Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they...

By dammit_ - 16/2/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

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Miscellaneous

Night terrors

Trust

All for nothing

By Anonymous - 4/2/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

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By First Kiss - 7/12/2012 12:39 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

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By Lunazel93 - 22/10/2012 04:07 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

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By nonexistant - 2/10/2009 19:32 - Canada

Today, while I was at a business supply store, I decided to get my old paper birth certificate laminated so it wouldn't deteriorate further. The people working decided to wait until after it was done and I had paid to tell me that laminating a birth certificate voids it. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 16:38 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2016 20:58 - United States - Hayward

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

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By snownerd - 3/11/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

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By -- - 4/9/2011 16:42 - Canada

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

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By doneanddone - 28/2/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

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By crazytown62 - 14/2/2012 15:32 - United States

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2013 05:28 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

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By icarlypoop - 11/4/2020 23:00

Good impressions last

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

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By - 20/1/2020 20:00

I'm in a hurry

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

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By sanoria51 - 26/4/2013 23:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

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By randomnamehere - 27/7/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

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By Sam - 21/5/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

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By lebanesewoman - 30/6/2009 16:17 - Hong Kong

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

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By loser - 19/10/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

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By overreacting - 3/4/2015 06:08 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

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By Kit - 16/9/2013 11:09 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

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By cerulean - 10/10/2017 01:30

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

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By afather - 14/6/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

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By analeis - 25/3/2012 18:04 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

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By Stupid Pregnancy Brain - 18/11/2016 13:45

Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

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By paranoid neighborhood - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2014 03:48 - United States

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

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By Gassy - 21/9/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

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By Travolta - 14/8/2011 04:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. I tried dancing in public for the first time ever. Judging by the whispers, stares and giggles, I'm never doing it again. FML

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By UGH - 31/8/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

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By tatfreak - 8/3/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

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By - 18/1/2017 09:02

Today, I realized that I hadn't heard anything about my upcoming class reunion. Turns out it was an invite via Facebook that I didn't receive because most of my classmates are on my block list. FML

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By "liisiuu" - 13/7/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

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By 00sasori - 27/3/2013 05:41 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 12:09 - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2013 13:18 - United States - Allendale

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 16:54 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

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By Tiffosaur - 4/1/2013 06:12 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

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Top comments

By Kiebland | 0

#2740 - Monday 16 February 2009 20:52

It's better than calling someone, saying, "Hey, baby." And then them telling you they just miscarried.

By Idyedmyhairblack | 0

#2661 - Monday 16 February 2009 17:44

that's hilarious in an awful kind of way...

COMMENTS

By Arbosis | 0

#2653 - Monday 16 February 2009 17:19

#1

+1, It wasn't your fault

gagneana000 | 5

#998906 - Thursday 20 May 2010 15:48

fail.... but I agree it wasn't your fault.

DenBriZel | 31

#5614766 - Tuesday 6 August 2013 4:27

I agree as well. There's no way that OP could've known, esp since they were hugging. FYL, sorry you had an awkward mixup.

By Idyedmyhairblack | 0

#2661 - Monday 16 February 2009 17:44

that's hilarious in an awful kind of way...

By greenman_fml | 0

#2669 - Monday 16 February 2009 18:04

it's your fault they broke up

By 2random | 0

#2675 - Monday 16 February 2009 18:25

lol awkward!!!

By Kiebland | 0

#2740 - Monday 16 February 2009 20:52

It's better than calling someone, saying, "Hey, baby." And then them telling you they just miscarried.

By grooverahul | 0

#2808 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 0:59

hahahah talk about foot in the mouth!

By sam_fml | 0

#2835 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 2:00

haaaaaaarrr

By slyvanilla_creme | 0

#2889 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 5:57

once i put a caption in a myspace page of someone i know and her bf "and here is minna and her beau...." and minna emails me and says. hey, we were broken up months ago, do you mind deleting that caption? apparently other people told her about the image and the caption and asked her if they were still together...not a fml, but i would say it was embarassing...

By necomni | 0

#3674 - Thursday 19 February 2009 2:38

Embarrassing... thanks for the lol though

By dirtygerbil08 | 1

#25831 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 3:20

Oh, man, my girlfriend and I have been in so many breakup/near-breakup positions and my poor roommate has walked in on all of them!