Love: Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was... - FML

By xXitslolaXX - United States

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

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Rock, hard place

Broken bum

Freak Scene

By Tiak - United States

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

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By poop_mcqueen - United States

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

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By idkmybffjill? - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep, when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

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By yourekillingme - United States - Mission

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mansfield

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

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By tramp - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

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By Anonymous - Greece

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

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By facepalmshroomer - United States

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

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By Sgt_Jackrum - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

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By Ellencrazee - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

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By Toaster - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

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By Anonymous

No exit! No choice!

Today, I drove my car and suddenly I got diarrhea & shit my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then, one of my work mates saw my car and came to say hello, she saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML

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By poordude - 3/4/2021 05:00

Extreme response

Today, my girlfriend told me that our relationship and economic situation is stressing her out so much that she’d rather end her life or marry a rich dude. FML

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By anonymous

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 23:01

That's a new one!

Today, I found out that the guy I was talking to for over a year, who told me he was dying from Covid, is perfectly fine and he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. FML

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By Username

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

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By YAABOIII - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

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By poorchild - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

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By ac19k - United States - Franklin

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

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By kutekittykatz - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

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By WaitedOut - United States - Saukville

Today, at work, I got to wait on one of those tables where everyone had very complex orders, and some of them sent their food back. When the time finally came for me to bring them their check and receive my well-earned tip, I returned only to discover that they'd dined and dashed. FML

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By kingwalrus - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

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By MikeMorin18 - United States

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

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By FailureAtLife121 - United States

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML

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By Rolax - France

Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML

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By maebyf - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

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By pissed_off_girl - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

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By traveller - United States

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 23:01

Looking good

Today, I was at a grocery store buying ice cream after the tragedy of losing my grandma. When I got to the cash register, the cashier saw the sadness in my eyes and said, "It's OK, you'll find the one someday, one that can look at your inner beauty and not care about the rest." He thought I'd got broken up with. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 00:30

Primitive art

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

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By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

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Top comments

By nom_nom_nom | 0

#265558 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:22

Everyone above me is just horrible. If it's any consolation, the same thing probably would have happened to me. Guys just have no balls.

By purple5 | 0

#265579 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:26

That sucks. #3 fails and the others are stupid. Stop being so shallow ffs.

That happened to me a few times but it was gym class and it was for social dance -_- and yeah, I'll admit I was the shy, quiet and kinda geeky kid.. but I didn't give a damn and neither should you. Those guys who didn't volunteer obviously don't deserve your time so I'd just try forget about it and move on, you're better than them.

COMMENTS

By Dustin_H | 0

#265504 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:11

Haha

Reply

aoife123 | 0

#999569 - Thursday 20 May 2010 23:49

don't laugh, that's an awful thing to have happen to you!
that's awful OP, but it might have been because they just didn't want to go in front of everyone or they were nervous! FYL though, you must've been so embarrassed :(

Reply

00yoda4 | 0

#1050900 - Thursday 1 July 2010 7:46

I'd laugh if it happened to Dustin-H

wow I think I know you

Reply

pohkerfayce | 0

#1249949 - Monday 16 August 2010 4:42

you must be uglyy...:)

By Xero3g | 5

#265512 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:11

I truly hope it wasn't because you're ugly.

Reply

iTzDann | 0

#2533251 - Thursday 19 May 2011 13:13

it was probably because she was to pretty ?

By hockeyfan1 | 0

#265515 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:12

Get less ugly?

First

By KINGMARIO_fml | 0

#265544 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:19

Hahaha that sucks, but YDI for being ugly & or fat

Reply

matttheman33 | 0

#2202994 - Saturday 19 March 2011 5:52

shut up man

By nom_nom_nom | 0

#265558 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:22

Everyone above me is just horrible. If it's any consolation, the same thing probably would have happened to me. Guys just have no balls.

Reply

Legolandlord | 4

#2828116 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 1:48

then they arent guys..... lol

Reply

chicagoIL | 4

#4609130 - Sunday 24 June 2012 22:48

I am a guy, and I have balls. Suck it. Literally.

By simplybad | 0

#265578 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:26

I have 2 words of wisdom. Work Out.

By purple5 | 0

#265579 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:26

That sucks. #3 fails and the others are stupid. Stop being so shallow ffs.

That happened to me a few times but it was gym class and it was for social dance -_- and yeah, I'll admit I was the shy, quiet and kinda geeky kid.. but I didn't give a damn and neither should you. Those guys who didn't volunteer obviously don't deserve your time so I'd just try forget about it and move on, you're better than them.

By TriNiBaByDoLL | 0

#265592 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:29

Firstly stop being a bitch, no one likes a bitch...
Secondly, u should've felt embarrased enough & choose a different part so that everyone can enjoy the play!
I do feel sorry for u but u could be a real bitch!

Reply

IndigoFuckYou | 9

#2221118 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 4:32

how was OP being a bitch? I'm pretty sure you're the bitchy one here.

Reply

hansbaby | 0

#2435741 - Saturday 30 April 2011 22:48

op isn't being a bitch.... you are

Reply

maniaccy | 8

#5553844 - Wednesday 26 June 2013 21:20

This girl just can't tell herself and other people apart. Stfu man.

Reply

jsalamo | 22

#6587748 - Sunday 24 April 2016 22:49

Are you fuckin stupid? YOU sound like the bitch.

Reply

Emma Marshall | 19

#7659552 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 4:08

What the fuck....

By MadeInCanada | 0

#265606 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:32

Aww, I'm sorry. Don't worry about it though.. It would be embarassing for any guy to volenteer so don't take it personally..

By filipinocanadian | 0

#265618 - Thursday 4 June 2009 16:38

I think it was cuz you were ugly. Like the previous person said get less ugly.

Reply

gorina | 0

#2673170 - Monday 13 June 2011 19:43

I'm sure you know aaaaall about being ugly.