Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with... - FML

By nickname - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Zoom this, bitches!

Genius, definitely

By sammyducks227 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

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By asdfghjkl_12 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

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By fml9124 - 19/2/2021 19:58

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

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By larry_richard - United States

April Fool

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

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By Heartbroken - United States

She's got it going on!

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

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By MJB

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

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By Tom Riddle - Philippines

Today, I was about to go out and get some groceries, but the moment I slammed the door I realized my keys were still inside. My inner caveman instincts told me to immediately break down the door, so now I have to get a doorknob replacement instead of food. FML

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By WeezysBaby - Canada

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

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By Anonymous

Jedi mind trick

Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML

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By Takuma - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

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By polemania - United States

Today, I had an employee come in 20 minutes late with the excuse, "There's a Pokemon gym across the street!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

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By

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

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By sadandmad - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

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By "Growlithe1395"

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

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By hating my life - United States

Today, I managed to accidentally drop an entire cake on my laptop's keyboard. There's so much frosting stuck under the keys, I have no idea how I'm going to clean it out. FML

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By are these people even HUMAN? - United States - Bristol

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

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By Anonymous - Europe

Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML

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By snitchovich - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mother in-law's flight home is canceled, and that she's staying three more days. FML

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By jroberts

Today, I was watching TV in my living room while my wife was cooking. I began to smell the aroma of her potato soup, which made me hungry. Suddenly, I realized that the smell wasn't my wife's cooking but was in fact my body odor. FML

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By ElizaWy

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

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By Chris - United States

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

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By cagel - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

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By bastardchild_01 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

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By N/A - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Taylors

Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML

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By suspended - Australia

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

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By akimbojuju - United States

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

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By Julissa - 25/2/2021 00:30

Asshat

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

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By Jedi - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

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By DeepCleanAcne

Irony

Today, I found out that my intense acne is actually an allergic reaction to the "deep clean" product I've been using to reduce it. I've been using this product for the past ten years. Ten years of suffering through "acne" could have been easily avoided. FML

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Top comments

By Bloodknight | 22

#562545 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:24

You did nothing wrong. That bitch just needs to learn how to do her makeup or get some plastic surgery.

By timtam24 | 0

#562553 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:28

struggling to see how you could confuse cake with make-up

suppose that's why they call them cake faces

COMMENTS

By rukusrazor | 0

#562535 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

notcoolperson | 0

#564332 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 9:13

You suck, you can't even use the appropriate language. "your are".

Reply

marleytooyou | 0

#944912 - Sunday 14 March 2010 5:58

how do u know if he is a virgin (stalker)

Reply

JacksonCampbell | 9

#2248416 - Sunday 27 March 2011 9:54

Due to OP's amazing way with the ladies, one could safely assume OP is a virgin. 'Nuff said.

Reply

matthew3 | 2

#4807800 - Monday 13 August 2012 14:44

And this is why you're an illiterate moron.

By my_fml_account | 2

#562543 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:23

this isnt really an FML. Its an FML for that cake-makeup girl

Reply

violentturtle | 0

#562715 - Monday 14 September 2009 18:32

He didn't really say it, he just thought it.

Reply

taylipn | 0

#562752 - Monday 14 September 2009 19:16

"Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?". She said no..."

he obviously SAID it

Reply

liamkilcoyne | 0

#1033870 - Thursday 17 June 2010 18:09

that girl woulda been a close friend to be at his party though. so maybe she thinks he's s cock

Reply

lilmiszaliin | 0

#1425604 - Sunday 19 September 2010 7:15

yeah.

Reply

AlexisJewell | 2

#2802480 - Saturday 2 July 2011 4:28

He never said it was his party, he was at someone else's party.

By Bloodknight | 22

#562545 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:24

You did nothing wrong. That bitch just needs to learn how to do her makeup or get some plastic surgery.

Reply

blargity | 0

#564271 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 7:52

plastic surgery is worse than make up but they both suck anyway
i guess she must have really had it caked on, huh?

Reply

chiddy_bang71 | 0

#3012088 - Monday 1 August 2011 3:41

Lol caked on. Puns r funny.

By timtam24 | 0

#562553 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:28

struggling to see how you could confuse cake with make-up

suppose that's why they call them cake faces

Reply

Witchcraft_fml | 4

#562781 - Monday 14 September 2009 19:55

Agreed. You'd have to be a complete idiot to leave clumps of make-up on your face. So unless it was dark foundation which looked like chocolate icing, I don't see how make-up could look like clumpy cake.

By TheOtherNewest1 | 6

#562562 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:35

That's a fail. Good job.

Still, who knows what she looked like. She could have just been THAT ugly.

By Fredzter | 0

#562566 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:38

GOO YOU! Some chicks needs to chill with the make-up, it looks cheap.

By Calaura9 | 0

#562573 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:43

Ha ha, I can't believe her makeup was so bad that you made that mistake.

By mosarmini | 0

#562574 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:43

Was this a costume party by any chance? she mightve been trying to pass off as joker

By xCrackerx | 3

#562576 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:44

You met Lady Gaga? Incredible!

Reply

Witchcraft_fml | 4

#562822 - Monday 14 September 2009 20:13

Win

By nirvan5a | 1

#562577 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:46

ahahahaha