By FMyEx - 06/12/2012 11:50 - United States - Southington

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks 29 554
You deserved it 4 875

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Asscandle? I must brush up on my insults.

asscandle Ignition of the inner anus caused by methane gas, and a struck match.


Asscandle? I must brush up on my insults.

manlaw1 3

Just think about that word literally for a second...

asscandle Ignition of the inner anus caused by methane gas, and a struck match.

I think you can just add any word to ass, and it becomes an insult.

Asshat, asspotato, asscow

Asscurtain. Nope, doesn't work for all words. Unfortunately.

Schizomaniac 24

Asscurtain definitely works.

Corrupt_waffles 13

Asshat is my favorite and I use it all the time. It also throws people off when you yell at them that they are a vagina. c:

tsent8 15

Linda makes me wonder if its possible.

Not if you add sexy in front of it..(;

Airman1988 9

When I seen "asscandle" I assumed it meant he "lit" the way for other assholes kinda like he is such an ass that other jerks can be enlightened on how to be greater assholes from him.

tjv3 10

That really shows how much he disrespects you to do that at your place of employment. I would say YDI if you stay with him

99- How the hell did that relate to the comment you replied to? Please stop comment clinging

99 if you read her username it says Ex on there

afairshake 8

Made me laugh at the name

maniaccy 8

That's a good one

haha i thought that was funny too... asscandle, nice!

stewpididiot 11

Wow!! Same here... That's a new one

You might want to brush up on your "click the reply button" skills before that.

Yeah you stewpididiot.

2 living up to your name I see.

He is a pussy and can't handle his drinking. Man liquid courage gets the best of us sometimes I guess

Man liquid? You mean semen? Uh, I guess that gets the best of SOME of us sometimes...

Must be all the testosterone.

damn_homie 2

38- it wasn't "man liquid" it was "liquid courage"

I hate to say this doc but you miss-read his comment. The guy above me shouldn't have been thumbed down.

fromthesuck 8

He's obviously had enough anyway if he's willing to waste the last of it on someone else's face.

Nilla - I didn't misread it. I made a joke based on his lack of punctuation. And now that I pointed it out, the joke is dead. RIP, joke. :(

unknown_user5566 26

Doc, if it helps, I understood your joke. I saw it as a clever example of why grammar does matter on FML, despite the popular belief "dat dys isnt english class gawd lolol".

Yeah. My bad there chief, I didn't notice it until after it was to late. And I was working so I didn't get to reply in time. But I understood the joke it was a good one.

Commas, they can change the whole meaning of a sentence!

Yeah, it could be the difference between: Helping your uncle jack off the horse and Helping your Uncle Jack, off the horse.

I tried to keep Doc's joke running, but, shit, some pedant just strangled any life that was left from it.

RocketNinjaFish 12

Yeah, punctuation is always important. For example, Let's eat, children. Or Let's eat children.

103- why would we ever need the first one? Feed us fetus! I'll take mine medium rare!

ranko77 1

I'm confused! I've voted thumbs up many times but the end result is always a thumbs down? Am I not doing it right?

Asscandle is new to me too..

manlaw1 3


manlaw1 3

^^^ Ignore that comment please, I fucked up

KiddNYC1O 20

Quiet, asscandle!

manlaw1 3

Yeah, dump the alcoholic bastard.

According to the name, the alcoholic bastard has already been dumped.

manlaw1 3

Heheh, I missed that part. My bad

perdix 29

I'm putting in "I hope you mean ex-boyfriend" in the hope that no more space will be wasted with this obvious and cliche comment. Sorry for wasting the space explaining how I was trying to avoid wasting space. Sorry for wasting space apologizing for wasting space trying to avoid wasting space . . .

Yeah thumb me down lala. But why are you famous on fml perdix? Did you do something I don't know about like help program this site? Everyone talks about your comments like they're golden.

He's the 'oldest' member on this site. Age becomes him.

perdix 29

#11, it's because I've made a buttload of comments and I have managed to accidentally make a few good ones. Luckily, some people selectively remember only those few and think highly of me ;)

manlaw1 3

Perdix, I remember seeing some FML's where your comment almost had as many thumbs up as the FML itself.

Okay, quick poll: which commenters do you guys consider "famous", and why?

manlaw1 3

Perdix, Docbastard, and Noor The reason they're famous is pretty much the only way to get famous on FML, by posting clever/funny comments.

Ah i see. Well that makes sense. Yea all the comments of yours I've come across I've found to be pretty witty. Let's hope this one does good. You have my thumb.

KaySL, boners, iicaptain, doc

I think it also depends on how often you comment. I mean I recognize your name and sometimes I recognize profile pics of fml users . If someone posts 15,000 comments, you're bound to create some popularity.

11: His comments, along with DocBastard, ManInTheMachine, Noor, and SqueakyChipmonk, (among others) (sorry if got that wrong) gets me every time. They've been on here for awhile and their comments always are funny.

Perdix, sorry to burst your bubble, but in this case your comment was indeed a waste of space. Check the user name. But you were at least a little more original than simply writing, "I hope you mean ex-boyfriend." I hereby give you an "A" for effort. :)

her name is FMyEx

No offense 52.....but your comment was really had nothing to do with nothing. And if you really want to get technical, my comment is too haha xD

What do you mean? I was replying to Perdix's original comment. Unless you mean that replying to an irrelevant comment makes for an irreverent reply, then I guess that makes sense.

*Irrelevant reply. But I guess criticizing Perdix's comment is irreverent too...

the_smart_way 10

I once saw a comment made by Perdix on Something about "well I guess he'll be missing the wedding you should of had too" Congratulations Perdix, your influence spreads!

The only reason I log back in is to see what Perdix has said recently. I wouldn't be surprised to see his expressions in a book of quotable urban quotes some day.

Schizomaniac 24

Sweet_Candy_ is on your list of intelligent commenters. Your argument is invalid.

I wish I had been around for the Perdix Era.

"Belligerent"-being hostile and aggressive.

Thank you for the definition. I'm sure we wouldn't have known that without you.

8- Well I didn't know, not everyone on this site is a native English speaker... But I could have looked it up myself but thanks anyways #7!

astralvagan 20

Sounds like he's an ex now.... Don't be upset that it happened. You could have lost your job and much worse.... Good for you!

Rosie_Posie43 12


guemarez 9

I hope you mean " soon to be EX- boyfriend"