Kids: Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out...

By JGarz - 10/10/2015 07:21 - United States - Tucson

Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 230

You deserved it 2 690

Kids

Taking stock

Blue Christmas

Gonna need more details, please

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 02:52 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 068

You deserved it 45 067

By busmonster - 12/09/2015 00:32 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 121

You deserved it 22 289

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 550

You deserved it 9 495

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 869

You deserved it 8 835

Spooky Season

By Vladislav - 20/10/2021 11:00

Today, my best friend and I watched the "OK Google" horror short film. It's about a ghost that controls a Google Home device. Right after the short ended, my Google Nest Mini came off the wall and stopped reacting. Neither of us was near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 135

By AllyCat - 07/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 990

You deserved it 5 493

By Anonymous - 09/10/2014 02:13 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 983

You deserved it 3 393

By Anonymous - 07/11/2014 08:03 - Australia

Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 636

You deserved it 3 741

By Anonymous - 27/06/2019 16:34

Today, my 7-year-old learned "Smoke Weed Everyday" from YouTube, and has repeated it so many times that I'm now singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 421

By jjcod - 31/05/2014 09:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 216

You deserved it 10 176

By JohnMackSquirts - 19/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 942

You deserved it 115 230

Family Matters

By whyme102008 - 13/07/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 625

You deserved it 8 625

By ticketed - 28/08/2012 16:04 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned that several thousand people in my state got tickets this month for driving and talking on the phone. My mom called to tell me this while I was driving. I'm now part of that statistic. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 269

You deserved it 36 524

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 633

By poop - 08/01/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 661

You deserved it 4 170

No kink shaming

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 08:01 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out the real reason for my parents' divorce. Not because they had grown apart as they claimed, but because my dad was sleeping with hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 67

Guilt

By Dumped - 18/02/2010 08:58 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 856

You deserved it 3 398

By Zoo - 07/05/2019 14:00

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 263

By fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc - 02/04/2014 21:22 - Denmark - Herning

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 044

You deserved it 6 860

By hhhhhhhpeterwut - 19/02/2013 03:21 - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 337

You deserved it 54 701

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 041

You deserved it 25 494

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 02:01

Today, I'm 26-year-old woman and I've never had a date for Valentine's Day, never been on a date, or received flowers. This pandemic makes me think I never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 131

By boreed - 27/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 969

You deserved it 4 368

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 15:16 - United States - Jasper

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 477

You deserved it 1 143

Vandals

By Interpid traveler - 07/09/2021 05:01

Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 59

By Fennec - 11/08/2014 19:05 - France - Paris

Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 429

You deserved it 4 863

By Noname - 04/02/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 890

You deserved it 4 752

By jwhizzle - 20/10/2011 11:51 - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 178

You deserved it 3 016

By unlucky - 11/12/2014 13:26 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 309

You deserved it 39 556

By lemonchips - 12/10/2015 21:28 - Norway

Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 355

You deserved it 2 961

By Shit - 27/04/2014 17:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 557

You deserved it 6 721

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 690

You deserved it 48 348

Nice parents you've got there

By mere - 06/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 146

By curiousminx - 06/12/2016 02:32 - Australia - Morningside

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 903

You deserved it 833

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 1 989

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 19:47 - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 613

You deserved it 2 973

By gloomy - 15/08/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 682

You deserved it 766

By TT - 19/04/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 608

You deserved it 2 580

By Pizza-less - 04/09/2011 04:16 - United States

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 559

You deserved it 7 993

By omfgmaya - 05/10/2009 17:29 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend brought me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 239

You deserved it 3 912

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imnotc00l 10

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Is his name Ken by any chance?

pirup 13

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Horomones, maybe? I don't know, that's a little out of the ordinary

pirup 13

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Horomones, maybe? I don't know, that's a little out of the ordinary

Ichiya 29

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Sunday 11 October 2015 11:36

Dirty?

invadermaythe1st 35

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Sunday 11 October 2015 12:37

I used to do weird shit like that when I was 4-5 years old, but a teenager?...

iAmPaul 49

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Sunday 11 October 2015 14:29

41 - That's pretty prude of you. I'd be more in favour of sex toys being used instead of regular toys for sex acts.

ObeyTheWaves 11

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Monday 12 October 2015 5:55

a little?

CaletheLion 15

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Gotta love practice, better than bratz dolls... Not that I have done it..

chinaski7628 32

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Sunday 11 October 2015 7:50

If he's practicing on a Barbie doll, he's in for a rude awakening when he moves on to women...

inz002 6

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Sunday 11 October 2015 10:44

what is this hole down there, i haven't seen this b4

imnotc00l 10

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Is his name Ken by any chance?

dkane 12

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:30

Hopefully he isn't in high school, it's understandable if he is 13, but you should probably talk to him.

jude_iscariot 7

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:32

People need to practice.

khorstmye 15

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:33

Practice makes perfect?

thebiteof87 27

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:33

Wtf. That's some weird fetish

born_hustla 26

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:34

He's just improving !

DarkMatter115 13

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:34

Ok then... That's a wee bit awkward.. Maybe knock before going in so you don't have to witness something like that again

lulucindaus 4

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Sunday 11 October 2015 6:34

Maybe just practising if he's in his early teen years. If not, maybe talk to him

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 59

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 68

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 131

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