Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 19:49 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

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Cold-blooded old times

White line fever

Does it taste good?

By MCRxforever - 17/6/2010 22:56 - United States

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

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By Me - 20/12/2016 01:40 - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

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By disturbed - 1/6/2014 01:53 - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

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By SingleSara. - 2/3/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know 3 hours ago before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

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By StillHurt - 19/1/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

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By chipmunk - 29/10/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

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By Zoey - 9/2/2012 15:17 - Canada

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

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By egsrox95 - 1/11/2017 00:30

Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2014 20:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

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By foxytheologian - 15/4/2017 02:00

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2010 23:19 - Canada

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

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By preggersss - 19/7/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

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By - 30/12/2009 10:41 - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

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By Liav - 23/1/2017 12:00

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

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By Jedi - 20/2/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

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By pinkleopleurodon - 9/12/2011 12:23 - United States

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

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By Sebastian20 - 8/5/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

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By Help Me - 18/1/2015 03:45 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

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By souped - 10/12/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

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By headdesk - 25/6/2014 05:41 - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2013 20:34 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my 24-year-old brother again yelled at me for looking at him while he was on the toilet. It'd be easier not to if he didn't sit on the toilet with the door wide open, and if the bathroom wasn't directly opposite my bedroom. FML

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By paula.isabel - 9/9/2018 20:30

Today, I was in a car crash. While I was being immobilised by the paramedics to be taken to the nearest hospital, the passenger of the other car, who didn't have a single scratch, touched my shoulder and said, "It doesn't matter, nobody got hurt." FML

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By Deaf - 2/7/2015 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

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By FUCK A FUCKING DUCK - 23/11/2012 17:20 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

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By Lily - 23/3/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML

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By Krit - 10/2/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

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By kqwarrior - 27/6/2016 03:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

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By ihatemyex - 23/5/2020 14:00

Who are you?

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 20:00 - Australia

Dumbo's jumbo dungo

Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2017 08:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I called and went downtown after the city incorrectly issued fines against my property and threatened jail time for violating city ordinances, not paying fines, and not filing permits. They told me that, until fines are paid, they cannot correct a thing even though they got the address wrong. FML

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By Ricky - 9/3/2009 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2013 11:45 - United States - Gorham

Today, after 8 months of being belittled and treated like trash at my job as a prep cook in a high-end kitchen, I stood up for myself to the line cooks. Not only did everyone laugh at me, I got fired for causing a scene during service and insubordination. FML

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By - 9/4/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

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By usmcpain - 23/6/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

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By dude - 20/1/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

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By Anon - 11/12/2014 18:13 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

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By nic - 1/4/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

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By Ashley - 3/5/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

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Top comments

By herecomestheFMLs | 12

#5490577 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:39

Sneaky old lady

By emmingle | 24

#5490589 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:41

Plant a stolen item in there on her way out.

Comments

By herecomestheFMLs | 12

#5490577 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:39

Sneaky old lady

Reply

MDTeddy | 13

#5490866 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:40

When will people learn to not help an old lady? I understand if you know the person. Tbh, I would have just ignored her since idc and she should have gone to the store with someone if she knew she can't reach higher shelves.

Reply

mystashisgone | 6

#5490902 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 6:15

Don't most supermarkets have cameras? Seems like a simple way to resolve this...

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5490914 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 6:32

if you bought the stuff show the reciept or reference the cashier to show proof. This is battle soldier

Reply

Joe9024 | 20

#5491183 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 12:55

You know, what I don't understand is what an old lady would want with a cart full of unpaid for groceries? Unless she wanted that exact same shit. If thats the case she shopped in record time

By jackaced | 7

#5490579 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:39

Super-troll strikes again!

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5490920 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 6:35

granny troll you mean. only super saiyans and super man can super troll.

By Hornedone | 7

#5490584 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

How does he deserve it you retards

Reply

Eiregal2 | 10

#5490630 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:55

I really hate people who use that word to insult others.

Reply

_DudeGuy_ | 16

#5490696 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:03

Though it bothers me too, I don't hate it as much as when people use gay to describe things they dislike.

Reply

shorty6823 | 28

#5490737 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:43

Idk. I think retard is worse. The gays have an easier time defending themselves than the mentally challenged.

Reply

Faff | 20

#5491106 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 9:52

I disagree, retard actually makes sense. The word gay has nothing to do with intelligence.

Reply

ThunderLightTSV | 31

#6694160 - Thursday 22 September 2016 23:22

Retard literally means slow.
I.E flame retardant.

By emmingle | 24

#5490589 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:41

Plant a stolen item in there on her way out.

By dramaelf | 37

#5490590 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:41

The elderly are not to be trusted. Ever.

By ilovedinosawers | 17

#5490595 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

The elderly are always innocent, even when they're guilty.

Reply

ironichalibut | 24

#5490606 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:45

Yeah, give her a break. In her mid she only has so long to live before she's going to hell. Maybe she forgot it wasn't her cart too while stealing it.

Reply

heygirlie777 | 21

#5490851 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:22

10, what 7 was saying, I believe, is that even when old people are the ones to be blamed and they're fully aware of that, they use their old age to take advantage of people.

By Adhdkid107 | 9

#5490596 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:43

Grandmas now a days. *slaps knee* Their so silly.

Reply

Slasher15987 | 8

#5490910 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 6:21

#8 They're*

By Just_a_comment | 21

#5490599 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:44

People like this old woman make it harder to be a good Samaritan these days.

Reply

daniel_dd31 | 13

#5490744 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:47

Your picture is tripping me out.

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5490759 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:08

I'm confused it appears to be 4d

Reply

Just_a_comment | 21

#5490781 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:27

Not 4D, an optical illusion trick. It's a penrose triangle, also known as an impossible triangle.

By keverdeen | 14

#5490613 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:49

At least she didn't smack you with her purse full of hard candy and pennies!

By narkill | 13

#5490621 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:52

Time to kick some "old lady" ass.