Kids: Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old...

By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

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Kids

And today, on Dr Phil…

Dementia or hate? You decide

Dangling modifier

By Erica - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at a fancy family dinner. The dish I'd made was served, and as we ate, I told my aunt that I was a total failure as a cook, explaining everything wrong about my dish, in painful detail. Apparently we'd both made the same dish. That one wasn't mine. FML

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By cs - United States

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

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By nuttedthefout

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

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By tammylauraine - United States

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

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By Champs - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

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By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

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By TheLibrarian

Today, after being jobless for 2 years, I got a call back for an interview. I was ecstatic until I saw the date. It's the same day I leave for a weeklong, nonrefundable vacation. I applied for the job 6 weeks ago, and since not hearing anything bought the vacation 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

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By Whoops - United States

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

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By Getmeout - United States - Hartfield

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

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By Anon - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

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By notatherapist - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

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By supersmashpika - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

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By ohfantastic - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I am on vacation in Dubai with my dad and a few of his friends. I thought we were going to travel and see some amazing things, but I'm confined to my hotel room while everyone drinks and watches Family Guy. FML

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By LittleMissRejected

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous

Creep

Today, I found out that the guy I've been anonymously sexting with through an adult website is the seriously creepy stalker-ish front desk worker from our office building, who also happens to be the building owner's son. Shit. FML

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By Van - United States

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 05:01

Baby you can drive my car

Today, as usual, I work nights and sleep during the day. I found out that my brother uses my car and never puts gas on it when he called me for the first time to actually ask me if he could borrow my car, and also to lend him $20 to put gas in it. FML

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By jaskyriddims - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

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By ohhhjaymo13 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

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By - France

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

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By mackenzie_cain - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

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By no - United States - Worcester

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2020 09:30

I don't like to move it, move it

Today, I realized just how sedentary both my work and home lives are after I went to the doctor with a rash on my butt and he diagnosed it as bedsores from near constant sitting. FML

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By single and unbuggered - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

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By A.J. - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

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By Oops - Australia - Belmore

Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML

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By Seamstressed - Italy

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

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By DepressedCellist

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

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By wtf yourself, cunt - Australia - Sydney

Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

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By Laura - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

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Top comments

By not_your_taco | 15

#6342011 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:15

Guess someone needs to potty train more

By DFMLharsh | 20

#6342009 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:14

At least it's just one. Could've been all 4. That's still pretty bad, though.

COMMENTS

By DFMLharsh | 20

#6342009 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:14

At least it's just one. Could've been all 4. That's still pretty bad, though.

By not_your_taco | 15

#6342011 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:15

Guess someone needs to potty train more

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6342164 - Monday 6 July 2015 16:36

Well, at least it wasn't in his pants...that's a start I guess.

ExtremeEncounter | 32

#6342222 - Monday 6 July 2015 17:30

Ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

Pixiewolfe | 46

#7463950 - Friday 2 June 2017 1:17

from what I remember potty training means not going in your pants, not in nature o.O

By senor_octubre | 24

#6342012 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:16

But hey, I bet you weren't bored anymore. Frustrated and embarrassed but definitely not bored.

By flyingflies | 36

#6342014 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:17

How can you properly watch a 4-year-old when taking care of 3 dogs at the same time? That's careless, OP.

mads_nicole | 19

#6342077 - Monday 6 July 2015 15:16

That's stupid. People do it all the time!

invadermaythe1st | 35

#6342105 - Monday 6 July 2015 15:37

Really?... You're a dumbass, lmao.

bapbap_fml | 15

#6342180 - Monday 6 July 2015 16:50

I feel like most people could handle a child and dogs. It's not that hard..

By echarlotte | 19

#6342024 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:22

Make sure you bag it or you'll get a fine

By iAlissa | 34

#6342027 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:23

That's actually incredibly gross, regardless of age.

invadermaythe1st | 35

#6342107 - Monday 6 July 2015 15:38

Thanks, captain obvious.

By Cads1 | 24

#6342031 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:24

Did you let him drag his backside along the grass too?

By AMcM_fml | 21

#6342038 - Monday 6 July 2015 14:37

unlucky OP, maybe next time you're bored you'll just take the dogs for a walk.

By sturschaedel | 27

#6342056 - Monday 6 July 2015 15:00

Did you pick it up?

By saifnaqvi11 | 21

#6342067 - Monday 6 July 2015 15:08

Ew, I know that feeling op, I have to pick up my toddler brothers poop all the time. I hope you brought something to pick it up! (Which you probably would if you're a dog owner)

onlychildFTW | 33

#6343143 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 9:44

If you have to do it a lot for your toddler brother he should probably still be in diapers/pull ups.