Miscellaneous: Today, I wanted to take a nap after cleaning my apartment, so... - FML

By somnolence - United States - Beaverton

Today, I wanted to take a nap after cleaning my apartment, so I put the trash outside the front door and put a note on the door for my roommate, saying, "Please take the trash out when you leave for work." When I woke up, the note was gone but the trash was still there. FML

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Instadrama

Pavarotti next door

Our house, is a very very very fine house

By Ella - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

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By Overworked - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

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By socargone

Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML

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By Anonymous

The Dilbert Principle

Today, I had to attend an interview in order to keep my job, despite exceeding all of my targets for over a year. My supervisor has not reached a single target at all in the same time, yet his job is safe and not under review. FML

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By goldengirl - Australia

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

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By offended - United States - East Hampton

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2021 02:00

Many such cases!

Today, I found out that I can’t get my COVID vaccine due to my chance of going into anaphylactic shock. FML

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By Mel - France - Toulouse

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

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By tenthousandspoon - New Zealand

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

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By unpatriotic - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

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By hot girl - 7/3/2021 08:01

Nice timing

Today, I found out my husband was cheating on me while I was waiting in an ICU waiting room while he was getting brain surgery. FML

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By gali-ma - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

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By snoozer - United States

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

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By alpine75 - United States

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

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By 20month dry spell

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

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By Shadowfigure23 - United States

Today, I spent most of my morning comforting the guy I love because his fiancée dumped him for some other guy. He continuously told me I had no clue that kind of pain he was in. He dumped me three years ago for the girl that just left him. FML

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By Mandy - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

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By rokkstarrrVRV - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

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By bumpyroad - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

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By Eric Rivera - 29/1/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

I've just got one of those faces

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

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By welcome to the neighborhood - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML

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By conbon123 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

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By Me - France

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

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By jgw

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

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By ew - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

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By ohdear - United Kingdom

Time flies by

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

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By frustrated - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

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By HardTimes

Today, I came home from three months off the continent. My parents drove me home, and when we drove past our house, I assumed we were going for a welcome home supper. Instead, we drove to a dilapidated trailer and my parents said, "Welcome home." We used to live in a large, beautiful two-story house. FML

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By Titi14 - United States

Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML

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By Unemployed - Malaysia

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

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By embarrassed - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

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By wtf - United States

Backhanded

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

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By gassy - United States - Winter Garden

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

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Top comments

By ElaborateScheme | 14

#6691732 - Sunday 18 September 2016 19:55

Next time if you want to take the trash out just carry your roommate out yourself

By Ainarr | 29

#6691736 - Sunday 18 September 2016 19:56

at least the roommate took themselves out.

COMMENTS

By ElaborateScheme | 14

#6691732 - Sunday 18 September 2016 19:55

Next time if you want to take the trash out just carry your roommate out yourself

By Ainarr | 29

#6691736 - Sunday 18 September 2016 19:56

at least the roommate took themselves out.

By LadyGreenShoes | 8

#6691746 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:08

sounds like my husband. lol

By watermelon15 | 35

#6691747 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:09

Well, taking the trash out isn't that hard right? But ya, that's a cheeky roommate hehe

By CrassKal | 27

#6691748 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:10

I can see that be annoying if they were in a rush. I hate being given extra tasks suddenly when I have somewhere I need to be. Especially if they are "germ conscientious" like myself and feel the need to wash their hands after handling garbage or garbage cans.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6691870 - Monday 19 September 2016 0:29

I would hope it wouldn't take people being germaphobes to wash their hands after handling garbage.

Reply

awildwhisper | 30

#6691951 - Monday 19 September 2016 3:29

Don't know why #25 is being thumbed down.

By great_nate | 20

#6691749 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:11

Who made you boss?

Reply

asdr_is_a_king | 5

#6691840 - Sunday 18 September 2016 23:29

It's not like they said they cleaned the whole apartment or anything

By Dr_Awesome654 | 24

#6691750 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:17

I feel like it would take less energy for you to just walk the extra meter and through it away yourself

Reply

jasmine2301 | 25

#6691987 - Monday 19 September 2016 4:28

throw*...

Reply

Steffi | 26

#6692184 - Monday 19 September 2016 10:46

I'm guessing they live on a high floor.

By Gameoftheombosis | 6

#6691755 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:27

Next time just do it yourself. Not really an fml kind of scenario.

By neuronerd | 28

#6691756 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:27

Or you could take it out yourself. My old roommate used to leave bags of trash for me to take out, and it would get very annoying. Granted, she also never cleaned the apartment.

By Skinyrd | 17

#6691757 - Sunday 18 September 2016 20:31

Liberal Oregon