Miscellaneous: Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday....

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 730

You deserved it 10 487

Miscellaneous

Own it

Triage

Friend's best friend

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 01:56 - United States - Dallas

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 205

You deserved it 1 485

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 181

You deserved it 6 158

By camerashyguy - 20/09/2014 03:14 - United States - Longview

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 827

You deserved it 8 870

By Alice - 24/10/2012 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 218

You deserved it 3 561

By Cristie - 30/09/2011 05:01 - Canada

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 377

You deserved it 3 509

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 01:15 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 347

You deserved it 4 287

By Hatilic_ - 14/06/2019 20:00

Today, my idiot of a boss yelled at me because it's physically impossible for me to be in two places at the same time, and that I'm not a magician. He didn't understand that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 131

By alittlepersonal - 05/10/2012 05:59 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 060

You deserved it 3 073

By motherfuck666 - 18/05/2014 21:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 815

You deserved it 5 474

Giggles McGee

By Shitmetalseller - 02/08/2014 22:37 - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 687

You deserved it 5 104

By DSM - 14/03/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 777

You deserved it 117 270

By mack - 25/10/2009 08:54 - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 7 111

Is that a pass then?

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 11:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I had a piano exam, for which I'd worked hard. I went in, and the examiner asked me to play some scales. I was so nervous, I played 3 octaves and then realised I'd ran out of space. I might have then said, "FUCK!" really loudly… and she heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 11/04/2012 03:49 - United States - Moreland

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 615

You deserved it 2 058

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 633

You deserved it 6 672

By Me - 03/06/2013 05:32 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 359

You deserved it 3 894

By clingmaster - 09/09/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 732

You deserved it 4 649

Sharing is caring

By cpmagnusox - 17/03/2020 08:30

Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 1 180

By mugged - 15/12/2010 11:58 - Germany

Today, I went to the Salvation Army to donate some clothes. As I was handing over the 4 huge bags that I had carried for 10 blocks, while 6 months pregnant, somebody stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 946

You deserved it 3 728

By dogdays - 10/11/2014 01:12 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 875

You deserved it 7 165

By anonymous - 15/06/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 143

By ruvru - 10/04/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 617

You deserved it 4 109

By MoMoneyMoProblems - 07/08/2014 08:23 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 415

You deserved it 5 227

By A bit cowardly? - 19/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 047

You deserved it 1 239

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Crawley

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 802

You deserved it 6 427

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 15:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend informed me via text message that he had moved to Bristol, and the reason he had ignored me the past fortnight was because he didn't know how to tell me. He knew he was moving even before we even got together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 500

You deserved it 2 925

By thechad_144 - 01/06/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 079

You deserved it 52 998

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 02:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 069

You deserved it 5 054

By riddick0846 - 12/12/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 719

You deserved it 13 160

By hannamacintosh - 25/07/2016 14:13 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 803

You deserved it 1 632

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 07:54 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 345

You deserved it 9 978

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 20:42 - United States - Lombard

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 475

You deserved it 5 405

Fright Night

By mzgabbster - 24/10/2010 12:21 - United States

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 127

You deserved it 3 355

By piss off - 08/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 761

You deserved it 3 170

By Anonymous - 11/08/2015 04:39

Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 919

You deserved it 6 382

By 3peeps - 30/12/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 365

You deserved it 3 912

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 21:20 - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 804

You deserved it 51 895

By andimanastudent - 13/04/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 434

You deserved it 67 719

By Anonymous - 06/09/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I went to visit my alcoholic father. He remembered to ask me how my dog Reggie is, but could not remember the name of "my pal." My "pal" is also my wife of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 964

You deserved it 2 386

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Top comments

Woahwut 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:09

It's better than "ASS FACE #1"

Serial 2

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:07

you must talk alot of shit to have that name

bonestructure 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:06

HAHAHAHAHA sorry wow!

Guuurlplease 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 7:04

and?

CrazyDutch 0

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Wednesday 10 November 2010 18:29

ydi for having an assface

route95 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:06

If i don't like someone I save them with names like that. A variety of douchebag, asshole, etc.

ryguy1997 0

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Sunday 28 March 2010 5:18

why would your friends gf have ur #? unless you r/were friends. but by the name I guess not.

pinkfrenchrose 5

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:07

LOL

breenarae25 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 8:53

haha ur #3 too

Jffx 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:07

She is the assface is the story

Serial 2

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:07

you must talk alot of shit to have that name

Chocolate_Chunk 2

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Friday 11 June 2010 13:58

clever

AnneFTW 17

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:07

Hahaha you'd think she wouldn't have given it to you or at least dialed it herself. XD

Woahwut 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:09

It's better than "ASS FACE #1"

ahkit 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:01

hahaha true

manyourlifesucks 0

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 0:31

Smh^

panda_bear511 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:10

Wow... That's pretty shitty... If it was like an inside joke between the two of you that would have been different but that's her being a bitch... Unless you actually did something that with or without you knowing it, put you on her shit list.

ginglederf 6

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Saturday 5 May 2012 19:41

Idk it could be an inside joke between her and someone else, Ik I've done that. One of our friends name was retard on my phone, because that's what me and my other friend call him