Today, I was at my friends house. It was dark and downpouring... - FML

By Anonymous - 8/6/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldnt see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42102

You deserved it

7421

Tweet

Share

DINOSAURS!!

You snooze, you lose

Business savvy

By rene - 22/8/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33755

You deserved it

3338

Tweet

Share

By Hth - 15/1/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

I agree, your life sucks

8982

You deserved it

29704

Tweet

Share

By Cynical - 30/3/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

94868

You deserved it

37005

Tweet

Share

By payne - 4/1/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32614

You deserved it

6150

Tweet

Share

By bb - 3/10/2012 16:19 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22701

You deserved it

1586

Tweet

Share

By not jacked - 20/4/2016 11:35 - United States - East Hartford

Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23006

You deserved it

1536

Tweet

Share

By me - 24/4/2014 15:32 - United States - Paris

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46163

You deserved it

5216

Tweet

Share

By "lk07" - 23/4/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1937

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By hadakanbo - 17/4/2020 05:00

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

Today, after spending weeks collecting almost every star, flag, and stamp of Super Mario 3D World on the Wii U, I was working on the very last of the super bonus levels to get the final 12 of 380 available stars when my five-year-old decided to help. By accidentally deleting the file. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1541

You deserved it

493

Tweet

Share

By llaurenmariee - 4/8/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26317

You deserved it

4197

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 01:22 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

I agree, your life sucks

29015

You deserved it

7326

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/7/2019 06:00

Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1269

You deserved it

391

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24419

You deserved it

3140

Tweet

Share

By allycat - 25/7/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32453

You deserved it

2679

Tweet

Share

By Skankeriffic - 19/2/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7188

You deserved it

30532

Tweet

Share

By STUPID BIRTHDAY - 5/3/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I set up a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

103871

You deserved it

6888

Tweet

Share

By K-9cop - 9/9/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47879

You deserved it

5062

Tweet

Share

By I Have Failed - 2/4/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54009

You deserved it

6567

Tweet

Share

By Nuts - 7/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24545

You deserved it

3113

Tweet

Share

By CalledOut - 2/2/2015 06:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35315

You deserved it

2515

Tweet

Share

By notsick - 17/3/2019 22:00

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2027

You deserved it

179

Tweet

Share

By wtf1234 - 3/5/2011 01:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32768

You deserved it

4367

Tweet

Share

By bitten - 15/5/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28958

You deserved it

2736

Tweet

Share

By theyre not THAT big. - 1/7/2013 04:35 - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47450

You deserved it

3171

Tweet

Share

By kazmatazz - 17/5/2012 10:33 - Oman

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23409

You deserved it

9021

Tweet

Share

By spiteful bitch - 25/7/2020 23:00

Surprise!

Today, my boyfriend’s ex found out I was pregnant. Her logical response was to have her teenage sons jump him as he was coming home from work. Now we’re filling out a police report instead of our baby registry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1412

You deserved it

99

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/7/2012 10:54 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31462

You deserved it

13780

Tweet

Share

By honeybee2487 - 30/8/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak... from the sewage line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31801

You deserved it

2279

Tweet

Share

By Tiana - 29/1/2012 02:34 - Canada

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55092

You deserved it

9201

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2014 22:05 - United States - Littleton

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56383

You deserved it

5167

Tweet

Share

By trixanne - 6/1/2015 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28116

You deserved it

3755

Tweet

Share

By 117halo12345 - 17/12/2015 21:37 - United States - Sedgewickville

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12238

You deserved it

21561

Tweet

Share

By Pelota - 1/7/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52339

You deserved it

5128

Tweet

Share

By nostamp - 10/7/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I rushed to the post office to mail an important document for the study abroad program that I'd applied for, which was due in a few days. Just as the envelope slipped out of my hand and into the mail box, I caught a glimpse of the upper right corner where there was supposed to be a stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18253

You deserved it

39128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 05:32 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

52094

You deserved it

18876

Tweet

Share

By Unlucky - 5/9/2017 16:00

Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped car. I responded with the following: a finger and a "Fuck you!" It was my boss who just wanted to say hi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1714

You deserved it

4704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30005

You deserved it

2771

Tweet

Share

By Smirky - 13/2/2017 02:30 - India - Bangalore

Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6543

You deserved it

1682

Tweet

Share

By geniusdrunk - 9/8/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1316

You deserved it

662

Tweet

Share

By "idefka" - 8/4/2017 02:00

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4440

You deserved it

1794

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By shaPOW | 0

#283539 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:39

You should have looked around your car before you got in to see what was around it. Also, if your instinct is to press down on the gas rather than release it and consider braking, you're not ready to drive alone.

By Damarys | 0

#283498 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:32

another one of those ironic fmls.....

COMMENTS

By noshitsherlock | 0

#283494 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:32

deserve it. Learn how to drive.

By Damarys | 0

#283498 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:32

another one of those ironic fmls.....

By maggy_fml | 0

#283499 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:32

you didn't say first! :D

By deaditegirl | 0

#283504 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:33

YDI. Learn to drive.

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1395710 - Monday 13 September 2010 2:19

she got scared n accidentally stepped on the gas duhh she knows how to drive already

Reply

tucansamTommyG | 12

#6159693 - Thursday 1 January 2015 10:26

#60 she should have checked her surroundings better before backing out if she could not see them properly.

By heavenandhell | 0

#283535 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:38

im not buying it i cant see how you can be scared enough to hit the gas long enough to hit a car. If you had any commun sense you would have realised your accelerating

Reply

robotiick7 | 23

#5800439 - Saturday 21 December 2013 19:33

Common* you're*

By Fluffiness | 0

#283536 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:38

Well then..

By shaPOW | 0

#283539 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:39

You should have looked around your car before you got in to see what was around it. Also, if your instinct is to press down on the gas rather than release it and consider braking, you're not ready to drive alone.

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#283544 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:40

its ok im sure you have a scary ringtone

By LittleMiss1 | 0

#283562 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:44

pussy

By amy_shmamy | 0

#283565 - Monday 8 June 2009 20:46

the irony sucks bro