Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself... - FML

By meikd423 - France

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

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Sorry…

Stained

Cute trick, asshole

By anon - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

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By garfield749 - United States

Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

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By sharon - United States

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

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By bossgroper - United States

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

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By lovehurts - United States - Wayne

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

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By trees - United States - Waupaca

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

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By SNBBFF - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

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By peapapeanut

Today, after months of my best friend telling me we were going to be roommates and moving to a new city together, with me trusting her, she ditched me because “everyone” told her not to live with me. She’s still moving, and we’re going to be in the same school and class. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions

Today, my best female friend got dumped. Seeing how I was alone when I got dumped, I didn't want her to feel the same, so I was nice to her and tried to help her as much as I could. I've now been getting constant messages from our mutual friends, telling me to stop hitting on her. FML

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By fml

Today, I noticed the results of my hair growth vitamins. It's been a month since my bad haircut, and I've seen some definite growth... Everywhere except my head. FML

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By ... - United States - Glen Carbon

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

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By Mr. Hopeless - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

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By thatwasmiz - United States

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

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By numbnuts - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2021 20:00

Your cooking, dude

Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2020 17:03

This charming man

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant. And gave me an STD. FML

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By Jordan - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

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By jshsnan - United States - San Francisco

Today, while trying to calm down my four-year-old son who had a tantrum in a store, a man walked up to me and said, "You couldn't have worn the condom?" FML

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By awkwardgayboi - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

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By ajodasdojsad - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

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By MY fault!?

Today, my mom invited my asshole cousin to my daughter's 10th birthday party, saying that this is the best time for me to apologize for having him imprisoned 3 years ago. He’s the same cousin who held my daughter hostage after the cops cornered him in a drug bust. FML

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By Lissa - 13/1/2021 01:58

Start worrying

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

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By Magicali - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

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By cero_kewl - United States

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

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By Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

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By P4ntless - United States

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

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By Anonymous

House rules

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML

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By mrwilly - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

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By erin - 2/4/2021 10:59

Stranger danger

Today, I saw a girl with the same shirt as me. I excitedly pointed it out. She punched me in the face. I didn’t think people actually got mad about that. FML

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By howrude - Canada

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

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By jimmy - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

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By growlr - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

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By Ann - United States

Works out well

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

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Top comments

By timmy455 | 0

#1384583 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:22

that's hot

By IsabellaC | 0

#1384592 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:25

what a hoe!

COMMENTS

By timmy455 | 0

#1384583 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:22

that's hot

Reply

karlita22 | 0

#1384586 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:23

ohhh my god!!! your lífe totally sucks!!!

Reply

hockeyplayer82 | 0

#1384644 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:37

pics or it didn't happen. I KNOW THERE IS SOME SOMEWHERE

Reply

w2z1 | 0

#1384672 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:43

Merry Christmas.

Reply

pinkpillowz | 0

#1384703 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:53

I saw mama sexting santa clause!!!

Reply

xxroseyxx | 0

#1384839 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:24

haha your hot ... maybe... I dunno. haha but talk about AWKWARD?!

Reply

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1384943 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:05

sexxxy(;

Reply

fatty_in_cali | 0

#1385069 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:21

I want copies of the pics

Reply

EmmyGrangerDC | 0

#1385152 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:34

I'd understand her room, but the KITCHEN? That's probably the most used room in the house!

Reply

tashawoods | 0

#1385286 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:58

well your mums a skank. what mother does that? yeah whatever loads probs do, but in the kitchen when her kids are home? right.. mm does she have a bedroom or is she some sick twisted mum? :)

Reply

JZhang91 | 0

#1385371 - Saturday 11 September 2010 2:13

i sense /s/ 4chan fail

Reply

jaybird9 | 0

#1385607 - Saturday 11 September 2010 3:13

hahaaa ewwwww !

Reply

Jizwold | 0

#1385649 - Saturday 11 September 2010 3:26

I guess I shouldn't complain but wats with all the girls on fml lately?

Reply

rushiee | 0

#1385747 - Saturday 11 September 2010 3:48

whats with the dissapearence of guys? (:
haha

Reply

BallinJ | 0

#1385795 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:02

post tits or gtfo

Reply

suprmidgt | 0

#1385840 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:16

or maybe no on was home when he started and op came home early. either way that's awesome!

