Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters.... - FML

By becca1417 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

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There's no helping some people

Messed up

Peaky Bladders

By anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

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By StopMe

What are you doing?

Today, I went to a hobby lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

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By Derp McShitstain - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

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By niii - France

Today, as I often do, I had a shag in my old car. I am 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we are still living at our parents' house. FML

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By eddie818 - Canada - Sidney

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

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By Celewyn - Australia

Today, my patient knocked my glasses off as I assisted him in the shower. We both looked in terror as they fell into his unflushed toilet. This patient was isolated due to a contagious infection. FML

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By HassledAirfarer - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an inconsiderate selfish bitch. FML

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By Selfish Whiner - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Evesham

Today, my girlfriend decided that having OCD will help her lose weight. She is now convinced that walking in and out of doorways multiple times will burn fat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lincoln

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

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By rejectedmidair - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

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By sisisathief - United States - Concord

Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

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By ZThirteen - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

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By Hahamaster333

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

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By moobysrocks - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2020 02:02 - Singapore - Singapore

Ripped off

Today, I rented a house for 5 years with my girlfriend, only to find out she is the actual owner. FML

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By ShakeRattleHiss - Canada

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

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By tj - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

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By Buzz - France

Today, I was doing a Power Point presentation to the management committee. Outlook Express was still open, and right in the middle of the presentation, a window popped up notifying me of a new message. "Subject: our reply to your application for the post of Marketing Manager". FML

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By SBae - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

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By Sub - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2020 14:02

Boredom

Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

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By staceyymaee - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my new futon mattress arrived. Upon laying it out on the frame, I realized IKEA has whack bed sizings. When I went to return the mattress for a queen, they informed me a queen mattress wouldn't be here until sometime next week. I already threw out my old crappy mattress. FML

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By zombieguyswife - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

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By Nafypoo

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, after having been told that I looked horrible for the last five months, I decided to give myself a make-over. As soon as the make-up artist was done, I told her I didn't like it, and that I still didn't like how I look. She simply replied: ''Well, I'm a make-up artist, not a magician!'' FML

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By kharrington - United States

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

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By clapping_for_you

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

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Top comments

By alijacket | 0

#532961 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:50

Literally LOL'd.

By the_stereotype | 0

#532931 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahaha...dumb

i hope you told that card board cut off for that bitch that he was

COMMENTS

By BigPaperClip | 0

#532929 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

LOL.

Reply

inconvienentgurl | 0

#533033 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:07

lmao i would so do that too

but not an fml...sorry ur just krazy

learn to live n love it baby XD

Reply

JustSoLost | 8

#533130 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:41

LMAO. The same thng happen to me at the mall. There was a creepy dude hands on the hip and just kept on staring. Eventually when I passed it I realized it was a cutout. LOL. HAHA. Something to look back and laugh at, happens to many people. :)

Reply

Imawhalerider | 0

#533646 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:35

cardboard is so sacreligious.

Reply

glitchead | 0

#533754 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 9:26

explain and you will earn respect with me how cardboard is sacreligious

Reply

TFAuthor | 0

#550189 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 5:19

lol, I did that once too! I was in walmart and the girl i was babysitting had an accident so we were in the girl's clothes section. I saw a cut-out of Miley Cyrus as I turned the corner freaked out and punched it, every little girl in a five aisle radius started to cry

Reply

ifmlftw | 0

#852964 - Saturday 13 February 2010 22:35

it was probably Taylor lautner

By freber120 | 0

#532930 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahahaha

By the_stereotype | 0

#532931 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahaha...dumb

i hope you told that card board cut off for that bitch that he was

By sunshin3 | 0

#532938 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:45

LMAO. don't worry, that's just something to laugh about when you look back on.

By Intoxicunt | 5

#532955 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:47

Lame.

Reply

hellawagon | 0

#532974 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

Yeah, that was.

By Unregistered | 0

#532958 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:48

thats y women shouldnt be allowed to go off alone without a male/talk in public YDI

By alijacket | 0

#532961 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:50

Literally LOL'd.

By screwtaylor | 0

#532968 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:52

Maybe the cardboard cut out was really Plexico.

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#533300 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 4:05

Lol.
I would totally put a cardboard cut out of him in MY store, if I had one.

By Unregistered | 0

#532969 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

thats y women shouldnt be allowed to go off alone without a male/talk in public YDI

By NaziZombie | 0

#532975 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

First (king reaction time)

Reply

Wingman527 | 22

#6040363 - Sunday 17 August 2014 14:59

First after 11?