Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from...

By natashamilan - 26/2/2015 01:43 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

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Animals

Doomed

Boom, headshot

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By dwood08 - 7/11/2014 01:55 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 08:02 - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

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By SezzyJ - 2/10/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

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By MissQ - 20/6/2020 17:01

That's a great look!

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

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By ... - 27/7/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

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By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head

Nerf bullets

Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML

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By bad luck Bianca - 17/1/2015 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

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By taintedlover - 13/5/2014 21:31 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

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By gabby - 24/2/2012 23:01 - United States

Today, I dolled myself up and hit the campus gym, hoping to leave with a cute boy's number. I left in a stretcher. FML

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By crazy cat lady - 3/12/2014 23:24 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

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By KingUrge - 26/4/2013 08:36 - United States - Victorville

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

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By Hard in flip flops - 21/1/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2009 07:24 - South Africa

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

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By Invisible - 8/12/2010 21:55 - Canada

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2019 06:43

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2012 17:12 - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

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By lonely - 23/8/2011 16:49 - United States

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 16:21 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refereeing a soccer match and I called a foul. An angry coach kept screaming at me, saying "You're crazy!" I asked him to leave the field. As he left, he lifted his middle finger and screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I ref 5-year-olds. FML

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By PillPopperApparently - 20/12/2018 12:00

Today, after constantly shaming me for my ADHD and anti-anxiety pills, my family finally convinced me to drop $250 on their trusted psychiatrist friend because they thought he’d talk me out of taking them. He recommended higher doses of everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 08:08

Forever alone

Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML

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By mylifesucks123 - 3/5/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. When I was approaching a stop sign, I look next to me and see a guy with a triangle shaped head. I tell my son "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML

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By sos - 17/1/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 03:30

Today, I finally found out why I got a D in a class last semester. It was a heavily attendance-based class, and apparently he only marked you present if you participated in class discussion. It was a 100-seat lecture. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 11:01 - United States - Rockaway Park

Credibility loss

Today, I was promoted to vice president of my company. I gave a speech explaining how I intended to run things more transparently. When I bent down to pick up my folder, my pants split. Somebody said, "Powerpuff girls panties. Transparent indeed." FML

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By rr - 15/8/2011 15:55 - Canada

Today, I started my job as an assistant to a beekeeper. I forgot to put gloves on, and got stung like crazy. My hands swelled up to the size of baseball gloves. Turns out, I'm allergic to bees. FML

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By IBleedArbor - 16/2/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "no that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 23:00

Zedonging intensifies

Today, I went downstairs to complain to my landlady that there was no water when I was trying to wash my hair. To which she replied, "No, of course there is water, it's just all going into my swimming pool." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2014 22:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

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By anonymous - 1/2/2016 06:07 - Canada

Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML

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By twiggy24 - 5/2/2012 02:51 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2017 20:00

Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 19:26 - United States - Grandville

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

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By randomjulz - 16/6/2011 03:53 - United States

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After saying no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

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By life_isnt_fair - 9/3/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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By fuckyouverymuch - 13/6/2013 10:16 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

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By PoorForever - 28/2/2016 13:53 - Australia - Heritage Park

Today, after meticulously rereading my application, merging references, budgets, academic transcripts and itineraries for an amazing scholarship, I clicked submit, only to remember that the system was on Daylight Savings time, which we don't have in my state! I missed out on $2,500 by 3 minutes. FML

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By ColdFoot - 3/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

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By Bex - 20/1/2017 16:00

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

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Top comments

By iwanttogotoparis | 26

#6214711 - Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

Maybe she didn't hear you right? If not then maybe you shouldn't be around such negative people, sorry for you loss

By Ajwc95 | 23

#6214712 - Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

A real friend would comfort you and not be so selfish. Sorry for your loss OP.

COMMENTS

By iwanttogotoparis | 26

#6214711 - Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

Maybe she didn't hear you right? If not then maybe you shouldn't be around such negative people, sorry for you loss

fleur_de_fevrier_fml | 22

#6214741 - Thursday 26 February 2015 11:08

Even if she didn't, she clearly seems more concerned about the gift than OP's presence to the party. That doesn't speak highly of her.

fifi125 | 21

#6214746 - Thursday 26 February 2015 11:12

I think by the time it took to post this FML she would have been able to confirm with her friend "huh, did you hear what I just said mate"

gobiteme2 | 34

#6215282 - Friday 27 February 2015 2:28

Priorities you have to have you’re priorities right. Sounds like a person that needs to be on the bottom of friend’s list.

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6215485 - Friday 27 February 2015 8:58

I agree, you don't need to be around people like that. I'd have taken her gift back and got a refund (if it were a gift card, you can bet your ass I'd use it on myself)

By Ajwc95 | 23

#6214712 - Thursday 26 February 2015 10:47

A real friend would comfort you and not be so selfish. Sorry for your loss OP.

By FemskyD | 26

#6214716 - Thursday 26 February 2015 10:50

Auwtch xD however close friends can get away with that as a sarcastic comment

meli1195 | 31

#6214727 - Thursday 26 February 2015 10:56

I don't think they meant it as sarcastic, and if I had a close friend, I sure as hell wouldn't want them to make an insensitive joke at such a loss

masoko_fml | 21

#6214731 - Thursday 26 February 2015 11:00

I do not agree. My pets are my babies, and I would be really upset from a comment like that.. Especially from my close friends!

brittaaany_93 | 38

#6214945 - Thursday 26 February 2015 16:20

If a friend said something that insensitive to me, no matter how close they were to me, I'd throat punch them. No questions asked. Friends are suppose to be caring and supportive.