Miscellaneous: Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to...

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 774

You deserved it 5 364

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

Scratch that itch

Cognitive dissonance

By stargirl - 19/07/2011 00:36 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 220

You deserved it 13 076

By Dan V - 05/09/2016 06:35 - United States - Troy

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 953

You deserved it 849

By "Nancy Marlin" - 16/07/2017 13:00

Today, I had to call the hotel we were staying at to recover some items I had left. Those items consist of a cellphone, razor blades, used batteries, and a vibrator. They have nothing to do with each other, but yes, they're at the front desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 582

You deserved it 1 341

By ripdivine - 24/02/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 259

You deserved it 56 419

Truth hurts

By markerThief - 13/10/2013 04:33 - United States - Apple Valley

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 333

You deserved it 10 951

By whatdidido - 06/05/2019 18:05 - United States - Conover

Today, I was messaging a girl on a dating app. Things were going well so I thought I'd ask her to meet. She had listed hiking as an interest 3 times on her profile so I suggested we meet at a state park. She told me she doesn't hike on a first meet and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 620

Not a great start

By anon - 05/06/2021 02:01

Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 157

By SporadiCOOL - 27/08/2019 00:01

Today, my parents told me that I wasn’t invited to a family wedding because it was too expensive to invite everyone. This would be fine, if they didn’t invite all my other cousins, and my baby sibling as well. To be honest, it’s probably just because I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 519

By krystal - 27/10/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 890

You deserved it 14 403

By Anonymous - 19/02/2012 11:17 - United States

Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 890

You deserved it 3 959

By PuppyLove2009 - 13/11/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 954

You deserved it 3 837

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 05:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 46 899

You deserved it 5 116

By hahatofunny - 13/09/2016 19:54 - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 928

You deserved it 2 055

By cherbear1000 - 04/09/2013 21:07 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 8 969

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 524

You deserved it 4 722

By AgentRarity - 18/06/2014 16:48

Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 640

You deserved it 7 825

By maddy - 21/01/2009 17:03 - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 751

You deserved it 2 600

By Ferniferousfern - 02/03/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 311

By tigerfiend - 17/02/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 624

You deserved it 5 752

By hcditfi5foygy - 23/07/2018 19:04

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 396

You deserved it 258

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 89

By Lewis - 04/09/2010 11:02 - Australia

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 199

You deserved it 34 325

By so so old now - 16/09/2014 23:23 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 331

You deserved it 4 465

By ss - 06/09/2011 13:17 - Australia

Today, I took my new iPhone into a technician to complain that when people called me, the audio was very quiet and muffled. Convinced it was a fault, I demanded a replacement. That is when he peeled off the factory issued protective screen that covered the ear piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 242

You deserved it 53 792

By newlywed - 27/02/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 878

You deserved it 13 350

By unknown - 04/02/2011 08:11

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 547

You deserved it 5 944

By starley - 13/08/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my husband of 3 years, who I have a 1 year old daughter with, told me he wants a divorce, but who knows, maybe in the future we can "date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 857

You deserved it 3 430

By RaceCar - 12/02/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 20 976

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 929

You deserved it 5 566

By Failsafe - 09/05/2016 14:35 - United States - Newark

Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 569

You deserved it 1 425

Mix and match

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:01

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 323

By Name - 11/07/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 555

You deserved it 56 052

By Wheresthebeefz - 01/02/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I tried to save a dying bird I found on the sidewalk. I got a parking ticket for $114 in front of the animal hospital. I later found out the bird died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 882

You deserved it 7 882

By burned - 24/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 076

You deserved it 63 954

By civicman - 27/09/2009 02:19 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 644

You deserved it 66 048

With any luck, it'll be canceled

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 593

By Bestfrienduncool - 30/09/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 693

You deserved it 2 658

Choose your family

By family is bullshit - 06/06/2021 08:01

Today, I've been guilt tripped, ranted at, called names, ostracized and told what a horrible person I am for, "turning my back on family." My former brother is in jail for unspeakable crimes, yet somehow I’m the bad guy for not standing by and supporting him or offering to help pay for a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 59

