By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 05:40 - United States - Latonia
Add a comment - Reply to : #
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
I'm more concerned as to why OP went nuts over their sister cutting their pubic hair in the first place. Mine came in when I was 8 years old, there is no way I was going to just let it grow into a huge bush. But yes the sexually active bit is also kinda bad. She's braver than I was by admitting it.
I agree with 98, there is no need to have a huge long talk about grooming, maybe suggest a tool other than scissors which could be more helpful, but treating it like it's unnatural and inexcusable is harmful to a growing person's mindset. I agree with OP that she probably shouldn't be sexually active, but having a long talk before even knowing that detail is absurd. As long as she is being safe about grooming, and knows to be safe with sex in the future, then there is absolutely no problem.
Well, since the sister clearly knows what's going on and trusts her with that sort of information, *she* can give her younger sibling "the talk" (use condoms, be responsible with your partner, etc.) before her parents. Honestly, the 13-year-old is more likely to listen to her older sister than her parents. However, her mom should find out at some point. She shouldn't be kept in the dark.
Well that's a little tricky. Though 13 year olds shouldn't be having sex, they still need to learn about safe sex. If you just say "you're too young to be doing this and there could be consequences" they're most likely gonna ignore it and still do it. A lot of kids may listen but not all. If you leave out information of about safe sex then they can ignore you and have sex which is why a lot of girls are getting pregnant at such a young age.
Why do you, or OP, or anyone get to decide what 13 year olds get to do? As long as they're safe about it they're not hurting anyone, it's their own choice. I wasn't having sex at 13, but I was fooling around enough that my boyfriend also needed to find my clitoris (not that he really did). It doesn't really sound like OPs sister is even having sex to me. They should certainly have a talk about being safe and pressure, but if he tries to discourage her it's not going to end well. If she wants to, she's going to do it, and telling her she shouldn't will most likely make her want to do it more. Abstinence only education pretty much never works.
That may be the consensus in this day and age, and I certainly wouldn't want any teenager to get pregnant, but there's a reason why girls get their period at the same time hormones kick in. Whether you like it or not, we are physically ready for sex by around 12. We have made the process of becoming mentally ready a lot more complicated by putting a stigma around something that is natural. No other species shames each other for having intercourse, no other species tries to keep each other from intercourse until a certain age, well past when they first start being physically ready. With literally every other animal, they become physically able and they immediately go at it. I'm not saying that's what humans should do, but claiming it's wrong for a 13 year old to be having these thoughts is just silly if you look at it biologically. I know I'll probably be thumbed down, but nothing I've said isn't true, and I'm not even claiming 13 year olds should definitely have sex.
#129 Actually, there are many reasons why pregnancy at such a young age is not recommended (even from a biological standpoint). First of all, getting pregnant so young increases the chance of pregnancy complications, not only for the mother-to-be but the child as well (ie: premature labor, low birth weight, infant mortality, etc...). Also, girls who get pregnant young are at greater risk of developing things like osteoporosis in the future: at that age, your bones have not fully reached their potential yet, and if the baby needs to leech calcium from her bones in order to complete its own, then it may lessen her ability to achieve optimal bone mass later. It can also greatly decrease her quality of life: those who get pregnant young are more likely to drop out from high school, less likely to get higher education, have a harder time economically, etc... It's not a guarantee, but it increases the odds significantly. Not to mention, you can't just compare human pregnancy to animal ones while completely ignoring the social, emotional and psychological side to humans :/ The animals who have sex as soon as they are sexually capable to will be raising their own kids, and won't be relying on their parents/abortions/adoption. I don't think any 13-year-olds nowadays can really boast the same thing. Many might know that they could become pregnant and that "that's bad since it's tough to raise a kid" but many do not understand the full implications. Most've never held a steady job and don't realize how difficult money-making is, they're not done getting their education, they may not fully understand the immediate and long-term effects pregnancy will have on their bodies or the psychological effects abortion may have, they aren't at a stage where they are able to properly discipline a child (heck, they themselves are probably still getting disciplined by their OWN parents), not to mention most teens are not willing to give a baby the full attention that it needs...it would not only make things difficult for the parents, but the child as well (regardless of whether they keep it or put it into foster care). And even if we discount the potential for babies; how much does the child know about sex? Depending on where you live, sex ed (when it comes to STDs and pregnancy) may not have been enough yet at that age. Not to mention, how many 13-year-olds realize the importance to get tested when sexually active (since not all STDs are prevented by condoms) as well as visiting a gynecologist? Granted you should start visiting them at 13-15 anyways, but especially more so in such cases. Plus, getting pregnant young can actually cost quite a bit for the rest of society when you include the added cost of counselling, social programs (like welfare), abortion, foster care, etc...so it makes sense that society as a whole would be against people potentially getting pregnant so young when the consequences tend to be so great compared to the reward, especially when said kids could simply wait a few years to minimize those risks. And I don't think the argument that period=ready to have baby is necessarily true either...as someone else said, some girls start their period as young as 8, and I really doubt an 8-year-old's body is ready to go through pregnancy. I haven't really researched into that though, so I may be wrong. Anyways, I understand that in some situations (like in the past) difficult life conditions caused kids to take adult roles sooner, and I do understand that some young children are able to have kids and still lead successful lives. Also, if they are going to be having sex, I definitely think safe sex is better than nothing. So I would definitely recommend good sex ed. especially in cases like these. Seriously, OP should talk to her sis about it. But I also believe that the potential severe consequences (biologically, emotionally, psychologically, economically) for both the pregnant kid and the baby-to-be, not to mention society as a whole, explains why we tend to encourage children to wait at least a few more years in order to try to minimize theses consequences.
#129 I definitely agree with you though that people shouldn't claim it's wrong for a 13 year old to be having these thoughts. Hormones do start at around that age, so it's simply natural to start having an interest. I just don't think it's that weird for society to encourage them to wait a bit and maybe masturbate instead for a few years until they mature a bit more (physically, mentally, emotionally, economically, etc). Coupling the encouragement to wait, along with really good sexual education (just in-case, for those who decide not to follow the advice) seems pretty logical to me.
Sisters are better in this case. Trust me. Nobody wants a freaking put conservative mom first yelling and then treating You like the last shitt in earth. Her sister explaining IT to get might be the Best thing to avoid scandals, embarassment and a lot of headaches. Plus she will be eternally gratefull that her sister didn't ratt her out and have more confidence to confide in her in the future
When I was 13 I was flirting like crazy all the time, started having boyfriends and kissing a lot at 14, and that was a good 20 years ago. So, while I didn't let them into my pants until four years later, I don't think the world is changing as much, it depends more on when puberty and related hormones hit you. Also, a couple hundred years ago she would have been about to get married at that age.
Yikes, they grow up so fast. I'd cry if my 13-year-old sister was already doing that.
Maybe you should have another talk to her about what 13 year olds should and shouldn't be doing.