Miscellaneous: Check these out - FML

Check these out

By doubleds - 03/06/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 160

You deserved it 5 633

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

Booty pic

Bad timing

By pizzaface - 05/06/2021 10:59

Today, I learned that the one face cleaner that actually works for me is no longer being made. I just ran out of the last of my supply last night, and I woke up to find my face completely covered in zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 90

By ClosetMishap - 10/11/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 629

You deserved it 4 725

By mommysgirlapparently - 29/10/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 680

You deserved it 8 028

By thatoneperson - 17/02/2012 12:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 352

You deserved it 5 883

By robbed - 03/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 175

You deserved it 24 304

By PrinceOfBritain - 14/05/2015 02:41 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 365

You deserved it 3 501

By tinytitty - 23/03/2009 03:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 141

You deserved it 9 219

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 01:54 - United States - Natrona Heights

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 875

You deserved it 23 663

By Dear God Why - 05/12/2016 13:07

Today, I finally determined the source of the horrible smell that periodically invades my apartment: there's nothing wrong with the plumbing as I previously thought, I can just smell my neighbors pooping in their bathroom on the other side of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 325

You deserved it 710

By p!$$3D0FF - 15/01/2009 02:02 - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 907

You deserved it 31 496

What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2020 02:02

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 313

Opposites attract

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 14:01

Today, and in the past few weeks, my new girlfriend revealed she doesn’t think COVID is real, the vaccine is a government tracking chip, thinks Scientology makes sense, global warming is a ruse, poor people are poor because they’re lazy… Oh and she always votes Conservative. Boy, can I pick em. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 531

By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 885

You deserved it 4 864

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 7 702

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 193

You deserved it 23 703

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 831

You deserved it 14 127

By bittenbyadonkey - 28/01/2011 17:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 043

You deserved it 3 537

By bad luck? - 19/01/2012 05:44 - Australia

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 033

You deserved it 2 667

By MrsGrinch - 07/12/2018 14:00

Today, I’d finally saved up enough to buy flights home for Christmas. After putting in the info several times, it wouldn’t work, so my husband decided to try and “help.” Not only did he buy flights to the wrong place, but now I have to wait another 5-7 days to be refunded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 238

By Millian2 - 08/04/2012 02:10 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 965

You deserved it 3 692

Don't feed the trolls

By jacobianscum - 29/11/2015 07:05 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 567

You deserved it 1 623

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 20:35 - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 622

You deserved it 1 656

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 13:04 - Israel

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 818

You deserved it 6 270

By C BOMB - 14/09/2015 23:58 - Australia - Toowong

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 842

You deserved it 19 263

Surprise!

By spiteful bitch - 25/07/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend’s ex found out I was pregnant. Her logical response was to have her teenage sons jump him as he was coming home from work. Now we’re filling out a police report instead of our baby registry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 115

By healey16 - 03/04/2009 18:13 - Canada

Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 646

You deserved it 78 741

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 289

You deserved it 26 213

By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 20:00

Today, after saving up for a beautiful new dress to wear to my partners 30th birthday party, it finally arrived in the post. I try the dress on and instantly the stitching rips and leaves two big holes in it. Turns out I'm no longer a size 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 701

You deserved it 1 972

By angry - 28/06/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 981

You deserved it 8 669

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 243

You deserved it 16 702

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 01:27 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 949

You deserved it 8 124

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 16:02 - United States - Anchorage

Spicy

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 930

You deserved it 5 516

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 796

You deserved it 45 810

Asshat

By lissa - 01/06/2021 11:01

Today, at school, some kid I’ve never liked came up to me and said, to my face, "I’m really happy to hear about your mom." She died two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 58

By "Levi2411" - 31/12/2018 04:00

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 201

You deserved it 305

By ouch.... - 22/10/2013 01:24 - United States - Duxbury

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 092

You deserved it 3 554

By Maleficia - 19/01/2017 08:25

Today, the government froze my bank account for not paying college debt, and now I can't access my 0.30 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 815

You deserved it 1 455

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 348

You deserved it 3 800

By needtoscratch - 05/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 860

You deserved it 1 763

Sorry mate, you're on your own

By LivingBroke - 21/08/2017 20:01

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 098

You deserved it 460

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:56

you shoulda told him to look at your boobs and see if he remembers them

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:57

... presumably you had a receipt?

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:56

you shoulda told him to look at your boobs and see if he remembers them

Send a private message

Friday 25 June 2010 5:42

deff lol i hope you made a big scene what a jerkk

Send a private message

Sunday 24 October 2010 8:14

win

SilenceIsSilver 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 18:03

That's what I was thinking! Be like "Um okay dickface do you remember my BOOBS then?" Unless you were wearing a low-cut shirt then YkDI. Don't get me wrong I'm all for flaunting it if you've got it just don't get mad if someone looks. :p

Send a private message

Friday 18 March 2011 2:19

exactly what i was thinking

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Friday 19 May 2017 19:19

But when she's NOT flaunting 'em, said attention is annoyingly repetitive. :-(

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:57

Your handle is "doubleds", what do you expect?

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Friday 19 May 2017 19:28

Dreni, she selected her username to instantly identify the nature of said boobs as well as to infer as to the unending, unwanted attention that she gets from their genetically-inspired/ un-asked-for size ... and no, not everyone can afford plastic surgery....

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:57

... presumably you had a receipt?

Send a private message

Friday 16 April 2010 15:22

My thoughts exactly

Send a private message

Saturday 2 July 2011 4:48

Agreed

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:11

He probably didn't give her the receipt yet!

THE_TRUTH_HURTS 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:58

Save your receipts next time dumbass, and I hope you didnt pay for it twice. you shoulda raised hell

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 October 2013 19:35

Damn and I thought they were supposed to be polite in Canada.

omgjusschoose 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:58

lmao classic

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:59

Lmao @ #1

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:59

This is the time to take out the receipt and shove it in his face. What a horny freak. I hope you went and complained to the manager about the bad service.

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:59

hahaha fail. i wish i had boobs. sniff.

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:01

I totally agree with #1

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:01

That's when you say "Well, you should probably recognize my jugs well enough. But if you seem to have forgotten, maybe we could get the manager over here, so he can remind you both of me paying, and current sexual harassment laws?" With that said, don't sue him thats gay haha. But do say that to get your receipt back. That dude is wack. and by your name "doubleD's", you seem to be pretty fine with flaunting them. If you don't want random guys checking them out, then don't wear the kind of low-cut shirts that expose them. Otherwise, it's really a lost cause. And if you do secretly enjoy guys dirty peepin... you'll have to deal with situations like this. just saying

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Friday 19 May 2017 19:25

Wrestler, you were doing fine until you started preaching per her username, which she selected to instantly identify the nature of said boobs as well as to infer as to the unending unwanted attention that she gets from their genetically-inspired/ un-asked-for size ... and, no everyone can afford plastic surgery.

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Friday 19 May 2017 19:35

*no, not everyone....

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 144