Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came... - FML

By TooGulible - 12/7/2016 20:08 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML

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The first time we met

The cheek of some people

Boozehound alert

Workaholic

By notgoodenough - 26/10/2016 18:47

Today, I was informed I wouldn't be getting a raise because I hadn't followed the updated protocol. I said I was unaware that there was an updated protocol. My supervisor said, "That's because we didn't tell you about it." FML

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By Jill - 25/2/2010 01:26 - France

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

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By patrick - 17/3/2010 16:15 - United States

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

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By thebiteof87 - 22/7/2015 06:32 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2014 04:48 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 08:27 - United States

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

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By JulietMarie - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML

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By brylynn - 26/8/2012 01:58 - United States

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

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By thanks.... - 3/1/2014 21:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2018 22:15

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 02:43 - United States

Today, I felt really depressed so I decided to go to McDonald's, get a sundae and cheer myself up. I got pulled over by the cops on the way, and was given a ticket for an expired registration. McDonald's was closed. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 09:06 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

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By Diana - 25/10/2019 22:00 - United States

We hear ya

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

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By pizzagurl - 9/5/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

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By kblevss - 5/1/2013 09:21 - United States - Bayville

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

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By b. - 24/9/2009 10:06 - Australia

Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2015 10:51 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

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By ken - 3/12/2018 15:30

Today, I took my girlfriend to a festival. The very first thing we saw when we got there was a guy being wheeled away by paramedics. She freaked out and demanded we leave. FML

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By rarara - 30/10/2012 21:26 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

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By SierraDiaz2097 - 23/3/2013 05:44 - United States - Vardaman

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

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By peeoncarl1111 - 29/1/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

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By Max - 30/1/2017 12:00 - United States - Bluffton

Today, I tried to grab a coffee at the McDonald's drive-thru on my way home from work, but as I drove away from the restaurant a kid darted across the parking lot right in front of me. I had to slam hard on my brakes to avoid hitting him, in the process spilling my hot coffee all over my jeans. FML

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By disappointedjamaican - 31/8/2014 18:44 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

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By DumbLackofLuck - 22/12/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

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By sasd32 - 6/3/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

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By SeaSick - 15/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

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By ~JESSICA~ - 11/9/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

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By johnG - 21/12/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

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By lylethomes15 - 21/4/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2015 17:08 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

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By this sucks - 5/8/2013 04:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2012 04:36 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

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By sanoria51 - 26/4/2013 23:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

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By mcpeepants - 8/1/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

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By meesa in big doo do dis time! - 13/6/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

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By IkeTheIntern - 18/9/2015 20:02 - Canada

Today, my boss told me to stop giving work to our college intern because it's an embarrassment to have someone who hasn't finished college working for him. This is the same boss who constantly brags about being a high school drop out. FML

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By Mils - 26/11/2019 03:00 - Australia - Blackburn

Maternal monitoring

Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend stays over. FML

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By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

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Top comments

By cacheson | 41

#6649014 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:36

I bet he had it planned the whole time.

By warrior2 | 20

#6649013 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:35

He must be cold-hearted!

COMMENTS

By warrior2 | 20

#6649013 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:35

He must be cold-hearted!

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6649422 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 22:26

I see princess and pumpkin

By cacheson | 41

#6649014 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:36

I bet he had it planned the whole time.

Reply

tounces7 | 27

#6649696 - Thursday 14 July 2016 6:49

Sounds like a tactic for a charming sociopath...

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6652194 - Monday 18 July 2016 6:58

He walks a rocky road.

By ThLast_Huntr22 | 7

#6649017 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:48

Ydi for not paying attention

By Catdragon | 40

#6649020 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:55

You just got played

By Malsain_fml | 10

#6649022 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:56

Off course you did not get a date. He would have to pay the ice cream otherwise.

By jesterinperil | 28

#6649024 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 8:58

This stone-cold stunner must have been a pretty great cone-artist to pull off a heist of this size.

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6649025 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 9:01

Isn't it wonderful when people use others' weaknesses/insecurities to get ahead and take advantage of them?

Reply

Solsticee | 7

#6649411 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 22:05

Wait, insecurity? It was them who was making use of their good looks.

By anonymoususer070 | 17

#6649031 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 9:13

How does getting a compliment distract you from doing a simple job? Sorry OP, at least you lucked out, seems like he's a jerk to purposely do that to you! Better luck next time with an honest man :)

Reply

scyth3s | 13

#6649208 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 15:10

You must not spend a lot of time around others if you don't understand that positive attention ( or even negative attention) can be quite distracting to those who crave it.

Reply

anonymoususer070 | 17

#6649281 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 17:22

So because when I'm at work since compliments don't distract me from doing my job I must not spend a lot of time around people? No, some of work jobs that if we let that happen we get fired.

By KoiTheKewlKid | 20

#6649060 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 9:53

I scream, you scream, the police show up

Reply

ImagineCrazy | 27

#6649461 - Thursday 14 July 2016 0:04

I scream, you scream, the police come, it's awkward*

By gracehi | 31

#6649072 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:11

You got played like a duck of cards, girl.

Reply

newzealand | 28

#6649091 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:35

Quack!