Work: Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

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Serious times

Size zero

Little shit

By Anonymous - United States - Framingham

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

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By Gahh... - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

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By no selfie for me - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

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By Anonymous - Thailand - Bang Bua Thong

Today, I realised that I've never been able to successfully cook a meal outside of World of Warcraft. FML

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By Anonymous

Mommy Issues

Today, my mother-in-law yanked my corset so tight that I shit myself. While wearing my dress. On my wedding day. FML

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By awesome - United States

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after failing my Ls twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mums car into an old ladys fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my boyfriend told me that if he was to break up with me, he would do it in a crowded location so I couldn't start to cry or make a scene. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML

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By MCRxforever - United States

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

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By graham

Very mean

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

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By sigh - United States

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

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By Abby - United States

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's Christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replyed that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the Christening. He was serious. FML

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By cgold - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

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By Ouch

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Goodyear

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

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By madseason - United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

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By danielesnaranjo

Drunk online shopping FTW!

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

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By polkadotpinup - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML

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By hannamacintosh - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

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By Zach Got Robbed - United States - Clifton

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

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By shitty situation - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

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By yeahno - United States

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

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By nycplywood - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

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By ChampionshipVinyl - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

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By ally - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

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By Username - China

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while my teacher was in the middle of a lecture, I accidentally made it so my laptop would display everything upside down. It took me the rest of class to get it right side up again. FML

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By thatsucks - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

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By Margo - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

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By Eva - France

Today, my boyfriend woke me up by playing with the string of my tampon. FML

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By TicketMePink - United States

Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML

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By unlolable4321 - United States

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

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By fuckingjesusgran - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Sarajevo

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2020 02:00

Goldfinger

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

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Top comments

By Ownord_fml | 10

#2059157 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:54

Do you work in a bank ? ^^

By riotshields | 4

#2059279 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:24

YDI for thinking you have to work at a circus to be attacked by clowns.

COMMENTS

By nietsrepus | 0

#2059133 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:50

this is righteous. hahahaha

By uncbballwins | 0

#2059137 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:49

nice

Reply

uncbballwins | 0

#2059148 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:52

I really don't see how people are so afraid of clowns..

Reply

kedaboo | 0

#2059478 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 20:38

I'm afraid of clowns but that is hilarious

Reply

ifyouseekamy666 | 0

#2059721 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 22:21

I'm not afraid of clowns but I'm afraid of balloons so I guess I'm afraid of clowns that have balloons...

Anyways this FML made me giggle tehe :3

Reply

bmiller2047 | 0

#2060332 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 1:39

fluorescent adolescent? i love that song :)

Reply

tona01 | 16

#2060671 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:24

i'm afraid of clowns since i saw IT when i was little

Reply

theian01 | 3

#2060711 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:36

McDonnalds has a clown. Maybe multiple Ronalds attached him.

Reply

robotnhi | 0

#2063010 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 15:21

im not afraid of clowns i just hate them. really hate them!

Reply

hombrepollo | 0

#2063451 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 18:02

me too I couldn't go pee for a year after I saw IT.

Reply

Locoluis | 15

#2063907 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 21:17

One word for you:

PENNYWISE

Reply

gamercanadian | 11

#2065950 - Thursday 10 February 2011 9:53

I'm afraid of clowns and dolls lol after seeing the movie Child's play when I was like 6 yrs old.

By IrishSoulja | 4

#2059150 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:52

WIN hahahaha

By Ownord_fml | 10

#2059157 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:54

Do you work in a bank ? ^^

Reply

skittesryummy98 | 0

#2060322 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 1:35

EPIC WIN ^

Reply

shaneac | 0

#2060764 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 4:02

The OP lives in Missouri, and so do I O.O

Reply

jazziness | 12

#2078014 - Sunday 13 February 2011 15:46

I don't get it lol

Reply

TayonaC | 10

#2205635 - Saturday 19 March 2011 17:46

I was born in Missouri !

By whatcase | 16

#2059188 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 18:59

hahaha maybe you was on mushrooms or somethin

Reply

rockhound | 0

#2059200 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:03

Maybe you is on mushrooms or somethin

Reply

ifyouseekamy666 | 0

#2059725 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 22:21

tehe :3

Reply

hopelessxdesign | 5

#2060046 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 0:18

wow, sorry but you both fail...it would be "maybe you were on mushrooms" in the past tense, and "maybe you are on mushrooms" in the present tense.

Reply

cowmeleon | 2

#2060804 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 4:14

#44 I believe he was mocking him

Reply

#2074010 - Saturday 12 February 2011 9:11

ok mrs i know everything thx for the lesson i dont think she was correcting him

Reply

swinglifeaway123 | 8

#3295087 - Thursday 15 September 2011 20:33

You look like a fat Justin beiber.

By Doortje | 29

#2059212 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:04

Cliniclowns?

By krysxkatastrophe | 14

#2059253 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:14

What did I tell you about staying away from them Juggalos!?!

Reply

Necrocephalous | 0

#2059323 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:44

MMFCL

Reply

WickedClownMCL | 1

#4057470 - Monday 20 February 2012 2:15

Yea sorry we got the wrong guy... MMFWCL

By WhiteZoneRedZone | 6

#2059257 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:15

All those pies in the office fridge should have tipped you off.

By hickgirl1994 | 0

#2059259 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:15

prity sure ya made this up

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#2059498 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 20:45

Are ya? Are ya prity sure? And how can ya be so sure?

Do you work with OP? No.
Are you a clown? No.
Did you organise the attack? No.
Are you breaking the commenting rules by yelling "fake"? Yes.
Do you deserve to have a clown shoe up your ass? Fuck yes.

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#2059603 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:25

Lol nice doc. But better a clown shoe then a beer bottle like that poor bastard in your picture xD

Reply

IcyJack | 7

#2059650 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:50

Hear ye, hear ye, the word of DocBastard.

*obligatory chorus*

Reply

leprachaun405 | 0

#2060611 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:07

all hail the might doc!!

Reply

Acousticpixie14 | 6

#2061786 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 7:22

Seriously people.
That is not the shape of a beer bottle!
Looks more like a Coke bottle...

By Imagirll | 3

#2059261 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 19:16

big deal. their clowns. WHOOP DE DOO! not.

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2059614 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:32

Thanks for transporting me back to the 90s.