Health: Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard...

By Jesska - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

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Health

BO Central

Family values

Medicare for all, please

By annabellatrix - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

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30471

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By hugs511 - United States

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

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52478

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By John - Australia

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

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30392

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By anon - United States - La Puente

Awkward conversation

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

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2435

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By Anonymous - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

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45678

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By kaheera4 - United States

Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML

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By racist - United States

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

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20168

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By Brokenheartz - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Happy Valentine's Day anyway

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's Day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday." He works in a bank and helps "capitalistic consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

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By epicsquishii - United States - Riverbank

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

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31818

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By Loner_Lou - United Kingdom - London

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

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41291

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By MaddyN - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

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46530

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By fistycunt4 - United States - Belmont

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

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34181

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By Danielle - 2/8/2020 08:08

Crushed

Today, I was disassembling a tent after a week of camping when I felt a crunch under my bare foot. I lifted up the tarp I was standing on to find a now squashed mouse. Mice are my favorite animals, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go camping again. FML

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1240

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

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57852

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By rhunter17

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33749

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10534

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By Nighty-nitrogen - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

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11427

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1825

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By minty - United States

Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today". I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30504

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By EverettA - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

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34005

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By mickstinator - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

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43184

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By sandiego - United States

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

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32723

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

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9196

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By AngerManagement - United Kingdom

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11490

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By BagelShmear - United States

Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML

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32048

You deserved it

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By NotInTheRightPlace - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

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40989

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By Charity Taylor

Some pain, no gain

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

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1429

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124

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By Badhairday - Canada - Whitby

Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML

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30669

You deserved it

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By shit... - United States

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45849

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By Anonymous

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

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4076

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262

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By Overflow - United States

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16223

You deserved it

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By Handblocked

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3252

You deserved it

578

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By dasbooot - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

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87586

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By where's the epipen - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

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9738

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By Oh - United States - Winterville

Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19910

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

104396

You deserved it

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By insurance lies - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49433

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By Dr. Jack - United States

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40156

You deserved it

2184

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By rosmaizura - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

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27345

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By Anonymous

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

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42529

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

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30237

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Top comments

By SeduceRecycle | 0

#1346306 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:18

 Nooooooo good.

By YupImBack | 0

#1346335 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:22

shit happens

COMMENTS

By SeduceRecycle | 0

#1346306 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:18

 Nooooooo good.

livelaughlove22 | 0

#1346348 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:24

oh wow IDIOT!

Sydknee | 8

#1346356 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:25

the only thing I can say is, FYL.

Hevzy | 0

#1346370 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:26

definitely not good but you should her been looking where you were going! tut tut tut x

A_50cal_goes | 0

#1346404 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:29

BOOM Headshot!!!

unidentified_sta | 5

#1346409 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:29

Squirted right into your eye???
... Hawt

KarinaLizeth18 | 5

#1346443 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:33

lmao shame^ hahaha

buzz18 | 7

#1346479 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:41

lol at #19, but sucks bro

tweetbaby14 | 17

#1346509 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:50

YDI for pointing it at your eye.

MarkerofMagic | 0

#1346637 - Saturday 4 September 2010 0:29

where were you applying it making it shoot into your eye o.o

NuyoRicanGirl | 3

#1346777 - Saturday 4 September 2010 1:15

that sucks op fyl LMAO

Brittney_E | 0

#1347049 - Saturday 4 September 2010 1:41

hah. sounds like something i'd do Xp

wintamint101 | 7

#1347162 - Saturday 4 September 2010 1:53

no need to get rid of that icy hot

Stupified | 0

#1347422 - Saturday 4 September 2010 2:32

What's icy hot?

MissChelle79 | 0

#1347583 - Saturday 4 September 2010 3:02

wow... really?

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1347910 - Saturday 4 September 2010 3:53

48- it's a product that is used on sore body parts. first being it's really cold an then after 5 min it turns hot to dull the pain away.

residentZERO | 0

#1348267 - Saturday 4 September 2010 5:05

i see hot! u see hot! u can't see because of icy/hot! FYL! :(

chris_42 | 11

#1348376 - Saturday 4 September 2010 5:22

Did your eye feel icy and then hot?

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1348416 - Saturday 4 September 2010 5:34

comment moded!! lol but for real of ur an idiot! who dose this??

ianbennett123 | 0

#1348708 - Saturday 4 September 2010 6:46

ydi for sqeezing too hard

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1349089 - Saturday 4 September 2010 8:17

That shit BURNS. Sooo much.

ladykat | 0

#1349121 - Saturday 4 September 2010 8:28

62 - love your photo!

turtlemansam | 6

#1349198 - Saturday 4 September 2010 9:00

I MODDED THIS!!!!

residentZERO | 0

#1349557 - Saturday 4 September 2010 10:09

76 - why thank u! :x

Prodigy7 | 4

#1349790 - Saturday 4 September 2010 12:11

OP, did the slamming part help make your eye feel better?

alsnyder12 | 0

#1350741 - Saturday 4 September 2010 16:31

how does one run in agony? stated as is, the op's reaction to feeling agony is to randomly run. hmm

RochelleRedvines | 8

#3948866 - Friday 27 January 2012 3:37

See, that's why you aim AWAY from your face.

By mexicanswim | 0

#1346320 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:19

I had a similar situation

bravesfan112233 | 0

#1346631 - Saturday 4 September 2010 0:28

icy hot makes me horny

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1348462 - Saturday 4 September 2010 5:47

2: As did I, but with Capzasin(sp?). Not fun. >_<

pandemic_fml | 0

#1350502 - Saturday 4 September 2010 15:45

My aunt put some on her knee, which rubbed off on her clothes when she went to the bathroom, which then went places that IcyHot should never go.

By AudaciouslyInsan | 0

#1346322 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:19

Wow, jeez OP. You need to learn to calm yourself in serious situations like that. Yeah it's scary but it can make things worse if you freak out. FYL

Kyousho | 0

#1346353 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:24

agreed

atomicwedgie4u | 0

#1347272 - Saturday 4 September 2010 2:11

& clearly did for op as proven with the red eye & concussion.

By YupImBack | 0

#1346335 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:22

shit happens

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#1347650 - Saturday 4 September 2010 3:13

Which creates a domino effect of other shit happening

randomguy1millon_fml | 0

#2537385 - Friday 20 May 2011 6:08

Which makes it shitteyer

By acrostice | 0

#1346337 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:23

hope you're okay now!

By colleen2920 | 0

#1346339 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:23

retard. ydi for not having common sense

WTSchool | 0

#1348428 - Saturday 4 September 2010 5:41

Well what'd you go slamming your face into the faucet for?!

tandem123 | 6

#3398258 - Friday 7 October 2011 0:16

I really don't appreciate your use of "retard" as a derogatory term. Thank you.

By Yekutiel | 7

#1346343 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:24

crappy

By Jessi_the_sexii | 0

#1346367 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:26

put some icy heat on the bruise on your face from the faucet..

By remy3106 | 10

#1346378 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:27

were u applying the IcyHot on ur face? Because I don't see how it woul get into your eye any other way

By banana_pancakes1 | 0

#1346382 - Friday 3 September 2010 23:27

oww sucks to be you