Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I...

By Jamie - United States

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16399

You deserved it

154068

Favorite

Love

Don't shoot the messenger

Not now, mom!

Persona non grata

By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30843

You deserved it

3377

Favorite

By Andy

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1868

You deserved it

360

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

184

Favorite

By clumsyandhungry - United States

Today, we were closing the restaurant early. I begin mopping as a couple walks in. The lady slips and falls, and to avoid a lawsuit, we offer them free food. After they left, I slipped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor with dishes in my hands. I didn't get free food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25839

You deserved it

8683

Favorite

By Rowaelin16 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11686

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By overreacting - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31799

You deserved it

2983

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/6/2020 14:04

This one simple trick! Doctors hate her!

Today, I received many compliments from my co-workers on the weight I've lost and how nice I look. I haven't slept for the past month, and eating makes me nauseous. I don't have the heart to tell them my secret is anxiety and depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

118

Favorite

By thankful

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3121

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By Username

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36724

You deserved it

5217

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By Lady Douche of Asscrackington - United States - Watertown

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43430

You deserved it

3540

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38595

You deserved it

4757

Favorite

By Anonymous - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42955

You deserved it

3463

Favorite

By CreeperKiller2000

Dude! Come on!

Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3984

You deserved it

1145

Favorite

By will - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

191

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15478

You deserved it

74016

Favorite

By bad day Brutus - United States

Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26920

You deserved it

63769

Favorite

By workworkwork

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3429

You deserved it

408

Favorite

By Pushover - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13611

You deserved it

40563

Favorite

By alycion

Today, I woke up with my face flying at the wall. A muscle spasm had caused me to pop out of bed. I'm now dealing with a concussion and sprained neck, thanks to an almost physically impossible feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1566

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16963

You deserved it

54240

Favorite

By newlyneurotic - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3986

You deserved it

323

Favorite

By regretter

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33860

You deserved it

7732

Favorite

By YAABOIII - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61079

You deserved it

8780

Favorite

By yulis - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51336

You deserved it

7253

Favorite

By kingwalrus - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37957

You deserved it

8020

Favorite

By Sammy - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47685

You deserved it

5515

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1812

You deserved it

792

Favorite

By Deployed - 7/12/2019 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Great surprise

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3523

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By ruserious - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33398

You deserved it

2251

Favorite

By whatdidimarry - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24163

You deserved it

2274

Favorite

By NoHipster - 3/6/2020 05:02

Crazy people

Today, while I was waiting for a bus, a nutjob-looking dude walked up to me, then hissed, "You hipster scum, you don't even need those glasses," before forcibly removing them and snapping them in half. I was wearing regular clothes, and those prescription glasses cost me $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1981

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By AGeeksWife - United States - Saukville

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29218

You deserved it

4176

Favorite

By amber - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30630

You deserved it

4745

Favorite

By sig

Today, I found out that I'm not welcome at my boyfriend's dad funeral, because his ex-wife has invited herself, and it would be too awkward to explain to his extended family, most of whom apparently don't yet know that he's divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10287

You deserved it

877

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, during a driving lesson, I accidentally rear-ended a BMW at a traffic light. The number plate was "Law Man." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1446

You deserved it

366

Favorite

By Cuntface McGee - Romania - Dej

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39764

You deserved it

18497

Favorite

By MySonThePoet - United States - Racine

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37708

You deserved it

5455

Favorite

By Anonymous - France - Le Rove

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54201

You deserved it

3142

Favorite

By Tyler_Padgett - United States

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13925

You deserved it

58892

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MaryJane75 | 7

#82333 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:19

you could have just told her you were working there part time to help pay for med school

By tehhotness | 0

#82357 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:24

"no speaka the english"... then run

COMMENTS

By MaryJane75 | 7

#82333 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:19

you could have just told her you were working there part time to help pay for med school

Rach_star | 0

#636361 - Saturday 24 October 2009 17:31

Exactly.. Duh

mlipro | 0

#906669 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 5:30

"What? I was working here last night.... Your positive?.... Fuck! my brother said he couldn't help me because he was studying." Now she thinks your twins. Problem solved.

deepunder | 17

#5528238 - Monday 10 June 2013 8:24

Using #1 idea it wouldn't be that big a FML, unless it wasn't a 1 night stand

By Contrius | 0

#82339 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:20

little white lies have a bad habit of coming back to bite you in the ass...

cheepcheep23 | 8

#5849339 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 12:54

I'm not so sure pretending to be in med school is little....

WinterBlue42 | 22

#5977335 - Monday 16 June 2014 11:24

Yeah. . That seems a tad more severe than a 'little white lie'. . :x YDI to the OP.

Hunthas | 17

#6275167 - Monday 27 April 2015 17:24

so do one night stands ;)

By Broc | 0

#82353 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:23

She didn't even remember your name, so she couldn't have been that interested in the first place.

By tehhotness | 0

#82357 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:24

"no speaka the english"... then run

By The_Cait | 0

#82377 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:28

I agree with #1...people in grad school often hold down shit jobs to help with tuition. If you're going to lie, learn to lie well and be quicker on your feet!

By UrLifeDoesntSuck | 0

#82382 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:29

Today, I lied and I got caught. FML

Stop approving these. Please.

By SaintJared | 0

#82392 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:30

I agree with #3.
You obviously weren't that good.

By actonthat | 0

#82394 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:31

#6 took the words right out of my mouth.

By runkatrun | 0

#82410 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:34

Hahah, nice remark #7.

But that was well deserved, and you know it, OP. But if you are going to lie, make sure that you're quick on your feet. #5's comment was pretty much everything I wanted to say. :)

By imlaughingatyou | 0

#82415 - Saturday 4 April 2009 20:37

yeah you can always say you need the extra money.