Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the... - FML

By Anonymous - 8/2/2011 16:27 - United States

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

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Work name

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 5/4/2016 20:13 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

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By bluep313 - 18/9/2015 17:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML

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By fired tomoz - 29/10/2014 15:46 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

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By WellThen - 15/12/2018 06:30 - United States

Today, my son was looking through old photos and showed me a picture of myself and asked who it was. When I told him it was me, he responded by saying "But mommy, the lady in the picture is not fat!" FML

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By beepbeep - 22/8/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

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By longtrip - 18/1/2010 00:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

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By disfunctionalfamily - 27/4/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

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By Ali - 7/7/2012 20:23 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

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By anonymous - 5/5/2015 06:42 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

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By mongoosemike - 7/6/2011 05:55

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

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By Jackey - 5/6/2019 12:00

Today, I signed the contract for my 18th book sale. I went to school to be a serious writer. My latest book is a gay werebear story that involves male pregnancy. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 01:38 - United States - Houston

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

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By TheLibrarian - 27/10/2018 05:00

Today, after being jobless for 2 years, I got a call back for an interview. I was ecstatic until I saw the date. It's the same day I leave for a weeklong, nonrefundable vacation. I applied for the job 6 weeks ago, and since not hearing anything bought the vacation 2 weeks ago. FML

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By collegebroke - 22/9/2013 05:45 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I hit a new low in my financial troubles when I left my work to retrieve twenty-five cents after seeing someone drop it across the street. FML

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By Joanna - 27/12/2018 18:00

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

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By ChePow - 20/8/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

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By leprechaun23 - 23/4/2012 04:21 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I taught my friend how to use a staple gun. She taught me how to get staples out of my hand. FML

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By facepalm - 27/2/2009 08:39 - Singapore

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

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By tazthespaz - 29/12/2016 03:18 - United States - Comstock Park

Today, a telemarketer called my house phone and asked for my grandpa. We were having his wake. FML

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By lynnie - 23/10/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

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By Littlebigben - 19/7/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

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By Susan - 18/3/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

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By WtfDidIPayYouForThen - 2/6/2013 10:53 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I asked my dermatologist why my acne has been getting worse, despite following her directions and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine. She just shrugged and told me they can't actually cure my acne. However, they can prescribe me a bunch of stuff and hope one works. FML

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By Lebac - 14/4/2015 08:33 - United States - Burlington

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

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By RohnAbheek - 21/8/2011 17:36 - India

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

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By scared - 24/6/2020 23:02

Healthy relationship

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

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By bryans_fresh - 12/6/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

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By Rowden - 26/4/2010 09:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 08:08

Dead wrong

Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2012 12:16 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

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By seriously?! - 11/2/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML

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By Damnit - 25/12/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. 2 weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they can't make it that day and turning up any way after going out. FML

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By beautyschool22 - 11/6/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

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By lonelygirl - 14/10/2012 12:43 - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2015 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

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By sofked - 9/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

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By crushed - 29/3/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend and when his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and i thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away I hear her say "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better". FML

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By Anon - 27/2/2010 16:07 - United States

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

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Top comments

By Ownord_fml | 10

#2059157 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:54

Do you work in a bank ? ^^

By riotshields | 4

#2059279 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:24

YDI for thinking you have to work at a circus to be attacked by clowns.

COMMENTS

By nietsrepus | 0

#2059133 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:50

this is righteous. hahahaha

By uncbballwins | 0

#2059137 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:49

nice

Reply

uncbballwins | 0

#2059148 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:52

I really don't see how people are so afraid of clowns..

Reply

kedaboo | 0

#2059478 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 20:38

I'm afraid of clowns but that is hilarious

Reply

ifyouseekamy666 | 0

#2059721 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 22:21

I'm not afraid of clowns but I'm afraid of balloons so I guess I'm afraid of clowns that have balloons...

