Miscellaneous: Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people... - FML

By Coolkid. - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

There's no helping some people

Great parenting

By nicetomeetyou2 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

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By PaintedBum

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

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By Stressed_Out_Student

That's a lot of damage!

Today, I had to do a still life of a pillowcase for my drawing class. To make up for bad grades I've gotten before, I followed my professor's directions to a T. He took 19 points off because I drew the background when no one else did. We have to do it for every piece. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

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By chew toy - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

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By iappreciatethesentiment - 9/5/2021 17:01

Help! I need somebody!

Today, I was at my mom's when I suddenly doubled over in pain. It was so bad that I begging to be taken to the hospital, just when her dog started coughing. She immediately ran to her dog, asked if she was OK, saying that she hates to see anyone she loves in pain. I sat there hunched over in disbelief. FML

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By ewww - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

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By Cheyennereed - United States - Shaw A F B

Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML

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By Babs - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

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By mn167109 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

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By Foster_Em - United States

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

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By FMeeee - Portugal - Aveiro

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

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By AmNot - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

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By dumbblonde - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

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By probably_the_ex_now - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

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By too proud to beg - 23/9/2020 02:02

Basic Instinct

Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML

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By for my brother in law - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

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By nickthetank - Canada

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

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By failingdaily - New Zealand - Paraparaumu

Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML

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By I have wood - United States - Stephenville

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

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By Wouldntitbeniceif - United States

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me to a movie after days of not seeing me. This long awaited date involved me paying for food and my movie ticket when he ran out of cash again. He then dumped me as we left the theater walking to his car. Well, I financed my own breakup date. FML

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By mpsteve137 - United States - Acworth

Apologetic

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

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By fuckendog - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

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By undoable - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

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By bitchonia - Canada

Sign your name across my…?

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

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By lawdwhy

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

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By Emmy - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

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By "bluebird97"

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

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By J - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. I pointed out that due to a technicality, if he hired someone to replace me, he'd have to pay them more anyway. He said he'd gladly pay more for "someone who knows his god-damn place" and made it clear I'll be jobless very soon. FML

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By ihatemyparents - United States

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

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Top comments

By Minorchord | 4

#305016 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:03

Brutal.

By baby_love | 0

#305027 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:05

wth? u don't need friends like that

COMMENTS

By SluttyMcNugget | 0

#305008 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:03

HAHAHAHA!! That sucks :(

By Person_Man | 0

#305012 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:03

damn, almost first lol

By heyall_fml | 0

#305013 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:04

Sucks... Man some people are assholes. Lol

By Minorchord | 4

#305016 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:03

Brutal.

Reply

maddieguinn | 0

#980766 - Saturday 17 April 2010 4:34

I'm rly sorry :(

Reply

skullcandifiedDJ | 5

#4073417 - Wednesday 22 February 2012 19:37

Bunch of immature little cunts...

By Victoria_fml | 0

#305017 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:04

Screencaps or it didn't happen !

By MattGil | 0

#305019 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:04

pwnd

By baby_love | 0

#305027 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:05

wth? u don't need friends like that

By VoGuE221 | 5

#305031 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:06

oh no :( some friends.

By SergioFML | 0

#305037 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:07

I guess your username coolkid is a lie.

By habeeboburky94 | 0

#305046 - Sunday 14 June 2009 23:11

haha #3 that made me laugh :P XD
yeah... um.. sucks to be you :S also, as you said, they aren't your friends. You deserve wayyy better xD
and ( ok I know I'm gonna get bashed) but seriously how thick do you have to be to tag someone by accident ? I mean Facebook makes it really easy! Way I see it, he/she did it on purpose or are , in fact, extremely dumb.