Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the...

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

White line fever

Who's a good boy?

By taptheturtle - 12/4/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fishes. My coworker named the three fishes what I thought were completely random names. I said "those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kid's names. FML

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By legotron - 30/10/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML

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By poro123 - 5/11/2012 05:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

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By Devil - 11/12/2012 06:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

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By - 21/11/2019 15:00 - Australia - Bonnyrigg

Our secretive

Today, my mom is 44 years old, and she is cheating on my dad with my friend who is 19. And she's paying me to keep her secret. FML

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By justmyluck25 - 23/7/2010 12:59 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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By Oops - 4/7/2014 17:35 - United States

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

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By Rosie - 13/6/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

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By cakekiller - 29/9/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

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By "people these days" - 19/7/2013 20:36 - United States - Fairfax

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

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By K. - 7/5/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

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By random1456 - 13/6/2019 18:00

Today, my credit card got declined while I was buying anti-depressants. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

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By gmian - 6/12/2015 05:06 - United States - Amherst

Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML

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By moneyman22 - 1/3/2010 19:09 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

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By boytoy - 2/9/2009 21:23 - Canada

Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML

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By munnyfish - 7/11/2009 07:16 - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

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By bb - 3/10/2012 16:19 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

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By Tori Pearson - 27/6/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

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By Jake Leiter - 20/3/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

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By Nick - 22/5/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

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By alex327 - 29/10/2015 03:32 - United States - Dayton

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

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By Michael978 - 29/4/2016 03:40

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

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By UTurn - 9/8/2019 04:00

Today, I lost my phone during a hike up Mount Washington. Luckily, it was reported to the office, and they called my wife. Too bad we had already been driving for at least four hours. FML

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By CalebNotShomo - 25/12/2014 15:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML

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By chinatownhobo - 8/4/2013 06:12 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

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By propose_you_freakin_coward - 27/9/2013 12:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2016 01:07 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

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By crazyvulva9216 - 27/1/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

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By has an old monitor - 5/12/2014 14:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

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By SCREWED - 15/7/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

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By deweyd8855 - 3/7/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 06:52 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

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By YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND - 17/8/2015 20:14 - Canada

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

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By wet and sad - 15/11/2019 03:00

Completely soaking

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

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By ColdMN - 3/2/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

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Top comments

By AGGoddess | 2

#747043 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:49

Did anyone else provide backup vocals?

By nevele11 | 0

#747060 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:58

What are you, five?

Comments

By dinosaursmoo | 0

#747039 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:46

POOP

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 | 2

#747618 - Thursday 31 December 2010 21:48

MESSAGE ME FOR LOCKERZ INVITE!!!!!1

LOCKERZ = FREE IPODS, GAMING SYSTEMS, LAPTOPS, MACs, GAMES, AND MOREEEE!! ALL COMPLETELY FREE.

cucuto89 | 0

#748194 - Friday 1 January 2010 4:02

why would you even sing that soung? you should sing the sandwich song

Grndslmhttr3 | 0

#749964 - Saturday 2 January 2010 6:40

No one old enough to work should be saying poopy, let alone singing about it.

bobnorris | 0

#924173 - Monday 8 March 2010 5:25

I'm taking a poopy poopy poopy poop!!!

redsox112 | 0

#967736 - Thursday 25 March 2010 5:00

no need to explain this- ydi

cydnee | 0

#978480 - Monday 12 April 2010 4:32

and I bet you work at chuckie cheeses and had the rest of the five year olds sing with you

By AGGoddess | 2

#747043 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:49

Did anyone else provide backup vocals?

catatonicsleep | 17

#747044 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:50

or musical accompniament...

raydot | 0

#747254 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:28

Would the farts count as "the wind" section of the bathroom orchestra?

bailo | 0

#747486 - Thursday 31 December 2010 20:33

LMFAO

emygirl13 | 0

#748189 - Friday 1 January 2010 3:55

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!! you shouldnt sing that even if ur in your house ALONE, never, dont be five, if u happened to be five, it wouldve been cute... :D and for #46, that just made my day, oh my god! that has to be one of the funniest things ive heard

blabalot10 | 0

#850718 - Saturday 13 February 2010 4:21

#46 ROFLMFAO!!!!

intint50 | 0

#870491 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:55

#46 = official win.

By teamedwardftw | 0

#747050 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:52

WTF? ydi

peacelovepugs | 7

#2669581 - Monday 13 June 2011 5:32

I'm team Edward too

By ipwnallmen | 10

#747051 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:52

xD this is kind of adorable!i hope someone recorded it and put it on youtube! scooper super pooper!! after all the proof is in the chocolate pudding!!

2&3=== LOLOLOLOL!!!! =3

By lenasaur | 0

#747054 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:55

LOL wut

By Pandachewchew12 | 0

#747057 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:56

BAHAHA!!

By nevele11 | 0

#747060 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:58

What are you, five?

Ascaryrobot | 0

#747095 - Thursday 31 December 2010 16:22

You were once shoved headfirst through a womans vagina, why are you acting so dignified.

fafa123_fml | 0

#747147 - Thursday 31 December 2010 17:08

because you touch yourself at night

RustedMetal | 0

#747157 - Thursday 31 December 2010 17:15

hahahahhahahaha

gomego87 | 0

#804009 - Thursday 28 January 2010 5:43

no sorry, I'm five and a half

shepaintsmusic | 6

#1108238 - Monday 19 July 2010 6:27

omg 26-win.

drummerforever | 0

#1510671 - Thursday 7 October 2010 7:49

19 win

Link5794 | 16

#5223544 - Friday 7 December 2012 17:09

Why is that beret staying on your head?

By Starfire22 | 5

#747062 - Thursday 31 December 2010 15:59

Haha, my godson does this... But he's 5 years old...

By bom_bom | 0

#747070 - Thursday 31 December 2010 16:06

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! omg u deserved it in a funny way. Not like your lifes over but i bet you laughed about it already. Anyways I can image this fml. >>

Today, I was in the bathroom at my work reapplying my makeup, while someone in the stall was deficating and singing ''I'm taking a poopy poop poop poop''. FML