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By Still No Ring - / Wednesday 15 June 2016 21:49 / United States - Lisbon
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By  withered  |  23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  Rylai  |  8

I'm a bit torn on this, I used to think the same but my fiance proposed when we were together for 6 months. 4 and a half years later we're still together and everything is perfectly fine.

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  stormy0307  |  10

In Utah 1 month is usually considered acceptable for returned missionaries...I've got a couple friends who got engaged that quick and then married 1-2 months after that. Both are still married 4-5 years later now so more power to them. I personally waited 2.5 years before getting engaged and we aren't going to get married until spring of 2017.

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  withered  |  23

#10 #7 I would never get engaged after only a few months. Especially not if this wasn't some friend I'd at least know a few years and liked them for a long time. This is exactly why the divorce rates are so high, people marry before they even know each other.

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  atomicxsarah  |  16

I agree but I've known a couple who have gotten engaged in 6 months and have had a great marriage so far. I think I would want to be in a relationship at least a year or more first before an engagement.

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  9a_z1  |  11

I had an similar short time before getting engaged, whereas my sister waited around 4 years to get engaged. We're both different people so we did what worked for us and we're both very happy in our relationships. I think it's silly to look down your nose at people who don't conform to your idea of a perfect timescale. Sure I know my husband better now than I did when I married him, but it has only confirmed why I thought he'd make a good partner, unless you can show me peer-reviewed statistics for swift engagements correlating to swift divorces I don't believe it's a disadvantage.

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I agree #11, I think it's way too early to get married too. Statistics wise, the marriages that last the longest are the ones where the couple waits 2yrs before getting married. Studies show, people generally know and understand each other the best after 2yrs, there's less/no unwanted surprises. However, it's unfair to say this is what contributes to the high divorce rate. People in the past used to get married after only a few months, worse than the average wait time for present marriages. The biggest reason divorce rates are so high now compared to other eras, is because people have free will and are actually allowed to get divorced. In the past, divorce for the average person was almost impossible to get, adultery and impotence were the only reasons, not even domestic violence was considered valid, and it took many years to get. 40-50% might mean that 40-50% fail, but it also means 50-60% succeed. I never understood this though, so what if divorces rates are 40-50%, I mean really, why does it matter?

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  chinaski7628  |  32

My brother and sister-in-law moved in together after one month. They got married after four months. They've now been married 22 years. My best friend and her husband got married after being together 11 years. They divorced within a year. I'm not really sure there's a magic number. It depends on the people and the relationship.

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  SpyroMello  |  27

My parents got engaged after a month of dating and now they've been happily married for 25 years with a family. I think it depends on the person because if my boyfriend asked me to marry him after a month id say no because I hardly knew him but now after 6 months, I think I'd be comfortable marrying him. Each couple is different.

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  Comrox  |  18

I've read the best engagement time for a successful marriage is after 2.5 years of dating. Of course everyone's different, but there seems to be potential for more issues within the marriage if a couple doesn't wait long enough to get engaged, or if they wait too long to get engaged.

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I feel like it depends. Most people I've known have ended up engaged around the one year mark, but they were people who didn't know each other before. My husband and I were married four months after we started dating and it was a long distance relationship for most of that because he was stationed two states away. We spent about three weeks of our dating life together. However, he and I had known each other for 7 years by that point. We did everything wrong according to everyone. We got married young, we got married too soon, we eloped, etc. Six years later, we are still happy and neither one of us have ever regretted getting married.

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  Rylai  |  8

#11 I don't feel like it's fair to say it's why divorce rates are so high. In my case I knew my fiance for a few weeks before we started dating during those few weeks I left for about a week and a half, during that we realized how much we needed each other. 6 months later he proposed. These 5 years we've been through enough stuff to test our relationship and it's never been stronger than it is right now. I couldn't imagine ever being with someone other than him at this point.

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some people get married after 1 day and they have better relationships than some people who get married after 5 years. it depends on the people and their relationship with one another

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  sk8erd  |  15

I agree. I would at least wait 2-5 years. maybe more to propose to someone. My parents waited 2 years. 25 years of marriage (I think) still together!

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  cupcakebruh  |  21

It truly just depends on circumstance and how old you are. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 and a half years, but we're only 20. I hope to be engaged relatively soon, but no actual plans of marriage for at least 2 more years (thats when we both graduate college). My dad on the other hand had been dating his now-fiancée for only about a year when he proposed, but they're both in their 40s, have been married and divorced, and both have kids. There's also my sister and her now-husband, she's 23, and he's 26, and he proposed only 6 months after they met, but she was pregnant with his son. My grandma and grandpa were happily married for 44 years. He was 19 and she was 18 when they got married, and they only knew each other for a month. They completely skipped being engaged, and just got married.

By  WCARlover  |  34

Maybe this is the push your boyfriend needs to make a move!

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  withered  |  23

Wth? You should not push someone to propose. Let them propose and marry IF and WHEN they want to. This isn't something you should force people into.

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  WCARlover  |  34

I know, but it's not like OP would be the one pushing. Just saying that it might make her boyfriend wake up a bit and realize it might be time if it's right :p

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  withered  |  23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  Bookworm1315  |  13

Potential marriage is the goal of many relationships. Love, while immensely important, is not the only thing a relationship needs. Sometimes, people aren't together simply because they are at different stages in life. Wanting marriage is like that.

By  doemetoch  |  28

Did the two of you even talk about marriage? Does he know you'd like to get a proposal? If you've been together for such a long time, I can't imagine you haven't discussed this. If he does want to get married, and you feel the time is right, then maybe you shouldn't wait for him to propose, just ask him. If he doesn't have any interest in getting married, then decide if you can live with that, but don't wait for him to change his mind.

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  monkyvirus  |  12

Totally agree, take some control OP! You can't assume that after a certain number of years a guy will marry you and if he doesn't then he doesn't love you or something. He may just not think a wedding is necessary or be averse to the expense. You need to have a serious discussion about this.

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