Friends, Birthday, Dogs and Animals: Priorities - FML

Priorities

By natashamilan - 26/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 634

You deserved it 2 810

Friends Birthday Dogs Animals

Compromises

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Panic

By ywouldudomelikethat - 03/01/2016 20:02 - United States - Renton

Spicy

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 505

You deserved it 4 552

By June - 05/10/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 753

You deserved it 8 773

By whitefox123 - 20/09/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 497

You deserved it 45 432

By passedout - 14/07/2017 05:00

Today, I got my blood drawn for a donation and they didn't warn me that I was borderline anemic. I passed out in the middle of Walgreens and woke up to people just standing there, staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 513

You deserved it 463

By meaganlea - 23/02/2010 05:17 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 871

You deserved it 6 063

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 839

You deserved it 3 310

By Anonymous - 22/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, the maintenance man for my apartment “fixed” my toilet from constantly running. Now it won’t flush. I learned this after I took a huge dump. My boyfriend was over to spend the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 232

Zoomers zooming

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 08:08

Spicy

Today, I was blowing my husband when we heard that distinctive shutter noise, and we realised our daughter had taken a photo of us. Apparently, she meant to take a video because she knows a website where any kind of "spying on people having sex" video will earn her $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 434

You deserved it 673

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 956

You deserved it 1 386

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss's daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 3 368

Contradictions everywhere

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 134

By quinndulgent - 29/11/2015 21:10 - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 230

You deserved it 1 952

By sad_unicorn - 31/07/2016 04:51

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 631

You deserved it 1 218

By mer - 08/02/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 863

You deserved it 4 140

By EwwGross - 31/08/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 466

You deserved it 1 936

Ace of Spades

By Simon Edhouse - 13/09/2021 09:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 183

Cheesy delight

By blew it - 05/06/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 167

You deserved it 345

By dumbblonde - 06/08/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 250

You deserved it 62 215

By Anonymous - 24/11/2015 13:17 - United States - Westborough

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them sent me a screenshot of an error message on a porn site, asking if I was having the same problem. I guess I wasn't being so quiet after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 156

You deserved it 6 830

By lonesomegal - 30/01/2015 18:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 319

You deserved it 2 568

Dumpster Fire Boyfriend

By Wowseriously - 18/09/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 655

You deserved it 5 222

By Ew?Really? - 04/08/2014 05:42 - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 001

You deserved it 4 970

By junkie - 18/12/2012 18:28 - Belgium - Antwerp

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 105

You deserved it 64 244

By Anonymous - 18/03/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 099

You deserved it 3 989

By Gw - 28/10/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 102

You deserved it 2 868

By EwwEwwEww - 19/02/2017 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 786

You deserved it 441

By prostate - 08/06/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 165

You deserved it 7 023

By ReallyNow - 01/09/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 999

You deserved it 3 005

By Terri-Lynn - 30/05/2012 20:25 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 4 397

By Becky - 21/08/2009 23:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 674

You deserved it 9 440

By bad date - 13/06/2012 04:42 - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 267

You deserved it 3 707

Break it off

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my fiancée wishes she'd never said yes when I proposed, as she is in love with another man and has been hiding their relationship for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 263

You deserved it 11 237

Yummy

By EwwwwYuck - 03/08/2020 02:02

Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 312

By yif2 - 16/05/2015 11:47 - United States

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 005

You deserved it 5 670

By davy0540 - 30/11/2014 06:09 - United States

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 968

You deserved it 9 793

By SebastianMiko - 09/11/2012 07:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 968

You deserved it 2 297

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 444

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 79

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Top comments

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

Maybe she didn't hear you right? If not then maybe you shouldn't be around such negative people, sorry for you loss

Ajwc95 23

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

A real friend would comfort you and not be so selfish. Sorry for your loss OP.

Comments

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

Maybe she didn't hear you right? If not then maybe you shouldn't be around such negative people, sorry for you loss

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

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Thursday 26 February 2015 11:08

Even if she didn't, she clearly seems more concerned about the gift than OP's presence to the party. That doesn't speak highly of her.

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Thursday 26 February 2015 11:12

I think by the time it took to post this FML she would have been able to confirm with her friend "huh, did you hear what I just said mate"

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Friday 27 February 2015 2:28

Priorities you have to have you’re priorities right. Sounds like a person that needs to be on the bottom of friend’s list.

YourOpinionSucks 22

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Friday 27 February 2015 8:58

I agree, you don't need to be around people like that. I'd have taken her gift back and got a refund (if it were a gift card, you can bet your ass I'd use it on myself)

Ajwc95 23

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

A real friend would comfort you and not be so selfish. Sorry for your loss OP.

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:50

Auwtch xD however close friends can get away with that as a sarcastic comment

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:56

I don't think they meant it as sarcastic, and if I had a close friend, I sure as hell wouldn't want them to make an insensitive joke at such a loss

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Thursday 26 February 2015 11:00

I do not agree. My pets are my babies, and I would be really upset from a comment like that.. Especially from my close friends!

brittaaany_93 38

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Thursday 26 February 2015 16:20

If a friend said something that insensitive to me, no matter how close they were to me, I'd throat punch them. No questions asked. Friends are suppose to be caring and supportive.

itcomesinthrees 10

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:04

Nope. Anyone who says something like that in that situation is a douche. Not the time to be sarcastic.

MrDonSalvetti 27

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:50

What an insensitive and coldhearted monster! I'm sorry for your loss OP! :(

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:52

Don't worry about it OP. Just shrug it off, save your energy for your family at this sad time :(

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Thursday 26 February 2015 19:34

Yup. I would've pretended not to hear the remark and just head home. I wouldn't give a shit about their gift.

A07 48

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:53

'Don't you mean ex-friend' comments coming soon.

booze_n_bitches 35

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:56

Console yourself slightly by keeping the gift, at least. So so sorry for your loss, don't waste your emotional energy thinking about that friend.

skellingtonfart 18

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Thursday 26 February 2015 10:58

If I were you, I would've given, taking the gift home with me, a thought. Pets are family, some people just don't understand.

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Thursday 26 February 2015 11:01

It's a dog, get over it.

skellingtonfart 18

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Thursday 26 February 2015 11:04

Ew, you're one of those people.

KinkyMissBinky 23

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Thursday 26 February 2015 12:08

Fyl Op, should have said no and then maybe give her a gift when she isn't being so insensitive. That is if you still want to be friends with her.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 113

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 95