Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me...

By Steph - 19/08/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 399

Another great day to be alive

The Good Life

Cognitive dissonance

By Nicked - 25/04/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 941

You deserved it 15 771

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 837

You deserved it 3 547

By cbad - 30/01/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 47 960

By sugar baby24 - 28/06/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 6 253

By wnrz - 18/02/2012 20:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 763

You deserved it 4 806

By -1 friend - 17/05/2013 21:16 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 239

You deserved it 14 643

By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 887

You deserved it 4 865

By blahpizzablah - 22/06/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was delivering pizzas for my summer job. I got a big order to deliver for a fellow graduate's party. While I was being paid for the order my friend shows up and says "Don't pay him, his parents are rich, he can handle it." Then they shut the door and took off. The bill was $75. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 521

You deserved it 3 798

By PrincessCrippled - 18/05/2018 15:00

Today, a close friend tried to kill me by running me over with her car. Why? Because I didn't want to share the pain meds I had due to a third-degree burn. My leg is now broken in 3 places, my ankle is shattered, and I have to use a walker because I'm too clumsy for crutches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 023

You deserved it 300

My Humps

By nix1993 - 19/10/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 222

By Mayrose125 - 29/11/2016 07:32

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 714

You deserved it 767

By mnote - 23/10/2014 15:56 - United States - Sapulpa

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 266

You deserved it 2 902

By WearingOff - 03/08/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 650

You deserved it 26 990

Herd immunity, quick

By Anonymous - 28/11/2021 20:01 - United States - Chappaqua

Today, Covid started when I was a freshmen in highschool. I'm now halfway through my Junior year and I still haven't experienced any normal high school events or traditions. I'm going to graduate without experiencing anything. Now we have a new variant… again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 134

By bezoar10 - 11/05/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 234

You deserved it 11 267

By sorry :/ - 08/02/2015 18:28 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 978

You deserved it 2 991

By Missy - 02/02/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 080

You deserved it 17 202

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 781

You deserved it 5 383

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 313

You deserved it 6 550

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 658

You deserved it 35 086

By BoohooBouquet - 19/03/2017 14:00

Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 627

You deserved it 459

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 579

You deserved it 5 808

Judgmental

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 11:01

Today, I just had an argument with my father. He claimed that if a woman is covered in tattoos, it's quite clear that she's a whore. He said so in front of my girlfriend, who has tattoos all over her arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 14/07/2011 08:40 - Austria

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 887

You deserved it 2 839

By Anonymous - 29/12/2018 10:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I found out my 8th period science teacher got fired. Our final is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 186

You deserved it 314

By Finding Kemo - 16/04/2016 19:12 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 420

You deserved it 2 145

By Anonyme - 16/05/2014 07:55 - Canada - Saint-jean-de-matha

Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 845

You deserved it 9 787

By rescuetheduck - 10/04/2012 19:26 - Finland - Joensuu

Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 7 247

Logic

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 04:01

Today, according to my boyfriend, it’s not cheating if he doesn’t love the other woman, so if it’s just sex, it’s not cheating and I shouldn’t be upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 428

You deserved it 3 383

By poorman - 18/11/2013 22:14 - United States - Derwood

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 899

You deserved it 10 302

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 305

You deserved it 11 651

By justmyluck - 26/08/2011 05:28 - Australia

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 380

You deserved it 9 986

By StungAlot - 19/06/2012 10:32 - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 326

You deserved it 2 719

By Mikaela - 01/06/2012 03:25 - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 844

You deserved it 31 290

By Jimbo - 25/05/2010 09:29 - United States

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 271

You deserved it 2 788

By doctorsandnurses - 13/01/2012 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 653

You deserved it 4 560

By iLikeMyLegs - 09/05/2013 23:18 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 467

You deserved it 2 654

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 778

You deserved it 5 255

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 20:03 - United States

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 439

You deserved it 2 907

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Top comments

staaacey 30

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Monday 19 August 2019 2:12

I'd like someone sticking up for me. are you sure he was weird and not just trying to help?

jojimugo 20

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Monday 19 August 2019 2:09

Not all hero’s wear a cape

jojimugo 20

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Monday 19 August 2019 2:09

Not all hero’s wear a cape

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 19 August 2019 21:38

Yes, but all *heroes* know how to spell and punctuate the plural so you don't confuse it with the possessive.