Reply

pooponyuou | 0

#1385852 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:19

wht? it's not even Christmas yet!

Reply

berrenduh | 0

#1386086 - Saturday 11 September 2010 5:34

she should at least have the decency to do it in the bedroom

Reply

Renesaga | 8

#1386205 - Saturday 11 September 2010 6:13

She was taking those pictures for me. They're in the kitchen because immediately afterwards she was ordered to make me a sandwich.

Reply

shortstuff9519 | 0

#1386731 - Saturday 11 September 2010 9:34

milf

Reply

ComMed1 | 0

#1387405 - Saturday 11 September 2010 14:57

tell her she got my email wrong and she needs to resend the photos.

Reply

max1337 | 0

#1388002 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:20

Fake and Gay. Pics or it didnt happen.

Reply

saywhaaat_01 | 0

#1388316 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:41

lol

Reply

thegoodlife101 | 0

#1388385 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:03

win.

Reply

aekkoukla | 0

#1388549 - Saturday 11 September 2010 20:08

lol:)

Reply

katecookieface | 0

#1388701 - Saturday 11 September 2010 21:29

WIN.

Reply

bobmandude | 0

#1391164 - Sunday 12 September 2010 5:22

Jizz in His Pants.

Reply

bryttkneee | 0

#1394205 - Sunday 12 September 2010 18:48

well it was time for a new pic to put on the Christmas postcards.

Reply

daflyinhawaiian | 0

#1396074 - Monday 13 September 2010 3:49

lol. naughty list

Reply

tweetbaby14 | 17

#1401285 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:23

you take nude pics with nothing on except for certain things OP!? you gotta be shittin me!

Reply

BLEUSKEETER | 0

#1403361 - Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:14

JUSTiN BEiBER?

Reply

xLonelyStonerx | 0

#1424507 - Sunday 19 September 2010 2:11

Win ^^

Reply

stunner_steph | 0

#1463204 - Monday 27 September 2010 8:16

ur moms clearly awesome

By IsabellaC | 0

#1384592 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:25

what a hoe!

Reply

BakNBitz | 0

#1386025 - Saturday 11 September 2010 5:12

She's a nice lady!!!!

Reply

airforce987 | 20

#1386201 - Saturday 11 September 2010 6:12

How dare you, she's a nice lady!
- Allen from the Hangover

Reply

husky88 | 1

#1386786 - Saturday 11 September 2010 9:45

he's jacking his little wienus

Reply

hugopz | 0

#1387323 - Saturday 11 September 2010 14:16

lol

Reply

MadamGeek | 0

#1417897 - Friday 17 September 2010 7:46

LOL

Reply

draegbomb | 5

#4071015 - Wednesday 22 February 2012 5:25

Hoe Hoe Hoe!! Merry Christmas!!

By Chrisskiies | 0

#1384619 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:30

Lol^^

Milf!!!!!

By xxkerry | 0

#1384621 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:30

^^ haha that sucks though

Reply

starile | 19

#1385416 - Saturday 11 September 2010 2:26

That ROCKS, actually!

By xxkerry | 0

#1384623 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:30

^^ haha that sucks though

By Maladjusted1 | 0

#1384625 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:31

Did you join..?

By Rob207 | 3

#1384628 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:32

post them up

By Chaith | 16

#1384635 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:35

It's SEPTEMBER

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1384646 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:37

it's September wdf! lmao. if you guys live in a windy city like Chicago or somthing then I'll understand.
Bow-chicka-wow-wow! :)

Reply

moltencandy | 0

#1384867 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:36

brown chicken brown cow...

Reply

FMLephant | 2

#1385055 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:20

somebody's hungry

Reply

starile | 19

#1385429 - Saturday 11 September 2010 2:28

Um, Chicago or not, it STILL wouldn't make any sense. Does Christmas occur in September in windy cities? Here I thought it was always in December.

Reply

nbjohnson | 0

#1386789 - Saturday 11 September 2010 9:46

lol 59 don't worry, I was under that same impression...

Reply

caliangel | 0

#1386957 - Saturday 11 September 2010 10:35

Lmao @ 45!!

By thatonedame | 6

#1384650 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:37

disturbing. and entirely out of season.