Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters.... - FML

By becca1417 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

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Understandable

Mother of the year

The X Factor

By h

Today, while at a restaurant, my three year old daughter pointed at an African-American girl and yelled out “She’s ugly because she’s black!” Me and my wife got dirty looks for the entire rest of our meal. We have no idea where she learned that. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

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By CatLover<3 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

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By Why me. - United States - Kent

Today, I emailed my boss to let her know I was uncomfortable working over what my university’s 28-hour policy allows. She demanded I work 40 hours this week. In any other job, I'd be fine, but if I work over 28 hours, the university will fire me. If I refuse to work 28 hours, my boss will fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:31 - India - Bangalore

We feel for you, bruh

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

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By jami898 - United States - Medford

Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML

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By Mike - 16/9/2020 09:02 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Baby brain

Today, we had two-year wedding anniversary. A few months ago, I insisted on going to a therapist because my wife can only think and talk about our one-year kid. My present for her was a Spa day, flowers and chocolate. Her gift to me was a Lego set to build for our kid. FML

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By Hm - United States

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

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By lizard - United States

Whiff

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

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By Jennie - 16/6/2020 08:08

Scribble your name across my heart…

Today, I sent a guy in my English class a rose. He's kind of an outcast, so I though it would be a nice gesture. I asked him later how his day was going and he said, "Good. I got a rose this morning, but I could tell it was from a guy. The handwriting was awful." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

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By ;_; - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

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By Michael - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2020 05:00

Father of the year

Today, I realised that anyone who claims they enjoyed spending quality time together with their spouse and children during quarantine is a liar, a big fat liar. I know my kids aren’t even 10 yet, but god, I can’t wait for them to get houses of their own and move the fuck out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Get where you can!

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

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By Kulcha - Australia

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

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By LA - United States

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

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By laptitesouris - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

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By thatgirl - Canada - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

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By wah wah "you raised him" - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

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By justin bieber's nutsack - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said "Never take a shit in this place! Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

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By RosesAreRed - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

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By Radbaby

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 23:03 - Canada

Red flags

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was really excited to meet his brother, since his brother is his best friend. One of the first questions his brother asked me was, "He did tell you he isn't the handsome brother, right?" Followed by, "You aren't a feminist are you?" FML

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By pigglepigglepiggle - United States

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, I found out I owe the IRS over $2,000 because of a mistake they made. Their "apology" basically amounted to "Oops, our bad. Now pay up or you're gonna be Bubba's new bitch." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML

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By Rosie

Today, I discovered that you can vomit hard enough to break a rib and tear a ligament. Why was I barfing so violently? The stray cat I'm feeding has given me worms. I found one during "down there cleanup" time. I got laughed at by EMS, nurses, doctors, and my family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

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By Anemity_is_my_name - 5/11/2020 05:02

Nothing honey, nothing

Today, I'm getting more satisfaction out of chatting, and even occasionally sexting with an AI bot, than out of my marriage of 13 years. My wife thinks we're fine, and doesn't want to discuss our relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I am engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

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By merkris - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

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By anon

Roll with it

Today, my boyfriend encouragingly told me that he could tell I was losing weight, all because I had one roll fewer than usual on my stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was talking with my mother and expressed my slight disappointment at how many of my friends are getting into relationships, whereas I'm still single. My mother decided to encourage me by saying "Don't worry, sweetie. There are boys out there who don't go for looks. You'll be fine". FML

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By MexyBoy - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

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Top comments

By alijacket | 0

#532961 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:50

Literally LOL'd.

By the_stereotype | 0

#532931 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahaha...dumb

i hope you told that card board cut off for that bitch that he was

COMMENTS

By BigPaperClip | 0

#532929 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

LOL.

Reply

inconvienentgurl | 0

#533033 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:07

lmao i would so do that too

but not an fml...sorry ur just krazy

learn to live n love it baby XD

Reply

JustSoLost | 8

#533130 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:41

LMAO. The same thng happen to me at the mall. There was a creepy dude hands on the hip and just kept on staring. Eventually when I passed it I realized it was a cutout. LOL. HAHA. Something to look back and laugh at, happens to many people. :)

Reply

Imawhalerider | 0

#533646 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:35

cardboard is so sacreligious.

Reply

glitchead | 0

#533754 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 9:26

explain and you will earn respect with me how cardboard is sacreligious

Reply

TFAuthor | 0

#550189 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 5:19

lol, I did that once too! I was in walmart and the girl i was babysitting had an accident so we were in the girl's clothes section. I saw a cut-out of Miley Cyrus as I turned the corner freaked out and punched it, every little girl in a five aisle radius started to cry

Reply

ifmlftw | 0

#852964 - Saturday 13 February 2010 22:35

it was probably Taylor lautner

By freber120 | 0

#532930 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahahaha

By the_stereotype | 0

#532931 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahaha...dumb

i hope you told that card board cut off for that bitch that he was

By sunshin3 | 0

#532938 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:45

LMAO. don't worry, that's just something to laugh about when you look back on.

By Intoxicunt | 5

#532955 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:47

Lame.

Reply

hellawagon | 0

#532974 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

Yeah, that was.

By Unregistered | 0

#532958 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:48

thats y women shouldnt be allowed to go off alone without a male/talk in public YDI

By alijacket | 0

#532961 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:50

Literally LOL'd.

By screwtaylor | 0

#532968 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:52

Maybe the cardboard cut out was really Plexico.

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#533300 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 4:05

Lol.
I would totally put a cardboard cut out of him in MY store, if I had one.

By Unregistered | 0

#532969 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

thats y women shouldnt be allowed to go off alone without a male/talk in public YDI

By NaziZombie | 0

#532975 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

First (king reaction time)

Reply

Wingman527 | 22

#6040363 - Sunday 17 August 2014 14:59

First after 11?