By Michael - 25/10/2011 15:00 - Australia

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 866

You deserved it 15 580

By Retailhell - 22/12/2014 06:25 - United States

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 3 414

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Top comments

bladelix3 1

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:02

is that really a problem? better know now then later

BadPinkKitty07 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:08

I really can't think of anything more romantic than soggy pizza and a man in a sweaty mouse costume. the hyper kids and vomit hidden in the strangest places in the play place is just a plus.

realggirl 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:01

FYL for having a fun loving out of the box date with a little originality to spice things up a bit. Oh, just noticed the part about his son. Never mind, that actually is a FYL. Lol, my mistake.

azurablade 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:01

djv

Person1233 12

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:02

Djv? Stop replying to the top to be seen. Ohshi- I'm a hypocrite.

Mehness 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:40

lol he was the second one to comment on the whole damned post anyway :P

Byrdd 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 3:49

shyt i didnt think that was a big deal.

Byrdd 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 3:52

u should do more homework on ur crush. who has a crush as an adult neway? haha.

dudeitsdanny 9

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Saturday 6 February 2010 4:25

Maybe theyre in high school. Or college. Some younger adults and teens have kids.

davidhasmorefun 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 9:47

here is a thought. at least you found out on the first date rather than date #23.

bladelix3 1

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:02

is that really a problem? better know now then later

Reyo 2

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:41

Same. Would you rathor he have hid his son from you untill a good year into the relationship? Besides, it could've definately been worse, as this site has taught us. At least he didn't rub your stomach and say "Soon this will be plump with my seed." He's a guy who loves his kid...and if you translate that into "creepy stalker rapist" then he's definately not the one with the issues here.

herpderpherpderp 13

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Monday 17 December 2012 3:16

DarksideDoll 31

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Sunday 14 September 2014 3:24

Agreed. I think it was sweet that he let you meet his son. Also, maybe I'm just a giant kid but...that's a pretty awesome place to go on a date. "Move over kids, let me show you how a pro dives in the ball pit."

BryonyBabs 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:05

Romantic eh? FYL.

BadPinkKitty07 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:08

I really can't think of anything more romantic than soggy pizza and a man in a sweaty mouse costume. the hyper kids and vomit hidden in the strangest places in the play place is just a plus.

stupidirish 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:16

nice atmosphere description. also, sticky floors.

x_HELLo_tHERE_x 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 2:53

I only went to Chuck-E-Cheese once. Personally, I liked Putt-Putt golf before they closed.

HoesInaBox 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 5:07

Don't forget the dirty diapers and used drug needles at the bottom of the ball pit!

ButtNekked 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 7:16

Haha I usually found epic lootz in the ball pen

iris1012 5

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Saturday 6 February 2010 8:00

*orgasm*

Craw25 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:09

how romantic lol jk that really sucks

fr33convict 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:12

I'm sorry, you thought it was a date? lol

dudeitsdanny 9

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:14

It wasnt a date, you were babysitting. Anyways, bettter now at Chuck E. Cheese's than in 6 months at Denny's

perdix 29

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:51

Good callback, but wasn't it an IHOP?

dudeitsdanny 9

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Saturday 6 February 2010 3:27

Oh, right! Haha. Crappy breakfasts are crappy breakfasts =P

P_M_J 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:20

That guys a keeper!

ipooprainbows 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:23

if it's only the first date, so what that he just now told you about having a child. that's usually when info like that is disclosed anyway. unless you've known him for a while. but still.... in my opinion, a first date is kinda soon to be meeting the kids. i prefer to wait until we're sure the relationship is going to last. kids get close to you, then get heartbroken if you suddenly stop coming around. it's sad! i say F the kids life

marvin_fml 0

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Sunday 7 February 2010 0:43

Depends how old the child is. If his sons only 2-3 years old, meeting someone once isn't going to form a lasting impression on him. Sounds to me like this guy is being straight up... "I have a kid, he's very important to me, and if we're going to date you'll have to deal with it, and deal with going to Chuck-e-Cheese occasionally."

XDNurse 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 1:25

well... I guess since it's just a crush you'd be surprised but I really liked a guy I'd be honored if he trusted me enough to share his child with me.... guess you're not too serious about him which is fine... I guess...