Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out...

By JGarz - 10/10/2015 07:21 - United States - Tucson

Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

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Healthy relationship

By JC12345 - 18/3/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebees for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked "How was it?" he says "It was terrible", to which I said "The food was that bad?" He replies "No, the sex". FML

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By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

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By Kiera Ayala - 8/6/2019 12:00

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

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By lookwhereyasittin - 24/1/2016 17:47 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, it was the first day in my life that I fell into a toilet because someone left the toilet seat up. I'm a guy. FML

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By kaheera4 - 4/4/2014 22:38 - United States

Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML

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By Crabby - 30/3/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Clitheroe

Today, I had to face up to telling the cute guy I just split up with that I have also probably given him pubic lice. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2015 17:44 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

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By shots shots shots - 12/2/2013 07:41 - United States - Redlands

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

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By egged - 1/10/2009 06:43 - Singapore

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

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By alainopotato - 2/1/2017 11:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML

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By suzyyy - 23/2/2011 09:18 - Netherlands

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years proposed to me. Everything was perfect. The ring was beautiful. And seconds after I said yes he went to play his new xbox game. FML

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By yuckspider - 20/4/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2018 05:00

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

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By sandwichsex - 8/8/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

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By HighasaCloud - 10/12/2016 02:38

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

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By tor - 10/7/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, one of my bosses came into work and told me that they had seen my dad's twin in the supermarket holding hands and kissing a much younger woman and her baby. My dad doesn't have a twin. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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By I write sins not other people's essays - 12/5/2016 03:13 - United States - King George

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

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By (not) fucked - 16/5/2014 16:01 - United States - Kingsville

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

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By footfetish - 2/2/2013 11:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

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By you'vegotmail(not) - 18/4/2014 23:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

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By waymoreiwanted - 15/2/2014 03:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

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By shtidsfpa - 18/6/2014 21:06 - United States - Shelby

Today, I only just found out that the abbreviation "lbs" is actually short for pounds. I've been saying "labs" my entire life. I'm 21. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

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By Crazy Mom - 10/6/2013 05:13 - United States

Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML

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By longday - 25/7/2010 06:13 - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

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By CSPKrissi - 4/4/2017 04:00

Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML

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By college parking sucks - 30/9/2015 17:16 - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

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By POLYBLOT - 30/6/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2010 14:26 - South Africa

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's Christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replyed that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the Christening. He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML

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By everyonehatesme - 2/5/2010 08:37 - Malaysia

Today, I signed in my msn messenger. Everyone in my friends list apparently changed their status to 'busy' or 'away' when they saw me online, including my crush. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2012 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

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By WTF - 27/9/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

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By Quin - 31/5/2019 14:00

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

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By sickbaby - 11/6/2011 13:06 - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

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By ? - 29/11/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

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Top comments

By imnotc00l | 10

#6432173 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Is his name Ken by any chance?

By pirup | 13

#6432170 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Horomones, maybe? I don't know, that's a little out of the ordinary

COMMENTS

By pirup | 13

#6432170 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Horomones, maybe? I don't know, that's a little out of the ordinary

Ichiya | 29

#6432369 - Sunday 11 October 2015 11:36

Dirty?

invadermaythe1st | 35

#6432393 - Sunday 11 October 2015 12:37

I used to do weird shit like that when I was 4-5 years old, but a teenager?...

iAmPaul | 49

#6432477 - Sunday 11 October 2015 14:29

41 - That's pretty prude of you. I'd be more in favour of sex toys being used instead of regular toys for sex acts.

ObeyTheWaves | 11

#6433241 - Monday 12 October 2015 5:55

a little?

By CaletheLion | 15

#6432171 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Gotta love practice, better than bratz dolls... Not that I have done it..

chinaski7628 | 32

#6432254 - Sunday 11 October 2015 7:50

If he's practicing on a Barbie doll, he's in for a rude awakening when he moves on to women...

inz002 | 6

#6432335 - Sunday 11 October 2015 10:44

what is this hole down there, i haven't seen this b4

By imnotc00l | 10

#6432173 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:29

Is his name Ken by any chance?

By dkane | 12

#6432175 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:30

Hopefully he isn't in high school, it's understandable if he is 13, but you should probably talk to him.

By jude_iscariot | 7

#6432178 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:32

People need to practice.

By khorstmye | 15

#6432179 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:33

Practice makes perfect?

By thebiteof87 | 27

#6432181 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:33

Wtf. That's some weird fetish

By born_hustla | 26

#6432182 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:34

He's just improving !

By DarkMatter115 | 13

#6432183 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:34

Ok then... That's a wee bit awkward.. Maybe knock before going in so you don't have to witness something like that again

By lulucindaus | 4

#6432184 - Sunday 11 October 2015 6:34

Maybe just practising if he's in his early teen years. If not, maybe talk to him