Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc... - FML

By badeats - 22/6/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML

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Business savvy

This ain't working out

Extreme late fees

By - 21/11/2019 15:00 - Australia - Bonnyrigg

Our secretive

Today, my mom is 44 years old, and she is cheating on my dad with my friend who is 19. And she's paying me to keep her secret. FML

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By JacktheRussian - 8/4/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

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By siciliano12594 - 12/11/2012 18:40 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

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By hurtsmyears - 7/11/2011 01:23 - United States

Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML

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By First World Problems - 8/1/2016 14:34 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 06:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

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By katurday - 3/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

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By jewel87 - 12/3/2010 16:39 - United States

Today, I decided to wear my Ugg boots to work. I forgot that my office is carpeted and that the fur in my boots makes me shock every metal thing I touch. I work with computers all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2012 18:48 - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

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By mattlikesfunions - 18/7/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

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By dl - 12/4/2012 02:54 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

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By Rolax - 6/11/2008 09:38 - France

Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML

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By StupidApple - 25/5/2011 00:02

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 20:13 - France

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

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By Poorman - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United Kingdom

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

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By moneyman - 5/1/2020 20:00

But I'm a man

Today, I went on a date with a beautiful woman I had recently met. Great food, great conversation, and a great connection. That is, until she revealed that she is a lesbian. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - 10/7/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 15:06 - Mexico - Guadalupe

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

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By blind - 29/1/2011 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall. It was amazing, apparently. Of course I wouldn't know, because I left my glasses at the hotel, and was sitting at the very back row. FML

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By ick - 31/7/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

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By scarred for life - 28/5/2016 05:23 - United States - Carmel

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2019 03:00

Today, one of my employees was fired for refusing to do a basic job necessity. After the meeting with HR, he left the office and tried to go back to work. FML

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By bdavis - 10/3/2010 06:11 - Canada

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML

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By goodstudent - 9/8/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

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By SeaBind - 16/11/2014 00:41 - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2014 16:38 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I had my first job interview after three years of unemployment. I was so happy that I broke down into tears the moment I saw the interviewer. Great first impression. FML

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By phillyfan4life - 21/2/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

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By ckatia - 30/8/2016 09:29 - France - Paris

Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 13:35 - Canada

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

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By Cottagecheeseha - 20/8/2012 04:03 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

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By itsgonnabealongnight... - 3/9/2011 20:52 - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 19:15

The Outsider

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2012 16:02 - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

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By really? - 20/3/2013 04:55 - United States

Today, I found a purse in the school bathroom. When I looked inside, there was an iPod along with some other expensive stuff in it. I took it to the office so the right owner would get it back. The owner passed me in the hall on the way there; she freaked out and punched me in the face. FML

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By stillAvirgin:( - 20/6/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

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By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

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By Matthew - 16/6/2017 22:00 - United States - Largo

Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML

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By random person - 9/7/2013 17:51 - United States

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

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Top comments

By Dogmaw | 0

#330320 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:28

They say that Buddha died from eating spoiled meat the home of some Chinese peasants. He felt it would be rude and disrespectful not to eat what they had been kind enough to offer from their limited supplies.

If they make a statue of you, I am SO gonna rub your belly.

By meeeep | 0

#330253 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:15

your grandma hates you..

COMMENTS

By andyn | 0

#330209 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:09

mmm tasty

Reply

slatertheblob | 0

#330759 - Monday 22 June 2009 19:13

i comment on the first comment so many people see my comment
i thought id just point out the flaw in the system
once again your welcome fml

Reply

fmlAllStar7274 | 0

#331614 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 1:00

Yes, we all know the "flaw" in the system, cept this is only meant for people to actually RESPOND to what someone is saying.

And no, ur not helping ur being a total asshole who thinks that no one else realized this. -_-

FuCK oFF

Reply

spazzycre | 0

#333773 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 19:16

Wow. ew.

Reply

Heelix | 0

#334974 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 3:08

Wooo everyone can see my comment!

Yeh i once ate biscuits given by my GREAT grandma.... And they had 4 cockroaches in it!!

Reply

platypuscatrat | 0

#342880 - Friday 26 June 2009 17:22

YDI for visiting your grandmother.

Reply

kristen_lesli | 0

#921848 - Sunday 7 March 2010 16:20

"Today, I gave my grandchild chips that I had bought especially for this occasion. I guess they weren't very good, because I spent the next 5 hours scubbing puke out of my carpet. FML"

Reply

EmmaMarieCullen | 0

#974043 - Sunday 4 April 2010 19:55

actually me and my mom ate ritz crackers that had what we thought were vegitables but were actually ants and we ate like one of the packeges

Reply

JScherz28 | 4

#1304171 - Thursday 26 August 2010 19:03

nice one man

By buttercup707 | 0

#330211 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:09

ew

By iTony_fml | 0

#330217 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:10

Aww lol old people are funny FYL

By vooper | 0

#330219 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:11

At least it wasn't grandma fungus cream

By meeeep | 0

#330253 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:15

your grandma hates you..

By thebeefzoosher | 0

#330254 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:15

those chips could be sooo ancient.. probably should go see a doctor ASAP!!

FYL

By khax1696 | 0

#330263 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:17

hahahahahaha I feel so bad for you
I love old people :D

Reply

blushy | 14

#3888710 - Sunday 15 January 2012 20:33

lol shame, at least you were sweet to your grandma

By littlemisslee | 0

#330283 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:20

that is wrong. ick!!

By smiley_girl | 0

#330286 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:21

Thats happened to me to, who new stuff like twizzlers, and nilla wafers EVER expired.... all the good stuff at grandparents' house is. ARn't pld people great?! Haha

By kapay | 0

#330290 - Monday 22 June 2009 16:22

Semi-similar thing happened to me but not so bad. I went to my aunts house and she offered me a soda I didn't want. I was sipping at it because I wasn't thirsty and then she asks what's wrong? Is it spoiled? Not knowing what she was talking about I checked the expiration date when she turned around. It was two years expired.