Miscellaneous: Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by... - FML

By Samantha - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

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Commando

Rock, hard place

Pleased to meet you

By Burned - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

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By LLCoolBean - United States

Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML

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By ItchItchBaby

Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML

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By CH - United States

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML

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By coffeeburns - United States

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML

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By KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

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By Dig4life - United States - Kent

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

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By siannacasey - United States

Today, I left my bedroom window open to let in some fresh air while I slept. A skunk got in and sprayed my room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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By yes i meant ex-boyfriend - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

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By Crawling

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

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By NocturnalFox - Czech Republic - Plzen

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 17:01

Masterchef 2020

Today, I invented a new fusion cuisine delicacy: cigarette-flavored apple sauce. The recipe? Cram so many apple pieces in a pot that they will burn on the bottom, even with plenty of water in it, then go away for 30 minutes and wonder what the bad smell is. FML

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By pain - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

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By it's just hair

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler". FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2020 08:00

All out in the open

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

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By immy504 - United States

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

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By fml - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

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By yodada - United States

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

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By TheodoreFinches - United Kingdom

Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML

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By V - United States

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

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By Shamed - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

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By bgoodwin07 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

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By Junkrat

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML

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By Can't Unsee

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

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By BilletsDoudous - France

Today, I'm a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting guy of about 30 gets on board with two huge bags. Worried, I keep an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

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By khannnn - United States

Today, looking to hire new tech support members, but due to not looking over any resumés, my ex-wife is now one of our potential candidates. FML

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By Anonyname - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 7-year-old learned "Smoke Weed Everyday" from YouTube, and has repeated it so many times that I'm now singing it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2020 20:00

Smooth

Today, I turned 30. I still can't grow any facial hair. FML

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By Insensitive - United States

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

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By CooBerry3851 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

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By hellnooo - United States

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

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By TimeForAHairCut - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

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Top comments

By spidergirl41 | 0

#248007 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:22

haha that must suck. Go buy yourself a happy birthday to me cake, take a picture of itself and send it to everyone so they feel sorry for you and buy you stuff

By that_one_dude | 0

#247989 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:20

I would be pissed if that happend.

COMMENTS

By 24788 | 6

#247987 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:19

That really bites.

Reply

syddyb | 0

#1024335 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 1:06

man, real friends huh?
Forgot your birthday. Sucks.

Reply

tbj42409 | 0

#2177599 - Monday 14 March 2011 0:30

um. if I wad you I wouldn't have gone to your friend's party. that's stupid that you went.

Reply

tbj42409 | 0

#2177641 - Monday 14 March 2011 0:35

um. if I wad you I wouldn't have gone to your friend's party. that's stupid that you went.

By that_one_dude | 0

#247989 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:20

I would be pissed if that happend.

By Garanaw | 0

#247996 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jwp0211 | 17

#4890461 - Monday 3 September 2012 6:09

Who the hell celebrates their birthday 2 months later?

By OHHgreatttt | 0

#247998 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:21

wow that really does suck!!! i feel so sorry for you :( get some better friends!

By DarkKnight540 | 0

#248001 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:22

ouch

By spidergirl41 | 0

#248007 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:22

haha that must suck. Go buy yourself a happy birthday to me cake, take a picture of itself and send it to everyone so they feel sorry for you and buy you stuff

Reply

98rocky | 0

#4343967 - Monday 23 April 2012 14:34

That's what I would do.

By SasuNaru_fml | 0

#248011 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:23

Dude sorry, that must've sucked. Happy Birthday btw. :D

By Atreyu_Love | 0

#248019 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:24

YDI Cause you could have said something..

Happy bday btw.

By theapplekid | 0

#248021 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:24

my birthday always falls during school testing

By BlackMamba04 | 0

#248029 - Sunday 31 May 2009 18:25

Aw, that's awful :-( Happy Birthday, though!I hope the rest of your day is good at least.Forget them, go treat yourself to something nice!!