Today, I was babysitting three little kids. I decided to give... - FML

By ouchy - 30/1/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I was babysitting three little kids. I decided to give one of them (a seven-year-old) a piggy-back ride, thinking I'm strong enough. I managed to get a few feet before faceplanting on the wooden floor. She is fine though, no pain or anything. My face took the impact for both of us. FML

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Healthy relationship

Toxic parents

Boozehound alert

By 420SUX - 4/8/2012 06:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I caught my boyfriend staring at my sister through the doorway while we were having sex. FML

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By good_job_john - 20/7/2009 15:43 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

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By Autumn - 18/12/2017 01:30

TMI

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

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By jesushelpme - 22/10/2012 19:08 - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

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By Badaboom - 23/5/2011 10:54 - Netherlands

Today, my 3-year-long dry spell was about to end. A lovely lady over for dinner, good food, wine and lots of laughs. Things heated up nicely in the bedroom when a playful wrestle made my bed shift, snapping two of its legs. The bed collapsed, totally ruining the mood. The dry spell continues. FML

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By jennythezebra - 3/6/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Thornton Heath

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

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By Zedscar - 15/7/2017 22:30 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML

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By RightInTheFace - 12/9/2015 16:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2017 02:00

Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML

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By - 28/1/2020 18:00

So romantic!

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

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By Bridget - 28/8/2019 18:00

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2015 01:28 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

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By frenchie12 - 24/3/2019 02:00

Get back here!

Today, I hooked up with a girl. The condom fell off when I pulled out. When the girl left I could not find it. I saw my roommate cat's with it, so I chased him and he escaped. My roommate now wants to kill me. She found the condom on her bed and does not believe me. I might have to move out. FML

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By MedChew - 8/5/2015 12:46 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

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By monkey2069 - 13/5/2014 13:58 - United States - Elgin

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

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By Scaryman - 21/2/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

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By Missedtheboat - 30/10/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I finished making an awesome costume for a Halloween party my crush was attending. I then checked the invite and found out the party was last night. FML

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By pansypup - 3/9/2015 02:30 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

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By ReboundGrl - 23/5/2016 18:44 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

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By Fuck irony - 29/10/2017 10:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I was volunteering at a soup kitchen and was advised to leave my wallet and cell phone in my car so they wouldn’t be stolen. Someone broke into my car and stole them. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2019 16:04

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Taste test

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

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By Fv-day - 14/2/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

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By kawood - 30/3/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

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By hopeless - 3/10/2014 21:13 - Canada

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

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By kewtness_17 - 1/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

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By 282 - 29/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was sitting on my younger sister's bed while I was on my phone. She came in the room and pushed me off the bed, and I ended up slicing the skin under my eye. Now, my parents are forcing me to pay for the injury for "hanging off the bed". FML

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By Bece420 - 11/2/2019 12:00 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I decided to try a 7-minute exercise video to start working out and get in shape. I couldn’t make it though the video. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I came across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. FML

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By Will - 23/4/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my friends all think, "Don't worry about it" means "It's free." I'm a few thousand dollars in debt and they back each other like a gang. Never mind all the Aussies who say it means, "Pay slowly." FML

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By FreshDonuts - 28/2/2015 05:03 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

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By Chris - 20/11/2012 05:03 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

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By ;_;" - 27/9/2013 21:33 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 19:02 - United States - Saint Paul

Stress level: 2020

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

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By wilsmith - 1/2/2010 12:36 - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

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By - 12/1/2017 20:00

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

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By Username - 15/6/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't kiss me because there was a picture of Superman on my shirt. FML

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By Username - 13/5/2011 08:13

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

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Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#809232 - Saturday 30 January 2010 12:08

Do yourself a favour... don't try to lift anything over 10 pounds without adult supervision anymore. If you fell so fast you couldn't even drop to your knees and let her slide down your back, you weren't even CLOSE to "strong enough", and should not have attempted it.

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#809315 - Saturday 30 January 2010 13:42

Hahaha, I just picture some fat little 7 year old jumping on your fallen body.

COMMENTS

By GearsFan56 | 1

#809227 - Saturday 30 January 2010 12:06

1st!

how can you not pick up a seven year old

Reply

awesomenessjess | 0

#809263 - Saturday 30 January 2010 12:29

lol your weak!

Reply

pongmaster | 0

#809564 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:28

yeah seriously I know 7 year olds that can pick up other 7 year olds you should be ashamed you are sooooo weak

Reply

fuzz97 | 23

#809762 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:02

cuz she's a woman lol jk

Reply

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#809772 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:05

lol! reminds me of the time I tried to give a piggyback ride to my friend who was 80lbs. I could walk with her on my back fine but my other friend Amy was saying how weak I was and couldn't do it so I decided to run rofl. BAD MISTAKE. I skidded my knee hahaha. oh middle school how I miss you...

Reply

UsaTrackstar | 0

#809883 - Saturday 30 January 2010 18:59

lol time to hit the weight room

Reply

kingwaldo | 0

#810003 - Saturday 30 January 2010 19:55

Maybe the kid was obese? Just sayin'…

Reply

love2bu | 0

#810558 - Saturday 30 January 2010 23:00

somebody hasnt heard of bowflex

Reply

ouchthatsux | 0

#811766 - Sunday 31 January 2010 6:27

the OP has to increase her arm strength...or she won't be able to make more sandwiches!!!

Reply

TheObnoxiousNarw | 0

#2622285 - Sunday 5 June 2011 5:20

Make more sandwiches! That builds upper body strength!

By null_fml | 11

#809232 - Saturday 30 January 2010 12:08

Do yourself a favour... don't try to lift anything over 10 pounds without adult supervision anymore. If you fell so fast you couldn't even drop to your knees and let her slide down your back, you weren't even CLOSE to "strong enough", and should not have attempted it.

By zook182 | 0

#809244 - Saturday 30 January 2010 12:18

you fucking deserve it you weak ass bitch

Reply

GameDub | 0

#809318 - Saturday 30 January 2010 13:43

LMAO oh wow. yeah you do suck ass if you can't give a 7 yr old a piggy back ride. if I knew you, I'd be ashamed of you :P

Reply

Caayouteepie | 0

#809566 - Saturday 30 January 2010 16:29

TROLL gah

By Thebluez | 0

#809290 - Saturday 30 January 2010 13:07

a 7 yr old? really? you cant pick that up? the only reason you wouldn't deserve this is if she was fat

By FernandoTorres_fml | 0

#809315 - Saturday 30 January 2010 13:42

Hahaha, I just picture some fat little 7 year old jumping on your fallen body.

By Sekococo | 0

#809338 - Saturday 30 January 2010 13:57

It's probably the way you pick up the kid, usually a certain angle can throw you off FML but if not <.< YOU A WEAK AS BIOTCH for not being able to pick up something lessor then your weight YDI :D

By WorkThatButt | 2

#809340 - Saturday 30 January 2010 14:02

Oops you make angry-poo-poo

By Ihascheezburger | 2

#809343 - Saturday 30 January 2010 14:06

Sounds painful, at least the kid's "ok" though.

By Dopeyrox | 0

#809394 - Saturday 30 January 2010 15:08

dude I think you should start lifting weights. weakling

Reply

beccartist | 1

#811668 - Sunday 31 January 2010 5:50

7 year olds expect adults to be really strong so they might have been rocking or not making it easy for the OP.

By deepdiver999 | 0

#809425 - Saturday 30 January 2010 15:31

you shoulda known better you dumbass WTF if shestoo heavey than you put her down right then but you don't wait until you faceplant your just a weak little pussy I mean really who can't carry a little girl
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