Miscellaneous: Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this...

By _Emilyy - 12/07/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 446

You deserved it 10 488

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk the line

The old switcheroo

By Crud - 06/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 883

You deserved it 2 878

By shoes - 02/01/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 658

You deserved it 3 914

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 13:29 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 183

You deserved it 3 328

By heartbroken - 22/01/2010 01:18 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 222

You deserved it 113 912

By enderw - 16/06/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 965

You deserved it 6 369

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 475

You deserved it 59 278

By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 05:01 - Canada

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 743

You deserved it 7 897

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 04:49 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 772

You deserved it 3 936

By darkman28 - 07/04/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 394

You deserved it 4 532

Stay classy

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 602

You deserved it 3 763

Oh no!

By AnnoyedandAutistic - 01/06/2017 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied, "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 940

You deserved it 609

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 22:29 - United States

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 214

You deserved it 3 131

Valuable member of the team

By Anonymous - 21/11/2021 20:00

Today, I live an hour away from work, and asked my boss if I could work remotely as roads are closed due to a bad storm. He said no, I have to come in or lose a day's pay. I found out he is letting my coworkers work remotely and be paid. I've been with the company for 8+ years; my coworkers have been there ~2.5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 71

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 390

Creepy guy

By GOAWAY - 26/12/2014 23:06 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 822

You deserved it 3 439

By Anonymous - 18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 955

You deserved it 638

By hannibal - 02/11/2010 13:44 - Australia

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 829

You deserved it 37 332

By sunshinexx - 07/09/2012 09:50 - Australia

Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 795

You deserved it 4 335

That relationship is toast

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me and still played the victim. She went and told her friends that I didn't give her freedom. She said I didn't let her buy a toaster. We had an airfryer with a toast option! FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 122

By no tea parties here, gran - 11/04/2013 17:16 - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 632

You deserved it 6 163

Whoomp whoomp

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 672

You deserved it 54 383

By Poorfish - 17/03/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 838

You deserved it 29 875

By Anonymous - 24/07/2016 03:18 - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 1 401

By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 068

You deserved it 6 587

By BrokebyKids - 06/09/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 237

You deserved it 16 334

By Suomynona - 12/07/2013 20:40 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 996

You deserved it 6 792

By didi - 05/01/2009 10:45 - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 814

You deserved it 19 508

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 21:54 - United States

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 403

You deserved it 3 466

By HellisLikeTheDMV - 13/07/2012 15:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 658

You deserved it 27 198

By misc - 10/02/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551 885

You deserved it 46 786

By Anonymous - 21/12/2014 08:51 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I noticed that even though I got all my Christmas shopping done a month earlier than usual, I forgot to put anything in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 320

You deserved it 8 285

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 17:20 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 251

You deserved it 47 212

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 16:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I let a friend cut my hair. I soon went from having a 'fro to looking like I lost a fight with a lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 662

You deserved it 17 334

By 2285morgan - 15/12/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 6 077

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 255

By thanksmom - 09/01/2013 19:57 - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 561

You deserved it 7 747

By cc - 10/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, I lent my sister $1000 because she and her husband were in some debt. They used the money to go gambling in Vegas and won a major jackpot. They won't even give me a cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 824

You deserved it 6 451

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 20:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 269

You deserved it 1 846

By better late than never - 08/05/2015 21:32

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 225

You deserved it 3 693

By Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 143

You deserved it 3 752

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Top comments

PSQ91 6

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:10

See, your grandma liked it so everybody was like "this party's gonna be lame". Never add family members on facebook!

YacL 15

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:08

She might get so drunk she'll try to put her false teeth in the dog's mouth, and when it doesn't work, she'll try the cat. Be careful, OP.

YacL 15

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:08

She might get so drunk she'll try to put her false teeth in the dog's mouth, and when it doesn't work, she'll try the cat. Be careful, OP.

bennetts211 2

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:09

I sense this could be the beginning of something like, "Grannies Gone Wild!"

Sebash_fml 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:18

Aww ! That's nice of her. I wish I still had my Grandmother! Be thankful.

BShady96 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:15

grammas got a facebook!

Badtz_maru_fml 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:36

Uchiha. Itachi. Profiler. I do believe I'm in love.

garrettsgirl 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 15:01

grandma knows how to party!!

WallyTheWombat 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 15:30

I wonder if OP is gonna hook up with anyone at the party.

22cute 17

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:33

lol you're doing it wrong! your friends clearly hav hundreds of FB friends all posting on their walls while your grandma probably has 10 or so. The chances of you buddies seeing the invite is low.

iTerrorized 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:58

That's assuming OP actually HAS friends ^

rockindyl22 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:08

Hey, without teeth I'd bet she can do some great things!......

RandomChickXD 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:24

hahaha 36! grandmas got a facebook and she's hittin on my friends...

Mesocoollike 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:26

"grandma's got a Facebook now she's hitting on my friends, I dont know how it started but now it's gotta end..."

Mesocoollike 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:26

"grandma's got a Facebook now she's hitting on my friends, I dont know how it started but now it's gotta end..."

chuckychan 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:18

no body gives a shit op if you want people to go to a party. call them dont rely on facebook stop complaining

Aim4thebullseye 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:38

"it helps me stay connected to my uncles and my aunts but I also know shes been in my best friends pants, gramma gramma, gramma gramma"

ritbbehindu 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:41

drunk put dentures in dog's and cat's mouths jutsu!

Trololololololo_fml 7

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:00

delete the status, act cool..

FMMFL1992 3

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:01

Lol I never ask for likes because of the fear that no one will like it and you end up looking stupid. Shoulda asked people to inbox you because no one would know that only your grandma did.

YayorNay 8

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 7:30

Give me your facebook, I'll like it for ya! But I won't come. sowwy

metalhead5564 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 10:01

Itachi huh? You're awesome!

Melissa92_fml 13

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:08

your grandmother sounds like quite the party animal!

F2M2L 5

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:48

yeah dude, grandmas are some of the craziest partiers. the have the most experience you know?

whybother8 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 13:08

grandma wants to get it in!

ImaWiseGuy 5

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:05

I can see your extremely popular with your peers...

a_nutritionist 10

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:43

at the risk of pointing out the obvious: if you dont post status updates often it will not show up on your friends walls unless theyve enabled it to show comments from all people- which you have to actively do. if your friends dont read their walls very often/only read for a little while and not all posts its very possible to be missed if your friends only read their "top news" it will likely not show up because it has no responses. events exist for a reason, dont be a lazy tool, if you want people to come to your party, you INVITE THEM. you dont just expect them to do all the damn work.

stoney_p 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:38

lol

daBeast155 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 17:04

when my nana gets drunk she takes off her wig and tries to ride the dog.

dgr8ing 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 17:48

some people.

Neorecon19 18

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 20:15

just remember not to give her tequila.

PSQ91 6

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:10

See, your grandma liked it so everybody was like "this party's gonna be lame". Never add family members on facebook!

rainbowfailure 2

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 17:17

Or maybe everyone thought: "Woah, this party's going to be way to crazy for us!"

Jbfu 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:47

Your grandmother probably did things in the 60s and 70s that you only dream about. Party with a g-ma? You ain't ready for that kid.

Mysanitywins 10

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:10

Party Hard!

OWNZ 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 13:49

I sure hope no one spiked the prune juice! :O

Livinia 11

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:14

Hey now, don't be disappointed. I hear your granny parties hard.

antoniocalos15 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:50

dang girl you r one hot chick

barlessprison 16

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:14

You two wild party animals better be safe, ya hear?! Keep your drinks in sight, don't drive if you're drinking and remember to feed granny her 9pm medication.