Miscellaneous: Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10276

You deserved it

64238

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Miscellaneous

Own it

Leave us alone

Menace II Society

By katiebabby - United States

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38593

You deserved it

4878

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By :(( - Japan - Tokyo

Mind your own business

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44731

You deserved it

18194

Favorite

By noonotme - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27391

You deserved it

6635

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 17:06

Couch potato

Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

295

You deserved it

1086

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By beagle1 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I'm designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other instructed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26106

You deserved it

2376

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By ant_hater - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23562

You deserved it

2508

Favorite

By "Shadley Chase Teladia" - South Africa - Johannesburg

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2745

You deserved it

1893

Favorite

By jackzz - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34857

You deserved it

3561

Favorite

By HR nightmare - United States - Glendale

Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11062

You deserved it

726

Favorite

By kp - United States

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27168

You deserved it

3902

Favorite

By jackson - United States

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12100

You deserved it

38870

Favorite

By pickuptruckblues - Canada - Mississauga

Final Destination

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31783

You deserved it

3584

Favorite

By maggie2014 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37263

You deserved it

28745

Favorite

By a - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54295

You deserved it

7006

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40613

You deserved it

5028

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By FirmlyInEngland - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41140

You deserved it

5534

Favorite

By Sapphirlinda - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39721

You deserved it

3256

Favorite

By Jebus - United States

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29075

You deserved it

60893

Favorite

By Chandler - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26765

You deserved it

2917

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3369

You deserved it

481

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By longdrive - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37443

You deserved it

5119

Favorite

By localbarista - United States

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39280

You deserved it

2408

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By Anonymous - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27164

You deserved it

1867

Favorite

By Yudor - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26394

You deserved it

2417

Favorite

By Mad - Australia

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34567

You deserved it

5259

Favorite

By explanations - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80510

You deserved it

7920

Favorite

By Tabeling101

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7481

You deserved it

1417

Favorite

By regected - United States

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35791

You deserved it

45274

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By isabellam0426

Today, while teaching my history class, a girl asked me where North America was. She lives in North America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9549

You deserved it

679

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By Laundrylady - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10443

You deserved it

71344

Favorite

By DF - Israel - Rehovot

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40573

You deserved it

12100

Favorite

By socks - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Monday madness

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "Days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26845

You deserved it

10150

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/6/2021 17:01

Name thievery

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend used the baby name I wanted with the girlfriend he’s been dating for less than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

836

You deserved it

140

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By piliseep

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4007

You deserved it

357

Favorite

By drew_ar85 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36934

You deserved it

6665

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41204

You deserved it

179485

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By melonhead77 - Cyprus

Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19879

You deserved it

6805

Favorite

By hopeless - Canada

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9752

You deserved it

54030

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By Ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28239

You deserved it

5838

Favorite

By shugette212 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27062

You deserved it

7650

Favorite

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Top comments

By AGGoddess | 2

#747043 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:49

Did anyone else provide backup vocals?

By nevele11 | 0

#747060 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:58

What are you, five?

COMMENTS

By dinosaursmoo | 0

#747039 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:46

POOP

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 | 2

#747618 - Thursday 31 December 2009 21:48

MESSAGE ME FOR LOCKERZ INVITE!!!!!1

LOCKERZ = FREE IPODS, GAMING SYSTEMS, LAPTOPS, MACs, GAMES, AND MOREEEE!! ALL COMPLETELY FREE.

cucuto89 | 0

#748194 - Friday 1 January 2010 4:02

why would you even sing that soung? you should sing the sandwich song

Grndslmhttr3 | 0

#749964 - Saturday 2 January 2010 6:40

No one old enough to work should be saying poopy, let alone singing about it.

bobnorris | 0

#924173 - Monday 8 March 2010 5:25

I'm taking a poopy poopy poopy poop!!!

redsox112 | 0

#967736 - Thursday 25 March 2010 5:00

no need to explain this- ydi

cydnee | 0

#978480 - Monday 12 April 2010 4:32

and I bet you work at chuckie cheeses and had the rest of the five year olds sing with you

By AGGoddess | 2

#747043 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:49

Did anyone else provide backup vocals?

catatonicsleep | 17

#747044 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:50

or musical accompniament...

raydot | 0

#747254 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:28

Would the farts count as "the wind" section of the bathroom orchestra?

bailo | 0

#747486 - Thursday 31 December 2009 20:33

LMFAO

emygirl13 | 0

#748189 - Friday 1 January 2010 3:55

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!! you shouldnt sing that even if ur in your house ALONE, never, dont be five, if u happened to be five, it wouldve been cute... :D and for #46, that just made my day, oh my god! that has to be one of the funniest things ive heard

blabalot10 | 0

#850718 - Saturday 13 February 2010 4:21

#46 ROFLMFAO!!!!

intint50 | 0

#870491 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:55

#46 = official win.

By teamedwardftw | 0

#747050 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:52

WTF? ydi

peacelovepugs | 7

#2669581 - Monday 13 June 2011 5:32

I'm team Edward too

By ipwnallmen | 10

#747051 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:52

xD this is kind of adorable!i hope someone recorded it and put it on youtube! scooper super pooper!! after all the proof is in the chocolate pudding!!

2&3=== LOLOLOLOL!!!! =3

By lenasaur | 0

#747054 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:55

LOL wut

By Pandachewchew12 | 0

#747057 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:56

BAHAHA!!

By nevele11 | 0

#747060 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:58

What are you, five?

Ascaryrobot | 0

#747095 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:22

You were once shoved headfirst through a womans vagina, why are you acting so dignified.

fafa123_fml | 0

#747147 - Thursday 31 December 2009 17:08

because you touch yourself at night

RustedMetal | 0

#747157 - Thursday 31 December 2009 17:15

hahahahhahahaha

gomego87 | 0

#804009 - Thursday 28 January 2010 5:43

no sorry, I'm five and a half

shepaintsmusic | 6

#1108238 - Monday 19 July 2010 6:27

omg 26-win.

drummerforever | 0

#1510671 - Thursday 7 October 2010 7:49

19 win

Link5794 | 18

#5223544 - Friday 7 December 2012 17:09

Why is that beret staying on your head?

By Starfire22 | 5

#747062 - Thursday 31 December 2009 15:59

Haha, my godson does this... But he's 5 years old...

By bom_bom | 0

#747070 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:06

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! omg u deserved it in a funny way. Not like your lifes over but i bet you laughed about it already. Anyways I can image this fml. >>

Today, I was in the bathroom at my work reapplying my makeup, while someone in the stall was deficating and singing ''I'm taking a poopy poop poop poop''. FML