Health: Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 54

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 143

03/09/2010 19:59

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 170

You deserved it 7 059

Health

Hiding from the drama

Our house, in the middle of our street

Put your back into it

24/10/2009 04:49

Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 437

You deserved it 4 423

03/08/2011 16:46

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 187

You deserved it 3 218

24/07/2010 09:49

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 571

You deserved it 7 868

Nutritious

By Anonymous - 19/07/2020 17:01

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 257

07/06/2010 19:27

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 344

You deserved it 6 709

11/09/2015 01:59

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 400

You deserved it 21 450

Incognito IRL

By Stressed out mom - 07/03/2018 01:30

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 808

You deserved it 3 067

06/03/2012 00:43

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 768

You deserved it 8 542

02/07/2016 23:27

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 266

You deserved it 3 243

29/05/2016 20:06

Today, I tried to get my son off of the couch by turning off the wifi. Afterward, I went to watch tv. Turns out he got me back by turning off the cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 889

You deserved it 6 475

24/12/2009 10:06

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 653

You deserved it 47 045

Talk is cheap

By Tris - 12/09/2019 16:00

Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 1 986

28/09/2014 19:26

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 941

You deserved it 4 304

13/12/2012 08:31

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 414

You deserved it 1 922

Hush

By bitchyhiccups - 19/03/2012 13:14

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 278

You deserved it 4 485

22/12/2015 13:08

Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 542

You deserved it 1 670

06/09/2015 20:11

Today, my neighbor pointed to me and said to his best friend, "This motherfucker still lives with his mama. That's why he can't get no pussy." I'm thirty. My neighbor is eleven, and correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 690

You deserved it 7 988

22/08/2018 06:00

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 413

You deserved it 876

27/06/2009 10:11

Today, I found out that a co-worker of mine that I had originally hired, trained, and mentored to work in my department for the past 4 years had just got the promotion that I had applied for. He is now my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 870

You deserved it 5 416

04/12/2009 05:12

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 706

You deserved it 3 226

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 1 782

22/05/2013 14:51

Today, I awoke from a dream that I'd found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 181

You deserved it 10 810

I hate my life

By Anonymous - 08/04/2021 17:00

Today, I woke up and remembered that I'm in law school. Now, I'm about to go to sleep, and I'm still in law school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 907

03/05/2009 23:22

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306 261

You deserved it 20 760

05/04/2015 22:19

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 584

You deserved it 2 614

16/07/2012 06:04

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 210

You deserved it 36 130

24/05/2019 04:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 520

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 264

You deserved it 6 005

01/02/2014 07:47

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 223

You deserved it 3 984

09/05/2009 04:43

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 160

You deserved it 273 923

12/02/2011 04:02

Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 475

You deserved it 4 037

01/04/2013 11:57

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 623

You deserved it 6 713

18/12/2012 22:02

Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 806

You deserved it 30 462

08/08/2019 12:00

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 139

23/06/2017 04:00

Today, I asked my friend to hand in my homework for me since I have tonsillitis. She thought it would be funny to draw a big heart on it with my teacher's name inside, which she then handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 122

You deserved it 587

15/12/2011 05:00

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 775

You deserved it 10 848

14/02/2015 17:47

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 846

You deserved it 11 642

05/02/2014 02:48

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 890

You deserved it 45 006

06/12/2011 08:57

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 763

You deserved it 2 091

In these times

By Dee Dee - 22/05/2020 08:00

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 122

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Top comments

SeduceRecycle 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:18

 Nooooooo good.

YupImBack 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:22

shit happens

Comments

SeduceRecycle 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:18

 Nooooooo good.

livelaughlove22 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:24

oh wow IDIOT!

Sydknee 8

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:25

the only thing I can say is, FYL.

Hevzy 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:26

definitely not good but you should her been looking where you were going! tut tut tut x

A_50cal_goes 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:29

BOOM Headshot!!!

unidentified_sta 5

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:29

Squirted right into your eye??? ... Hawt

KarinaLizeth18 5

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:33

lmao shame^ hahaha

buzz18 7

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:41

lol at #19, but sucks bro

tweetbaby14 18

Friday 3 September 2010 23:50

YDI for pointing it at your eye.

MarkerofMagic 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 0:29

where were you applying it making it shoot into your eye o.o

NuyoRicanGirl 3

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Saturday 4 September 2010 1:15

that sucks op fyl LMAO

Brittney_E 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 1:41

hah. sounds like something i'd do Xp

wintamint101 7

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Saturday 4 September 2010 1:53

no need to get rid of that icy hot

Stupified 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 2:32

What's icy hot?

MissChelle79 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 3:02

wow... really?

2kool4skoolyo 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 3:53

48- it's a product that is used on sore body parts. first being it's really cold an then after 5 min it turns hot to dull the pain away.

residentZERO 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 5:05

i see hot! u see hot! u can't see because of icy/hot! FYL! :(

chris_42 11

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Saturday 4 September 2010 5:22

Did your eye feel icy and then hot?

LoganBballin16 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 5:34

comment moded!! lol but for real of ur an idiot! who dose this??

ianbennett123 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 6:46

ydi for sqeezing too hard

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 8:17

That shit BURNS. Sooo much.

ladykat 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 8:28

62 - love your photo!

turtlemansam 6

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Saturday 4 September 2010 9:00

I MODDED THIS!!!!

residentZERO 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 10:09

76 - why thank u! :x

Prodigy7 4

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Saturday 4 September 2010 12:11

OP, did the slamming part help make your eye feel better?

alsnyder12 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 16:31

how does one run in agony? stated as is, the op's reaction to feeling agony is to randomly run. hmm

RochelleRedvines 8

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Friday 27 January 2012 3:37

See, that's why you aim AWAY from your face.

mexicanswim 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:19

I had a similar situation

bravesfan112233 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 0:28

icy hot makes me horny

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Saturday 4 September 2010 5:47

2: As did I, but with Capzasin(sp?). Not fun. >_<

pandemic_fml 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 15:45

My aunt put some on her knee, which rubbed off on her clothes when she went to the bathroom, which then went places that IcyHot should never go.

AudaciouslyInsan 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:19

Wow, jeez OP. You need to learn to calm yourself in serious situations like that. Yeah it's scary but it can make things worse if you freak out. FYL

Kyousho 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:24

agreed

atomicwedgie4u 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 2:11

& clearly did for op as proven with the red eye & concussion.

YupImBack 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:22

shit happens

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Saturday 4 September 2010 3:13

Which creates a domino effect of other shit happening

randomguy1millon_fml 0

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Friday 20 May 2011 6:08

Which makes it shitteyer

acrostice 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:23

hope you're okay now!

colleen2920 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:23

retard. ydi for not having common sense

WTSchool 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 5:41

Well what'd you go slamming your face into the faucet for?!

tandem123 6

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Friday 7 October 2011 0:16

I really don't appreciate your use of "retard" as a derogatory term. Thank you.

Yekutiel 7

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:24

crappy

Jessi_the_sexii 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:26

put some icy heat on the bruise on your face from the faucet..

remy3106 10

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:27

were u applying the IcyHot on ur face? Because I don't see how it woul get into your eye any other way

banana_pancakes1 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:27

oww sucks to be you