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go camping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1141

You deserved it

427

Tweet

Share

By ugh - 14/6/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42576

You deserved it

3906

Tweet

Share

By RandomLG94 - 31/10/2015 20:35 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25890

You deserved it

1548

Tweet

Share

By liz - 16/7/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38242

You deserved it

18304

Tweet

Share

By thanks sis - 22/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Reading

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27615

You deserved it

3932

Tweet

Share

By transfer - 3/6/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37640

You deserved it

4729

Tweet

Share

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28339

You deserved it

4499

Tweet

Share

By Tancred - 15/9/2011 07:36 - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35517

You deserved it

2116

Tweet

Share

By xo007 - 4/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32652

You deserved it

3720

Tweet

Share

By moonbears - 22/10/2015 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22962

You deserved it

2793

Tweet

Share

By Jarryd - 10/2/2012 05:40 - Australia

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32451

You deserved it

7444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/8/2019 16:00

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1993

You deserved it

344

Tweet

Share

By the other guy? - 29/3/2014 21:57 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46489

You deserved it

19674

Tweet

Share

By caempa - 29/12/2011 18:13 - Australia

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32732

You deserved it

13585

Tweet

Share

By nhyari - 25/8/2014 18:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45977

You deserved it

4134

Tweet

Share

By sneezeattack - 14/5/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30852

You deserved it

4269

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65556

You deserved it

4074

Tweet

Share

By ssssssssuck a dick, boss - 18/8/2013 17:29 - United States - Kalispell

Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40350

You deserved it

3164

Tweet

Share

By amythest - 13/2/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42650

You deserved it

3126

Tweet

Share

By loner - 12/2/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36527

You deserved it

4176

Tweet

Share

By daddy'sgirl - 21/6/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8160

You deserved it

75084

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30965

You deserved it

2784

Tweet

Share

By YankeeDoodle - 4/3/2010 05:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25498

You deserved it

2047

Tweet

Share

By emmamrose7 - 15/8/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59455

You deserved it

6009

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/8/2019 13:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I missed out on the chance of buying a great used car because my loan wasn't approved. Why wasn't it approved? Because the vehicle has +100k miles on it. I wish they would've told me that when I applied for the loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1285

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By karmavictim - 18/3/2011 11:28

Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38001

You deserved it

10901

Tweet

Share

By FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP - 1/11/2013 18:38 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38836

You deserved it

3187

Tweet

Share

By Lily Cakes - 19/10/2018 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1381

You deserved it

4624

Tweet

Share

By Cow lover - 12/10/2016 14:13 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15068

You deserved it

2322

Tweet

Share

By iamshrimpy - 8/1/2010 06:24 - Canada

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24957

You deserved it

5962

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dutchie2010 | 0

#118764 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:54

hahahhahahahaah...you should have pulled into the driveway and rolled down your window and said "woah you live here too??"

By dino_witha_cape | 0

#118766 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:55

Hahaha. "Well, that's funny, because so am I." and then park and walk into your house. she'd be the embarrassed one x)

COMMENTS

By bellwether | 0

#118756 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:52

first.

also, what a fool.

By Dutchie2010 | 0

#118764 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:54

hahahhahahahaah...you should have pulled into the driveway and rolled down your window and said "woah you live here too??"

Reply

iJack | 0

#524441 - Saturday 29 August 2009 20:04

"You're my new mommie?!?!?" Would suffice too

Reply

Bear_Flu | 0

#971066 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 17:12

^this

Reply

RyGan | 0

#1009825 - Friday 28 May 2010 4:13

atleaat she tried to not her your feelings ..

Reply

XxCherryxX | 0

#2185763 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 19:48

Two-Hundered and Sixty-Second Comment! Woo Hoo!! Lol...

Reply

FreakingFYou | 13

#2342388 - Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:14

263. dumbass.

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#2949582 - Friday 22 July 2011 8:38

263, but nice try

Reply

22cute | 17

#3367546 - Friday 30 September 2011 5:03

She was probably just afraid of accepting a ride from a stranger. Dont take it personally.

Reply

pedosmurf | 7

#4122922 - Monday 5 March 2012 6:18

Or you could of been like I'll make sure your not locked and let her walk in

Reply

laura333_fml | 8

#5714170 - Sunday 13 October 2013 7:42

Dead lord that would be hilarious

Reply

sonasonic | 34

#5974414 - Friday 13 June 2014 21:04

Should have pepper sprayed that bitch for trespassing on your property.....

By SuperAsianPie | 0

#118765 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

FatGuyLover | 0

#2051231 - Sunday 6 February 2011 10:10

two hundred and fiftey eigth

Reply

FreakingFYou | 13

#2342405 - Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:15

262 dumbass. Learn to count.

Reply

Kface_stain | 0

#2434347 - Saturday 30 April 2011 17:00

why? because she didn't want a ride home from some boy with a crush? she prob cautches him staring at her all the time and was scared or creeped out. this is something I would do and prob have.

Reply

tencalories | 3

#2499475 - Thursday 12 May 2011 23:16

really? let's not assume he's a stalker that's just stupid just because he likes her doesn't mean he's a creep and he was probably just being nice not even because he liked her just cause he's not
a dbag

By dino_witha_cape | 0

#118766 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:55

Hahaha. "Well, that's funny, because so am I." and then park and walk into your house. she'd be the embarrassed one x)

By ptrek85 | 0

#118767 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:55

I hope you made her look like a fool for being such a bitch.

Reply

myoukei | 31

#6428395 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 22:15

Not wanting to get into the car with a stranger = being a bitch? Okay

By PureGold | 0

#118768 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:55

WOW that's cruel :(
You were just trying to be nice! Just from this, she sounds bitchy and full of herself.

Reply

22cute | 17

#3367551 - Friday 30 September 2011 5:04

Ever think maybe she's just afraid of accepting a ride with a strange guy??

By Minorchord | 4

#118769 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:56

So then you pulled into the same driveway, because it's your house and you were going home...?

And just because she said that doesn't mean she was creeped out or anything, she might have just felt uncomfortable and didn't want to create an awkward situation.

By HiJynX23 | 3

#118778 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:59

#7 ....Mission unaccomplished. lol

By AK | 2

#118779 - Friday 17 April 2009 9:59

Sucks to be the girl, but she deserved it.

By dunehunter | 0

#118780 - Friday 17 April 2009 10:00

I think she should be the one posting here :p

Reply

IDKOMGWTFTWROFLM | 0

#2372947 - Tuesday 19 April 2011 15:13

exactly!