Miscellaneous: Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called.... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 05:15 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 47 038

You deserved it 5 140

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Same thing different taste

By fucked up dad - 11/07/2013 19:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Spicy

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 435

You deserved it 6 641

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 22:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 247

You deserved it 29 562

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 251

By cheerbabeXoXo - 29/06/2013 21:49 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 606

You deserved it 4 977

By SheWentCrayola - 17/10/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 969

You deserved it 7 585

By uneducated - 07/03/2010 00:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 401

You deserved it 2 325

By Anonymous - 14/04/2015 01:50 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 352

You deserved it 2 311

Great joke Dad, thanks

By Anonymous - 05/07/2014 17:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 882

You deserved it 7 904

By Anonymous - 09/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 598

You deserved it 3 144

By thesixth - 02/03/2016 18:53 - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 055

You deserved it 7 214

Next

Top comments

Weird_situations 13

Friday 24 January 2014 16:02

That's a really creepy thing to say to your daughter..

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 24 January 2014 16:01

Tell him that if he had your ****, he would be a medical marvel and a hit at the LBGT convention.

Comments

flapjax68 4

Friday 24 January 2014 22:58

Um... Compliment?

matthew5555555 11

Friday 24 January 2014 23:12

Take it as a compliment

Mauskau 35

Friday 24 January 2014 23:12

My dad has said the same to me, luckily I ignore him.

lily199 3

Saturday 25 January 2014 0:41

Why do all of them say 5ML today

awilliams44 9

Saturday 25 January 2014 3:39

ur dad seems like a pervert..

saltysilverfox 7

Saturday 25 January 2014 4:09

pics pls

reymon8823 24

Saturday 25 January 2014 4:50

Lmao win for dad

Sweetdiculous 1

Saturday 25 January 2014 5:12

Ew.

r00nie 10

Saturday 25 January 2014 8:26

Dad of the year!

pdp_fml 21

Saturday 25 January 2014 11:42

You must be beautiful. You should take it as a compliment.

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Keywords

Annoying Gamers Video games Abuse Birthday Relatable Social Media Money Scams Education Parents Kids School Health Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Fight Family Gross Customers Work

The Top

Today, despite the fact that I'm happy and in love, my spiteful brat of a 12 year-old keeps spreading hateful and disgusting lies about my boyfriend doing unspeakable things while I'm away on business. Her dad told me he's reporting my boyfriend to the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 590

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 205

You deserved it 3 629

The Top

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 979

You deserved it 4 832

Today, my supervisor’s first words when looking at my work were, “What is this shit?!” I explained that I'd done it exactly like she told me to. She just kept on grumbling because she couldn’t find a single thing I had done wrong, which apparently ruined her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 87

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 506

You deserved it 2 608

Today, I shit the bed. Like, full on shit. I had to go ahead and throw my clothes away. It made it all the way to the mattress. The worst part, it didn’t even wake me up, my alarm did, so I have no idea how long I was sleeping in my own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 311

Today, I went to the Grand Canyon with my family. Also today, I found out that I have a crippling fear of heights. My family left me on a ledge hyperventilating and having a mental breakdown, while they hiked for another 2 hours. They won't stop telling me how pretty it was and what I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 661

You deserved it 8 654

Today, I had dinner with three friends to forget about the painful break up with my boyfriend. The first friend announced that she and her boyfriend had just bought a house, the second one that he was no longer single, and the third one revealed that she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 430

You deserved it 5 084