Anyways this FML made me giggle tehe :3

Reply

bmiller2047 | 0

#2060332 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 1:39

fluorescent adolescent? i love that song :)

Reply

tona01 | 16

#2060671 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:24

i'm afraid of clowns since i saw IT when i was little

Reply

theian01 | 3

#2060711 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:36

McDonnalds has a clown. Maybe multiple Ronalds attached him.

Reply

robotnhi | 0

#2063010 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 15:21

im not afraid of clowns i just hate them. really hate them!

Reply

hombrepollo | 0

#2063451 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 18:02

me too I couldn't go pee for a year after I saw IT.

Reply

Locoluis | 15

#2063907 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 21:17

One word for you:

PENNYWISE

Reply

gamercanadian | 11

#2065950 - Thursday 10 February 2011 9:53

I'm afraid of clowns and dolls lol after seeing the movie Child's play when I was like 6 yrs old.

By IrishSoulja | 4

#2059150 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:52

WIN hahahaha

By Ownord_fml | 10

#2059157 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:54

Do you work in a bank ? ^^

Reply

skittesryummy98 | 0

#2060322 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 1:35

EPIC WIN ^

Reply

shaneac | 0

#2060764 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 4:02

The OP lives in Missouri, and so do I O.O

Reply

jazziness | 12

#2078014 - Sunday 13 February 2011 15:46

I don't get it lol

Reply

TayonaC | 10

#2205635 - Saturday 19 March 2011 17:46

I was born in Missouri !

By whatcase | 16

#2059188 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:59

hahaha maybe you was on mushrooms or somethin

Reply

rockhound | 0

#2059200 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:03

Maybe you is on mushrooms or somethin

Reply

ifyouseekamy666 | 0

#2059725 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 22:21

tehe :3

Reply

hopelessxdesign | 5

#2060046 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 0:18

wow, sorry but you both fail...it would be "maybe you were on mushrooms" in the past tense, and "maybe you are on mushrooms" in the present tense.

Reply

cowmeleon | 2

#2060804 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 4:14

#44 I believe he was mocking him

Reply

ieatbebies | 0

#2074010 - Saturday 12 February 2011 9:11

ok mrs i know everything thx for the lesson i dont think she was correcting him

Reply

swinglifeaway123 | 8

#3295087 - Thursday 15 September 2011 20:33

You look like a fat Justin beiber.

By Doortje | 28

#2059212 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:04

Cliniclowns?

By krysxkatastrophe | 14

#2059253 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:14

What did I tell you about staying away from them Juggalos!?!

Reply

Necrocephalous | 0

#2059323 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:44

MMFCL

Reply

WickedClownMCL | 1

#4057470 - Monday 20 February 2012 2:15

Yea sorry we got the wrong guy... MMFWCL

By WhiteZoneRedZone | 6

#2059257 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:15

All those pies in the office fridge should have tipped you off.

By hickgirl1994 | 0

#2059259 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:15

prity sure ya made this up

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#2059498 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 20:45

Are ya? Are ya prity sure? And how can ya be so sure?

Do you work with OP? No.
Are you a clown? No.
Did you organise the attack? No.
Are you breaking the commenting rules by yelling "fake"? Yes.
Do you deserve to have a clown shoe up your ass? Fuck yes.

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#2059603 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:25

Lol nice doc. But better a clown shoe then a beer bottle like that poor bastard in your picture xD

Reply

IcyJack | 7

#2059650 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:50

Hear ye, hear ye, the word of DocBastard.

*obligatory chorus*

Reply

leprachaun405 | 0

#2060611 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:07

all hail the might doc!!

Reply

Acousticpixie14 | 6

#2061786 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 7:22

Seriously people.
That is not the shape of a beer bottle!
Looks more like a Coke bottle...

By Imagirll | 3

#2059261 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:16

big deal. their clowns. WHOOP DE DOO! not.

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2059614 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:32

Thanks for transporting me back to the 90s.