Miscellaneous: Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me... - FML

By cachow - United States

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

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Understandable

Walk on the wild side

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By jl_word - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

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By Drewzter - United States

User manual

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

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By PunkChik27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

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By toyotasmash - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Knoxville

Today, my fiancé threatened to break up with me if our dog couldn't be the best man at our wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

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By Cinnanyan - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML

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By KN - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

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By squeltorey - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 18:57 - Mexico - Garza Garcia

Bye then!

Today, while on holiday. I got a call to let me know my job will be gone away when I return. FML

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By LonelyAngel22

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

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By tumblrinas_at_work - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

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By perfectmoment - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

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By Urinator - United Kingdom - Inchture

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

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By Tom

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

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By zuut - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

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By beepbeep

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

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By movingbuddy - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

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By Bree - United States

Today, my parents got a call from my English teacher. She told them that I have 14 days of detention because I've been cutting class. I've been there every day, but apparently she never noticed me. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML

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By clutzasaurus - United States - Odessa

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

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By Kaboom - Canada

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

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By Poopalipa - United States

Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML

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By norina - France - Paris

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

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By asshalf15 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

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By Anonymous

Not so ready to rumble

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

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By John doe - United States

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

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By fridgemylifee - United States

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

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By budadepressed - United States - Burnsville

Today, due to a scheduling error, I spent an entire day and night in an airport, over 30 hours in total. Just as I arrived at the gate, I was informed that my flight had been delayed for another 2 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

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By katiebell

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

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By izhamilton - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML

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By - France

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

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By TrappedInSchool - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

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By ohnoooooo - United Kingdom

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#543227 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:03

Where can I get one of these?

By imajinethat | 0

#543358 - Sunday 6 September 2009 14:02

YDI for not recognizing a Legend when you saw him.

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#543227 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:03

Where can I get one of these?

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#543241 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:08

Why do you NEED one of these, Alan?

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#543243 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:09

No comment.

Reply

freddyyy | 0

#543470 - Sunday 6 September 2009 15:56

Why WOULDN'T you need one?

Reply

dimkims | 0

#543839 - Sunday 6 September 2009 19:03

Why wouldn't you want one!

Reply

ark864 | 0

#718170 - Sunday 13 December 2009 15:42

lol i would steal it =]

By amy397123 | 0

#543248 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:12

I lol'd.

Reply

hairt | 4

#1404579 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 17:15

me too hahahah it's like op stupidly yelled hello at no one lolololololololol

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1608025 - Wednesday 27 October 2010 2:34

creepy but lol

By blameyourself | 0

#543249 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:12

you say goodbye...

Reply

mwz777 | 0

#970611 - Monday 29 March 2010 16:45

and I say hello

Reply

pu13 | 5

#1002966 - Sunday 23 May 2010 4:49

hello goodbye

Reply

V4ZQU3Z | 0

#1121021 - Thursday 22 July 2010 1:38

hola adios

Reply

chunkymunky666 | 0

#1796425 - Sunday 5 December 2010 9:49

I don't know y u say goodbye I say hello :D

Reply

MichelleMaBelle_fml | 16

#6368398 - Saturday 1 August 2015 20:23

I sang that once

By fungigiby7 | 0

#543253 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:13

Haha "get your very own cardboard stalker now" Only 9.99$

Reply

quontag | 15

#4581157 - Monday 18 June 2012 6:20

$9.99*

By Lawrence_Tam | 0

#543256 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:15

lol wow :) nice one, not entirely your fault tho i guess

By Emico_fml | 0

#543272 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:24

Fucking hell where can I buy me a life sized cardboard Paul?!

By BurpusMe | 0

#543284 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:29

#10 FTW!!!

By slipkid | 0

#543295 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:38

damn I want one!

By Magic_Stars | 0

#543309 - Sunday 6 September 2009 12:58

it isnt really that bad :P

By sublime93 | 0

#543318 - Sunday 6 September 2009 13:14

...So? Is there a part 2 to the story?