Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters.... - FML

By becca1417 - 1/9/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14697

You deserved it

45180

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Noise

Creepy

By butch - 13/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27254

You deserved it

2367

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9469

You deserved it

24878

Tweet

Share

By ugh - 4/7/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64443

You deserved it

5149

Tweet

Share

By pissedexworker - 18/12/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34834

You deserved it

2399

Tweet

Share

By karina17 - 18/10/2009 05:03 - Canada

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late - he said 'Oh, something came up'. I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34236

You deserved it

2299

Tweet

Share

By Phabia - 21/4/2015 00:16 - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33824

You deserved it

2262

Tweet

Share

By screwedfortheweek - 28/1/2016 23:39 - United States

Today, I started a new job. After being trained on several obscure computer programs I'm expected to use in just one day, my new boss informed me she's going on a week long vacation starting tomorrow. She's the only other person who knows how this program runs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20763

You deserved it

1468

Tweet

Share

By pinkXpress1023 - 8/7/2013 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48014

You deserved it

4966

Tweet

Share

By artsmart1 - 6/3/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28236

You deserved it

2911

Tweet

Share

By badbestfriend - 4/8/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44135

You deserved it

9966

Tweet

Share

By Hahamaster333 - 28/3/2013 01:02

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10780

You deserved it

74813

Tweet

Share

By krisest1988 - 7/5/2016 21:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12611

You deserved it

923

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/10/2015 20:45 - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27916

You deserved it

2197

Tweet

Share

By NoRunning - 17/6/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29290

You deserved it

5103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01

Pick your moments, dude!

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1730

You deserved it

298

Tweet

Share

By Ali (New York) - 24/6/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20209

You deserved it

35980

Tweet

Share

By fuck no! - 19/4/2020 23:00

What are you not getting?

Today, trying to be a little fun and flirty, I asked my husband if he wanted to play strip poker. He replied, "Nah. Not much fun with just two people." Not sure if he’s suggesting swinging or if he's really just that dense to what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1444

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By what even - 14/5/2015 22:17 - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33536

You deserved it

4815

Tweet

Share

By Wetarse - 15/3/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2138

You deserved it

4320

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 15:45 - United States

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28177

You deserved it

3387

Tweet

Share

By firefighter - 8/9/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11097

You deserved it

45178

Tweet

Share

By GOAWAY - 26/12/2014 23:06 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33703

You deserved it

3434

Tweet

Share

By Rajin - 23/3/2009 20:38 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

125578

You deserved it

16822

Tweet

Share

By Sick Guy - 24/3/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

buys case of Listerine

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4822

You deserved it

326

Tweet

Share

By Toothless - 7/10/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32004

You deserved it

6368

Tweet

Share

By alone_forever - 4/3/2009 21:03 - United States

Today, my best friend who I have been secretly in love with forever, was ranting about her ex-girlfriend. Then she said : "If only you were gay, we'd be perfect for each other." So I took the chance to tell her I was. She responded : "Well I am still not attracted to you though." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77686

You deserved it

7815

Tweet

Share

By goodstudent - 9/8/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44542

You deserved it

4633

Tweet

Share

By ... - 29/11/2008 11:50 - France

Today, well actually last night, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You can leave your hat on". When the song was over, I was then completely naked, she says to me : "Maybe we should have closed the shutters!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36430

You deserved it

11913

Tweet

Share

By dirk855 - 18/1/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28328

You deserved it

2313

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/3/2015 18:20 - United States

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34618

You deserved it

3027

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2012 22:06 - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41346

You deserved it

4937

Tweet

Share

By Nicos - 25/12/2008 06:07 - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28811

You deserved it

6186

Tweet

Share

By RR - 11/7/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46375

You deserved it

9938

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 6/6/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49833

You deserved it

5545

Tweet

Share

By bowler - 13/12/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the bowling alley. The manager was busy and asked if I could wait. Let's just say I've never bowled before, and I wanted to know how deep the hole was on the bowling ball. The interview ended with him spitting on my finger, trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7674

You deserved it

33311

Tweet

Share

By bluedevil26 - 3/3/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49437

You deserved it

12559

Tweet

Share

By insideout - 10/5/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30339

You deserved it

127708

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/2/2017 22:00 - United Kingdom - Hull

Not so anal retentive then…

Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8239

You deserved it

712

Tweet

Share

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10414

You deserved it

1410

Tweet

Share

By vron991 - 13/5/2012 05:02 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31403

You deserved it

2706

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By alijacket | 0

#532961 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:50

Literally LOL'd.

By the_stereotype | 0

#532931 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahaha...dumb

i hope you told that card board cut off for that bitch that he was

COMMENTS

By BigPaperClip | 0

#532929 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

LOL.

Reply

inconvienentgurl | 0

#533033 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:07

lmao i would so do that too

but not an fml...sorry ur just krazy

learn to live n love it baby XD

Reply

JustSoLost | 8

#533130 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:41

LMAO. The same thng happen to me at the mall. There was a creepy dude hands on the hip and just kept on staring. Eventually when I passed it I realized it was a cutout. LOL. HAHA. Something to look back and laugh at, happens to many people. :)

Reply

Imawhalerider | 0

#533646 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:35

cardboard is so sacreligious.

Reply

glitchead | 0

#533754 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 9:26

explain and you will earn respect with me how cardboard is sacreligious

Reply

TFAuthor | 0

#550189 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 5:19

lol, I did that once too! I was in walmart and the girl i was babysitting had an accident so we were in the girl's clothes section. I saw a cut-out of Miley Cyrus as I turned the corner freaked out and punched it, every little girl in a five aisle radius started to cry

Reply

ifmlftw | 0

#852964 - Saturday 13 February 2010 22:35

it was probably Taylor lautner

By freber120 | 0

#532930 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahahaha

By the_stereotype | 0

#532931 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:42

hahaha...dumb

i hope you told that card board cut off for that bitch that he was

By sunshin3 | 0

#532938 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:45

LMAO. don't worry, that's just something to laugh about when you look back on.

By Intoxicunt | 5

#532955 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:47

Lame.

Reply

hellawagon | 0

#532974 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

Yeah, that was.

By Unregistered | 0

#532958 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:48

thats y women shouldnt be allowed to go off alone without a male/talk in public YDI

By alijacket | 0

#532961 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:50

Literally LOL'd.

By screwtaylor | 0

#532968 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:52

Maybe the cardboard cut out was really Plexico.

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#533300 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 4:05

Lol.
I would totally put a cardboard cut out of him in MY store, if I had one.

By Unregistered | 0

#532969 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

thats y women shouldnt be allowed to go off alone without a male/talk in public YDI

By NaziZombie | 0

#532975 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:53

First (king reaction time)

Reply

Wingman527 | 22

#6040363 - Sunday 17 August 2014 14:59

First after 11?