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

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Monday 19 August 2019 22:28

actually most don't,

jbuckets_404 38

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Wednesday 21 August 2019 20:16

Now, now, Richard! Don't start going all possessive now on trying to be the sole Grammar Nazi here on this FML pg.... Smh ;-) Yes, I know irritating it is to continually see misspellings online despite our civilization's many great technological advances, but we minders of all things literary still need to allow for people's use of mobile Auto-(In)Correct if us "edumakated" ones are to preserve what little sanity & normal blood pressure we still have. Just a thawt, Puddy Tat. ;-)

staaacey 30

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Monday 19 August 2019 2:12

I'd like someone sticking up for me. are you sure he was weird and not just trying to help?

Memnoc 26

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Monday 19 August 2019 22:20

Or for that matter, that they were even talking about OP. Maybe the "weird dude" does have a daughter, who just happened to be 5 meters away?

jbuckets_404 38

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Wednesday 21 August 2019 20:26

Yea, it's one thing to simply make a point by embarrassing a young "punk" for making a sexist remark with a single retort, but to send down an on-going deluge of recrimination sounds like somebody else is in need of counseling and/or meds....

staaacey 30

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Wednesday 21 August 2019 20:40

possibly. but I'm not sure what OP would consider "quite a while".. it could have been just a minute of this guy letting them know why that was uncalled for. I'd probably still buy the guy a beer for getting people away from me, considering it weirds me out and makes me uncomfortable when this happens. maybe the guys shouting at women need some meds too :)

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 19 August 2019 2:27

What's the problem? Some guy stopped you from getting catcalled, and that makes him weird? Because he pretended to be your dad to scare them off? Or because you like getting catcalled, and this guy ruined your fun? It was a pretty clever idea, really. He knew they were more likely to back off if he said he was your dad, as opposed to revealing he was a random member of the public. It might have been awkward, but it worked, so be happy. Unless you liked it.

Miss_Red 17

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 6:27

No woman actually likes being catcalled or sexually harrassed in public.

tounces7 27

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Wednesday 21 August 2019 8:06

So you know how every single woman in the world thinks?

jbuckets_404 38

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Wednesday 21 August 2019 20:35

Tounces7, there's a big difference between being catcalled with a sleazy, sexist remark from a stranger vs. the same by a guy friend in jest. So yea, she can speak for all women of the world when it comes to sexually-based disparagement (from both genders). Cuz' she is a woman (unlike us two) who has to put up with all of the sh*t said & done by dumb-ass sexist men everywhere she goes, just like every other woman in the world. Shalom!

Shawnie Gallant 24

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Monday 19 August 2019 2:28

It sounds like he was saving you from being cat called and potentially destroying your risk for being assaulted. I would have bought that guy something as a thanks.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 19 August 2019 3:24

He was either a hero or a really clever perv! What was his ulterior motive: to defend an innocent girl or to get ... dat ass ... for himself?

PenguinPal3017 19

Monday 19 August 2019 4:12

This dude was helping you and you call him weird? smh. Next time I hope he joins in with them.

bl3ur0z3 17

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Monday 19 August 2019 5:42

That's actually kind of sweet. He saw a young woman being harassed by a group of guys and stepped in.

Nhayaa 21

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Monday 19 August 2019 6:07

You meant "awesome", not "weird", right? Because if more men were that weird, less women would be harassed or raped.

Leviathene 34

Monday 19 August 2019 6:13

^^^ THIS

Mellissa Maxwell 7

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Monday 19 August 2019 8:50

Oh my god stfu.. Cat calling doesn't equal that she'd be raped, god damn. Can't someone with a normal sex drive lift a girl's spirits up? For all these StRoNg independent women, why do you need not her man to save you? Be proactive. Carry a taser, mace, or other self defense item and pull it out it if you verbally telling them to fuck off turns physical.

faifai_fml 21

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Monday 19 August 2019 17:37

SeXuAl hArAsSMeNT LIftS mY SpiRiTs Up!

Miss_Red 17

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 6:28

yeah!! i love being sexually harrassed in public.. said no woman ever.

alycion 38

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Monday 19 August 2019 9:43

I know in today’s social environment it’s not too common, but the term is not weirdo, it is good citizen. Maybe he paid attention to how people are being treated and decided to do his part.